A
female
age
41-50,
*ustria
writes:I am 26 yrs old, im latina, most of my friends says im a vey pretty women, i am living with my bf, he is from usa, i love him so much, i left everything to be with him (my family, friends, job) .the fist time i caught him watching porn was because i was sleeping naked next to him, suddenly i woke up, he was laying next to me with his laptop, and he was watching porn, i cant tell you how i felt.I felt the most horrible women in the world, i feel so ugly , and devastated, i was totally naked, but still he was looking porn, i talked to him, and try to make him understand that he makes me feel very bad when he is watching porn instead of doing me.i try to gave him another chance, because i love him, because other then that he tried really hard to make me happy with little silly details, but once again, i catch him watching porn, i talked to him, cried, he beg me to not leave him, he destroyed a hard drive full of porn more then 300 movies of it, he accepted he had a problem, and he was willing to work on it.one month later, i take his computer to run a program, and he runs to me and shut down a program, he goes, i open the promagram and i foud out he is downloading 2 movies of porn!!! not 1 but 2.I feel worst then a bag of trash, my heart starts to beat super fast, and at the same time i feel like someone is killing me inside, i cant belive it, he comes to me, and look down, he says he hasnt watch porn, that he was just downloading it, but that he would probably erase it, maybe im too stupid, but i belive him.Right now i dont know how to feel, society is ok with men watching porn, but how is porn making life better for women?in my case, i feel so depress and confuse, i dont know what to do, i try very hard to be what a men wants, but still is not enough, i feel like he is cheating on me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I hate to bring reality to this but all men have porn! You may say... NOooo not mine.. he is great bla bla... but all men watch porn! I found my boyfriend one day jerking off to a porno video in the middle of the night on the couch... I mean there is nothing wrong with our sex life... i just laughed at him and told him to clean up his mess and get back to bed. Don't take it as a personal insult. Maybe the video images of seeing others doing it turns him on? Why do you need him to be so centred around you? No one is doubting you are a beautiful woman but yourself really. I think you should be a bit more understanding. Its not that big a deal! Good luck xx
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 If he likes to watch porn, I don't think he will ever stop. You need to either accept that, or move on. Watching pornography is not like cheating, which is why he will probably continue to do it behind your back, as long as you don't find out. A lot of women also do not have a problem with their partner looking at pornography. However, if you have a conservative attitude it can be difficult to accept that your partner watches porn. It hurts your ego to see your partner looking at other female bodies that are attractive. However, if you really think about it, it is not that different from looking at the girls on the beach, is it? For some reason, skin at the beach is acceptable, but not porn. In conclusion, I just want to say that in my opinion, looking at porn is nothing serious like cheating, and also in my opinion, he is probably not going to ever stop.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Girl, I feel so bad for you.
You should leave him!
he's an asshole and he doesn't love you!
even if he says he loves you, he really doesn't!
If he really loved you he would NEVER LOOK AT PORN AGAIN.
he wouldn't even download it if he really cared about you.
he's a jerk, and even though I don't know what you look like, I can tell that you can do better.
There are many guys who don't ever look at porn.
Especially if they have a beautiful woman laying nude right next to them!
I'm sorry this happened to you, but you need to leave it all behind.
Find someone new who will respect you enough to put the computer down and love you!
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A
female
reader, Austria +, writes (7 October 2009):
Austria is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the comment? Its very hard to be with someone that has an addiction, how could i help him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I am a male, 28, and my my last relationship broke up suddenly. In the process of the break up, (so that we could be more honest with each other) i revealed to my ex that I had a problem with porn, and that is a major reason why we did not get back together even though we both wanted to.
Speaking as a man who has had a problem with porn, I would say that the first thing is, he is probably not looking at porn because he doesnt find you attractive. Also his relationship (and it is a relationship) with porn started a long time before you and him met.
You might think that porn is purely sexual, but it performs all sorts of other functions, it is comforting, it takes your mind off your worries, when you are alone on a saturday night because you dont have a date, you download some porn to make you feel better and less lonely. Remember all these other things have been happening since he was a teenager, so you no longer do it because you are worried, or lonely, you just do it because you dont know any different. Dont judge him that he watches so much porn, or has done for so long. This is perfectly natural. Almost all men do this. It is a sad fact but it is true.
Dont take it personally. His problem with porn started before he met you. It is not about you. Be glad that he admitted his problem and wants to work it through. That is about you. That says a lot. He wants to work it through because of you. He needs your support and understanding. It is a habit that he has, and habits are very difficult to break, otherwise they would be called "things we do" rather than "habits"
Talk to him. Try to understand what purpose it has in his life. Try to understand how much he wants to stop, and how much he thinks actually its ok. Porn is intertwined with the male psyche and women who are unaccustomed to porn can find the relationship between porn and the male psyche really hard to understand. Try and understand it, because then you can grasp his problems better and you will be able to understand what is going on better.
Maybe you cant give him indefinite support and understanding about this. That is understandable and you shouldnt have to, but remember there will be times of weaknesses and relapses for your boyfriend. I managed to understand my problem with porn because i lost someone I love because of it. Your boyfriend hasnt had to go through that, and hopefully he wont have to, but it means that he doesnt properly understand the consequences that his behaviour might have.
Best regards
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