A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would really love some advice from men and women. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He is my 1st true relationship I'm 27 an he is 26. We got together when we were 18. I told him from the beginning that i was not okay with porn. He always told me men that look at porn were losers with no life. Well in 2009 an 2010 we have kids everything is great. Well in may 2011 our relationship changed forever I found where he had been searching for porn on his phone. I flipped! I left him an me an the kids went to my grannys. Well I forgave him an we all moved back in he swore it would never happen again blah blah. The past 2 years have been horriable dealing with him. I have come to find out he has a really bad porn addiction. (I have just realized this in the past few months) in the last 2 years I have busted him so many times anything from not deleting it ondemand on his phone he had like 20 dvds (until I smashed them with a hammer) but this last time I caught him he was actually in the act of jerkin off. This was a week ago. He was in the bathroom with the 2 kids just watching them selfs! I didn't talk to him for 3 days! I feel like I am stuck with him! Everytime this happens he always takes everything from me but if I stay he gives me the money back. Its hard to explain I feel like I am stuck with him. My whole (small) family hates him but I don't really want to be a single mom when their dad wants to be in their life! An he makes triple what I make so he takes care of us. Porn is like his only flaw but I just can't handle it no more! I'm tired of having a broken heart! I don't want to leave him over porn but I just can't accept him doing this its not okay! An I have told him everything an again he swears he is done this time (BFS) he says he tells himself every morn he is not going to look at porn today. But men why can't he stop?? Women would you stay or go??
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female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 "using porn for masturbation is completely normal" . Well, that is your opinion but not mine. Masturbation is normal, watching porn IS NOT! And no, you don't need to go check whether you have "underlying issues". Not at all. If you don't want your man watching porn, then that is perfectly OK and you are quite within your rights to ask him to stop. And a good father would not leave his kids unattended to watch porn, so we can blatantly see he is not behaving as a good father! Don't let that last post sway you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): Using porn for masturbation is completely normal.
BUT if you feel insecure to the point that you don't want your partner using it... well that's fine too.
You NEED to have a mature, rational conversational about this. Not talking to your childrens father for 3 days because he looked at porn is ridiculous, and very childish. Tell him how this makes you feel, and that you deserve respect and honesty after being together for so long.
It seems as though a compromise is not an option for you, so give him the ultimatum.
I do have to say this though; If he is a good father, lover, best friend and partner to you in other ways... leaving him over this wouldn't be wise, especially since 90% of men who masturbate will use porn. If you tell them not to use it, he will most probably continue to use it behind your back.
If it offends you this much, perhaps you should seek counselling to deal with underlying issues.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (15 May 2013):
Stop saying porn and masturbation are normal - no they are not. Porn and masturbation do not go hand in hand (pardon the pun). The anon poster is right - your man has a serious problem and to leave his kids unattended whilst he watches it - NO NO NO! If he doesn't want help, then you will have to leave him. He's a no hoper in my book. I think you know this but are finding it difficult to leave him. No woman should have to put up with porn in a relationship if they don't like it. Insecurity has got nothing to do with it and I wish people would stop saying this.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Porn and mastication is totally normal, especially for men where masturbation isn't a big sensual, romantic ordeal, BUT you can become addicted to pornography. A close friend of mine was for many years but he got past it. It's not something we ever talk about so I'm not sure how but it would definitely be a good idea to seek help for him and support him rather than leave him and take the kids. Remember the effect a broken family has on children!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): To the anan posters: You need to go back and read what this women has written. This man needs professional help. He has a porn addiction. If a man is watching porn in his home with children around, he is being incredibly irresponsible and it could land him in some serious trouble. If he is watching porn and not tending to his children, he is being neglectful, putting his kids in potential danger and the fact that he is watching porn instead of tending to his children is someone who has a serious problem.
When porn is put above your partner, children and what it's doing to their relationship, there is a problem.
OP, this man needs some help. The only thing left you can do his highly encourage or down right insist he get professional help, and now. If he is not willing to do it, you need to start working on a plan and get him out or you and the kids get out of this situation. You were given a link by a poster, yourbrainonporn.com This site really is very educational, and I would have you ask your husband to read it. Maybe this will hit him in the face in realizing he has a porn addiction and will further him in thinking about if living a life of a porn addict is what he wants.
There is no place for porn if one of the two partners is against it, it's causing relationship problems or there are young children involved. This is not something you or the two of you will be able to handle on your own. This requires professional intervention and it's not going to go away overnight.
Very few women want to be single parents, and it sucks being poor. However, you are an adult women/parent and need to think about the welfare of your children, make sure your children are protected, make sure they do not get access to any of these videos and not be so dependent on this man and allow him to hold this over you. Get into counceling!!!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 May 2013):
 This website has a lot of very useful information, I think it would be very beneficial to look through it.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Um, masturbation and looking at porn is normal. Your boyfriend has a problem and should seek counseling for possible sex addiction and yes, that is a real addiction.
I would try to get him some help, if he wasn't willing to try or to continue to get help then I would leave him. It would be hard, but I'd rather be a single mother than have a husband who ignores our children to pleasure himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Personally, my man looking at porn does not bother me. As a women, I look at porn all the time for sexual relief. Making love to my partner is a significantly different act.
What would bother me is his inability to be discreet. But looking at porn is just fantasy, nothing more. If he is a good man on all other levels, then maybe it is time for you to re-evaluate your position.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 May 2013):
 He is a porn addict who lied to you about his usage from the start. But you keep taking him back, so everything else is on you. Just because you leave him doesn't mean your kids won't have a dad. What does this have to do with money? Leave him, go to court, and get a child support order. Done.
You keep him because you are wishy-washy and don't mean what you say when you said you don't want a porn addict in your life.
You have kids he neglects to go jerk off? What kind of a mother are you to knowingly put them in danger if they're toddlers??
Looking at porn is one thing. Being such an addict that he's out of control is unacceptable by any standards.
Leave him for good. Mean what you say. He's the father of your kids, but he's an addict.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Honestly, I would stay. If he's not treating you or the kids bad, then why? Do you still love him? What's so horrible about porn? Maybe he's dissatisfied with his sex life? Many men view porn, as well as women, but if it's an ADDICTION- I would get help. If you still lov him, he supports you, is a good father, non-abusive...don't let porn take him away from you.
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