A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so there's been so much going on in this relationship. I'm 22 and my bf is 21. We've been together for two years and lived together for 1. Ever since being with him I lost alot of my friends and family. So at the beginning of our relationship I would still talk to my ex boyfriend. He had been a great friend for a long time. But I lied to my boyfriend about talking to my ex fearing he'd get mad. Well he definatly did when he found out and broke up with me. I begged him because I knew I had made a mistake. And I truely love him. He took me back and from there it was bad! He made me stop talking to anyone involved with my ex boyfriend. So I did. And I used to go to a youth church group and he would get pissed at me forgoing. One day I ended up going and he went looking forme. He went to the wrong church and accused me of lieing about where I was. So dumb me went to his house explaining to him that I was in church. That he went to the wrong one. He then dragged me to my car and broke up with me. He left marks and hurt me very bad. But we ended up getting back together. He had no trust inme and he told me if I moved in with him he would trust me but the problems continued. He hurt me more times. Choking grabbing my cheeks and leaving me marks. He emotionally abused me too. And the last time the threw me down and kicked me. He gets mad about everything. After that incident he's been better an he's been trying to be a good bf. But I honestly don't care anymore. I'mnot ok mentally. I love him but I don't want to try anymore. Am I wrong for wanting to leave after he's trying? He makes me feel bad when Im mean to him and blames it on me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): You're not wrong to want to leave even if he is trying. You can't be with someone just because they are "trying". It didn't work out for you, he's just not right for you. That aside, I can understand well that you are not ok with this any more, even with him trying to be on his best behaviour. He has broken you down, and he's had enough chances, he's had two years, to be good. Two years into it and only now he's trying to be better just isn't enough, and it's understandable. But don't hope for him to understand this, he will be hurt by you leaving him, he sounds very insecure and unsure about the relationship, since he has trust issues. But you have to do what YOU feel is best for YOU, regardless of HIS feelings. You're not leaving him do hurt him you know! You're leaving because being with him hurts YOU.
You are not selfish, you have given him two years, and you have loved him enough to take all of this abuse. You gave it your best, but it didn't work. You did not fail, he's just not the one for you.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 March 2010):
He's an abuser. When he's next out, why don't you just pack a suitcase and walk out? Or if you have one friend, take them along with you and just dump him. Have some support ready. If you don't have that, then as soon as he goes out, walk out. And if he tries anything else, go to the police and have him arrested for assault.
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A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (25 March 2010):
 You are not wrong for wanting to leave, most people are probably wondering why you went back. You should just get out of the relationship he is trying to control you by taking you away from people who u care about and who care about you, so theres no 1 you can talk to. And he's trying to make you afraid of him by beating you up, further increasing his hold on you,because your already so isolated. Your meant to be his gf not punch bag, get out of the relationship before he seriously hurts you-physically and mentally. You could do 100x better
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I think you're right to feel like this, over the time of the relationship and his behaviour has slowly killed your feelings for him and the want to be with him and no matter how much he is trying now doesn't take back what he's taken from you and it doesn't suddenly make you forget what he's done or wipe it away because things like that really do scar.
I think there comes a point in everyone where enough is enough and by then it really is too late.
When you feel guilty and find yourself considering staying remind yourself of why you're wanting to leave in the first place, think about how he has made you feel over the time of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 You are in an abusive relationship. He is an abuser. Men like him are more likely to get worse with time rather than better. Get away from him and stay away, no matter how bad he says he's feeling, no matter how hard he says he's trying. You deserve to be with someone who will respect you and treat you with dignity and care -- he will never be that person.
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