A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Readers,I would like to ask for some advice please and am very appreciative of advice I have had in the past.I have been in contact with a guy in Sydney for the last 2 years. To cut to the chase it started off as him being very interested in communicating with me and very kind with his comments such as Sweet dreams Kitten, What have you been doing today etc.Unfortunatley and I am not blaming him for this but I was in a vulnerable state after getting out of a very physically and abusive relationship with a man who gave me a black eye and verbally abused me very badly which effected my self esteem when I came in contact with the internet guy in Sydney.I am quite ashamed of the things that I have done at his request despite the fact that I did tell him that I didn't feel comfortable fucking arse on Skype he said that if I didnt things would not go anywhere.I am so ashamed of myself of what I have done yet at some level I have enjoyed being submissive to him for some reason unknown to myself. I realise now unfortunatley that doing what I do does not gain any respect. The thing is that I feel that I do not want to offer a man anything else apart from sex as this is all that I feel that I require. My problem is that I feel that I have done the work in regards to domestic violence and the cycle for 52 weeks but am still doing sexual deeds on Skype for this man. I know it is not getting me anywhere with him however I feel that I can't move forward to a sincere decent man and the thought of a relationship makes me feel sick. I feel as of late that I have made a bit of progress in the fact that I have said to this guy in Sydney that I am not willing to be treated like I am subhuman and be ignored by him. Ie: If I try to communicate to him normally such as have you been to the top floor of the shangrila hotel in Sydney he ignores me and tells me he is sick of my spastic thoughts and will answer me when he feels like it. It is different though when he wants me to go on Skype to fuck ass. He said he wants me to answer his texts instantly. This is complete bullshit I have decided. Who the hell does he think he is.I told him tonight that I am not prepared to be treated like I am subhuman and be ignored. He said that he is sick of my delusional perception of the world? Any comments readers. From my knowledge of Psychology what someone sees in someone else is quite often a reflection of what they are themselves. I answered tonight "Well if the cap fits wear it and if you think I am delusional that you must see that in yourself. Do the readers agree with what I said to him. As far as I am concerned he is delusional if he expects me to continue to perform sexual acts at his beck and call and for me not to be allowed to communicate to him unless it involves ass fucking. These were his words. He also said that he wanted me to answer his texts immediately and all I did was to ask him whether he had been to the top floor to the bar at the Shangrilah hotel in Sydney as I had heard that the view of the Sydney Harbour is the best view and I have booked a flight to go to Sydney nect year in January to meet him. I text him the message re the Shangrilah Hotelk this morning Perth time 9am or so and his comment at 5pm tonight that he is not going to just drop everything to answer my messages. I asked him what had he been doing today and whether he had met someone or was on a date hence not answering me. I thought this was a reasonable comment to make and he comments that he is sick of my delusional perception of the world?? Any thoughts please would be much appreciated. Thank-you readers.
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self esteem, text, the internet, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (31 October 2010):
You got out of one abusive relationship and hopped into another. Your self esteem is still very low and you must do what it takes to fix that. You have to leave him alone, he senses you have low self esteem that is why he says those things. I would not even tell him goodbye. He treats you terribly, leave him. You should never say things like did you meet someone, were you on a date? That gives men more power. Start fresh after you gain self-esteem and self-respect. Know when to say no and vow to learn someone emotionally and have them learn you emotionally before physically.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 You are much more than what he thinks or wants you to be. He wants you to be beneath him and you have to deny him. Rise above him and show him that you are not a mere pet for him to play with, you are so much more.
Get counseling so that you are more comfortable being confident and start ignoring this man. You are not someone to play around with, you are not some man's whore. You are your own person, your own being. You are your only master and no one else may order you around.
See a counselor and talk to that counselor about how you feel and what you have been going through, they may offer guidance and relieve you of how you are feeling about sex, about relationships, that you might find someone who will treat you like a queen instead of slave.
I hope that helps.
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