| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I broke up like an hour ago via messenger. We've broken up before and he always comes back. He is usually the one to break up with me. He doesn't trust me, because of my past. I've never cheated on him (or anyone), but he thinks I've been too easy in my life to trust. Also, because he never heard a word of my past until like six months into the relationship and he progressively learned a lot of things and was upset that I didn't tell him all at once and that I even lied about some stuff because I was scared of how he'd react.Well today we were chatting on messenger and I told him that today I received the news that an ex classmate from highschool had died last night. He automatically started asking me whether I had ever hooked up with him, I told him that no, and he said he didn't believe me. I was fed up so I logged off.Later, I checked our band's facebook account and he had added this "hot" chick in a bikini, who is the friend of a firend of his. I told him how this made me feel, as I'm far from having such a great body and he knows I have little self esteem. I was angry, so I emailed him that I was over with him because I felt so ugly compared to the girls he adds on facebook, but mostly because I'm sick of not being able to tell him anything without him jumping to conclusions. Immediately I regretted breaking up over that. I should've waited until I'd cooled off to talk things out.He told me he was fed up with my attitude and that I shouldn't have broken up. I told him I was sorry and that I love him, but sometimes I feel frustrated and that I'm not good enough (because he's always doubting me, and also because I feel ugly). He said he would not forgive me, and that I hurt him more than do good to him, and also that he feels he's with me more for a routine than love! But last night he told me he adored me a lot of times and was very loving! I understand this mess and misunderstanding was my fault this time, I admitted that to him. But other than that we usually are blissful together. It was just that the story about my ex classmate made him angry and doubt me, and I in turn felt ugly about this girl he added. Do you think there's a chance of him to forgive me? Sometimes it takes him days to forgive me! I don't know what to do, I was not ready for this! If we don't get back together, how can I move on? I feel so ugly and annoying that I can't even think about ever dating another man again.
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, get back together, move on, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Let him go now that you are young. Listen, I started a relationship with my bf the same way you started yours. He would always bring my past and would made me feel unsecure. Now, after 5 years, here we are; he still complains about the same things about my past, and that I was too easy. We are about to break up, 'cause I had enough with this shit. Don't let it go too far. He will never change. You will find someone who will love you for who you are, the same way I will... It is hard; but better safe now than sorry later...
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): The last thing you need is to be in this relationship. Actually, in any relationship. Both you and your boyfriend have insecurities that can't be dealt with if you're together. I'm sorry, it's not working. The relationship has become unhealthy for the both of you. You two aren't going to make it together because there is no trust and respect, and if those things are missing, the relationship is doomed. It's that simple. And your self-esteem is so low you can't see that you deserve better. You need to figure yourself out and accept yourself, flaws and all. You can't be in a relationship if you hate yourself. You need to love and respect yourself first, and then you'll be able to find someone who loves and respects you too. You deserve it, don't ever think otherwise. Take it from a girl who has been there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): you deserve better. let him go and you find someone that will make you as beautiful as you are and that will make you feel that way. someone you can love. he is a jerk.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): i dont wanna lie n say i know how u feel cuz it has never happened 2 me but the truth is this relationship isnt gonna make it im sorry 2 say this but if he cant trust 2 u it means u'll be fighting all the time ok?he's probbebly trying 2 controle u but u shouldnt let him cuz even if u hooked up with ur ex classmate nothing's gonna change ok? what's done is done!!!!u lied 2 him too so its sounds like u dont trust 2 eachother i think mabye u should get over him n take a break from dating 2 clear ur head.
i dont think he truly madly love u he's just hangin with u 2 pass time.sorry
ur wonderin how 2 move on,well,try 2 spend more time with ur friends,listen 2 music and find ur self somethin 2 distrract u from thinkin about ur boyfriend.dont forget 2 stay away from him for a long while it will make it easier trust me!!wish u good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 April 2009):
 Hearing about your ex classmate would have been a shock to you and of course you'd want to tell your boyfriend about it. The way he reacted made you mad and you acted hastily and broke up with him. You have insecurities about how you look but he has insecurities too or he'd never be asking you if you'd ever hooked up with your ex classmate so it seems there's trust missing on both your sides.
He put that picture up on his Facebook to make you jealous, nothing more. You both need to reassure one another how you feel about each other and you DON'T lie to each other no matter how tempting it might seem as lies will always come back and bite you on the butt.
Leave things as they are for the timebeing and give him time to miss you. Stop downing yourself all the time to him too by telling him you don't think you're good enough because that's not true, and remember beauty isn't just on the outside, it's in the inside too! You're only coming across to him as needy and he'll end up looking for someone more assertive and happy with themself.
Here is a link to help you with your self confidence. Read it through and apply it.
http://www.pickbrains.com/articles/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
~Eve~
...............................
A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (5 April 2009):
Sometimes you need to take a look at the situation and ask yourself, did it pan out this way for a reason.
You have a number of emotions going through you right now and he is totally aware of them all yet his insensitive attitude has turned him into an insecure selfish man that is thinking only for himself. He craves of arguing and this is unhealthy for you both.
You just found out and old friend has died, this comes as a shock to you, you seek his support and you get questioned about your past 'relationship'? it doesnt add up.
Your right to still feel low, it wasnt long ago and your going to feel crappy for sometime but i cant help feeling maybe this was for the best. His actions towards ou dont sound positive, in fact his attitude and reactions to you sound negative and almost heartless, you need love and stability in your life (like we all do) i doubt hes offered you this all that much.
Dont ever put yourself down, its ok not to be full of confidence but when you compare your body and the person you are to another thats when it goes down hill.
You are you, you cant change who you are you can just shape yourself into what youd prefer, never feel pressure to do this.
Dont blame yourself either, after reading your post im getting the impression its not entirely your fault, people get pushed to the limit and say things in the heat of the moment, hes unforgiving for this dont beg to him, learn from it maybe he wasnt the one you always thought he was and his 'after actions' are showing you a different side.
Ask youself honestly do you want his forgiveness? you know your relationship better than me but from what youve said its chipped away at you for sometime and has forced you even lower and more unhappy.
You say it takes him days to forgive you... ever thought hes playing with time? You seem a sensitive person who holds insecurities i dont feel this guy can offer you the help you want and i dont even know him yet i feel at times hes added to your problems when he should of been helpping you solve them.
Not being prepared for the break up is al the more reason to succeed in making it work for yourself, do this on your own find the real you fight for your independance and enjoy the person you know you can be, everybody holds that strength within them you need to force your way into yours before you fall.
You will eventually move on but for now i think you need me time, focus on your self, get out of a relationship and work on the insides of you, your a broken person inside and you need to fix it, only you can, dont be brought down even further by the wrong one. Work on your confidence, its a big issue that needs sorting, your not alone you just need to find your own way this time.
Sorry this has been so long,i hope ive helpped in some way, please find the real you in time to make something of it. Good luck
...............................
|
