A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A couple of nights ago we went to a party. My girlfriend got a little drunk and was a little flirty with some other guys. That didn't bother me at all really, but what did is that there was this one guy, she had just met, she was extra talkative to. A few minutes later, she tried to put an ice cube down the front of his underwear. I caught it from the corner of my eye, but I pretended not see it. Later on that night, when I was sitting next to her she was playfully trying to pull the hair off his forearms. I again just pretended not to notice. The pulling of hair thing I didn't mind, but it indicated to me that she like him. When we were walking back home she told me that if she wasn't dating me that she would have flashed him. I didn't say anything and just laughed like it was a joke. I'm not mad or anything but I feel that that was a little disrespectful towards me. How would you guys feel if your girlfriend did that? Conversely, ladies how would you feel if your guy did the same thing to another girl and say told you that he would flash her if he wasn't with you? Should I say something to her or just blow it off? Am I looking too much into things, making a mountain out of a mole hill? If the roles were reversed I'm not sure how she would feel. We have been dating for a little over 4 months. I started to think that there are other parties that she goes to without me, which is completely fine, I don't own her or anything and I want her to hangout with her friends and enjoy life. I don't have to be around her every time. My policy is that I give the person I am with complete trust. She can hang out with whoever and wherever she wants, but I feel a little disrespected, especially when it was done right in front of me. Thanks for all your help and advice. I didn't get her drunk. She probably had about three beers. I didn't encourage her to drink or anything. No hard liquor that I know of too. She is a lightweight.
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female
reader, AgonyAnna  +, writes (5 April 2009):
You sound like a great boyfriend which makes her behaviour even worse; it sounds like she is taking advantage of the fact that you won't get mad at her and completely trust her. On the other hand, your attitude towards relationships (even though it's technically a great attitude) may seem to her that you simply don't care whether she's with you or other guys and she is testing you for a reaction. By purposefully making you jealous she may be trying to get you to act a bit more protective. All you can do is sit her down and explain to her that you are not the type to want to make a scene, but that that sort of behaviour does hurt you. Hopefully this will make her realise how much you care and how it makes you feel. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): If you suspect it as disrespectful, it probably was.
I like to use the old tip of the iceburg rule. It means that whatever you discover, usually represents a mere fraction of the whole story. So I agree with the notion that her behavior is demonstrative of much more. Three beers or not.
I would have a come to jesus talk about what is agreeable behavior with other people. If you both have the same values in this area, your frustration will go down and your success together will increase.
Best wishes -
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 April 2009):
 I agree she was out of order here. If she's like that with 3 beers then what would she be like with 6??? You and her need to have a talk about boundaries in a relationship. Ask her what hers would be then you tell her about the incident and how it made you feel. She was totally disrespectful to you to act in this way especially as you were with her. It would also make me think what she's like when you're NOT there!!! ~Eve~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): I believe she was testing you, she was curious to know what you would do. Personally I think you should have stepped in, have a quiet word in her ear or shoot her a look.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): First of all, I want to say fair play to you, mate, for not getting all possessive of her. She is clearly disrespecting you quite openly, flaunting herself in front of other men and you're taking it in your stride. But while it's good you're not losing the head and going off on her, her behaviour is still pretty unacceptable. I advise you to have a little chat with her about this. She is dating you, after all, so it's not appropriate for her to flirt with other guys like that.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (5 April 2009):
I wouldnt let this go. From a womans point of view she went too far and deep down she should know this. Im not saying you should of stepped in and dragged her off him but why did you not intervine at some point? maybe tell her you were leaving? You need to talk to her or it will eat away at you, the sort of situation that needs resolving. It was 3 beers you say? im sure she will have some recolection. Jog her memory. You seem really genuine and laid back but i feel you have been treated quite bad here, in front of your own eyes. I gurentee if it were the other way round it would be a different story full of tears, tantrums and slaps! Dont let this go lightly your well within your rights to say something. Nobody should feel this arkward when they go out and she put you in that position, drink or no drink she crossed the line.
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