A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a fear of porn, whenever I hear the word I immediately think of better looking women who are good at sex and it makes feel small. I've always had problems, my first boyfriend was a porn addict ever since then I always had it in mind that those people are better than me and I'm just no one in the sexual department. The only tip I have come up with this one; don't assume when people say porn they mean extremely good looking women, it can mean a lot of things. Does anyone have any ideas? There's also the fact I could work out :( a lot of women might benefit from my question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): When I said small I meant just as a person, I haven't got what they've got so they have more power than me. I don't understand why they need it when they have a girlfriend who does the same things. How can they watch what they did with their girlfriend and not think of her once?
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 You think you feel small, think how us guys feel. porn is just a vision of what we wish we could be.
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A
female
reader, animallover881  +, writes (5 November 2013):
A real man won't compare you to porn (and hopefully he will abstain from viewing it). Porn desensitizes people to the natural beauty of sex. Try to love the quirks about you and feel confident- you are great just the way you are!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): Women are sometimes put in categories because people are judgmental. One guy may be average and to some people that means he has an average size penis and body. A guy that is athletic is large and extremely good looking. Same with a woman. I always tell people that I am not thin or even petite,I am average, so the women on porn may be average, older, busty, slim, teens(over 18) and we get this perception that we have to look like them because some men like looking at women who are voluptuous. It could be other features such as their skin which is clear and no flaw. Body parts that look perfect. Just because he was addicted does not mean there is something wrong with you. I try to look at my features and if I want to look better I change it. Doesn't mean I want bigger breasts, or any other dangerous surgery to look better for a guy. These porn stars have to uphold an image somehow to present it to people who want to watch it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): Do you feel small looking at half-clad women on fashion magazines, TV shows, and just about everything that has images of beautiful shapely women? Porn actors are usually told how to perform by the porn-director making the movie. They are chosen according to their most outstanding features. They follow a script. They're not everyday people. The odds of meeting men who have viewed porn is pretty high. You'll be pretty lonely; if you don't realize that has nothing to do with you. Most guys don't chose girlfriends that look like those women. They don't view the women they care about, in the same way they view actors "performing" for their visual and masturbatory pleasure. Those women are objectified, and are being exploited for the things that make you feel small. Over-sized boobs and butts. Most of which were surgically enhanced. Any woman can look like a porn queen.When judgmental people and their families discover what they do for a living; they often get snubbed and ridiculed. Strangers who recognize them on the street, may treat them as though it's okay to be touched and approached in disrespectful ways. They probably feel small too.
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Female anon is correct as far as porn stars having a lot of help to look the way they do. That's only the tip of the iceberg, though. They want to be noticed and validated just like you do, and it isn't any easier for them than it is for you. If anything, you could say it's more difficult. The ones who want to have a name in the industry have to perform extreme acts, ones they aren't comfortable with, possibly even downright disgusted by. On top of that, they have to act like they enjoy it, and be at least somewhat convincing. Otherwise they'll just blend in with their hundreds of other competitors who are also trying to be noticed. Is this what you feel inferior to? Look, I'm not trying to belittle your concerns. I'm only trying to put this in perspective for you. The women you're jealous of, have at some point in their lives, felt exactly like you do. Porn stars or not. There are so many people in this world, and so many different types of beauty that it's impossible to NEVER feel this way. But you can take some comfort in knowing that the artificial beauty you see in mainstream porn is only made to be pleasing to the eyes. For example, many guys will look at giant fake boobs. That doesn't mean they want a girlfriend with fake boobs. They are made to look at, not to touch. And there are some guys who can't tell the difference between natural and artificial beauty through a computer or mobile screen. They're not looking for that, anyway. All they want is something visually pleasing enough for the moment to get them off. That's all it really is to the typical porn user. Not all guys are addicts like your ex. You just have to keep reminding yourself of that. No matter what he said to you, that's HIS opinion, and HIS problem. If he was truly an addict, then it wouldn't matter who he's with. He'd still prefer his hand. Be thankful he's longer part of your life. Also remember that just because you're not a guy's type physically doesn't necessarily mean he prefers the "porn star look", or that he's even a porn user. It could just mean he prefers something different to you, and it doesn't mean you're any less beautiful than the type he prefers. It just means you won't be beautiful to EVERY guy. Even the "sexiest" women in the world have guys that say they don't see what the big deal is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): I understand your fear about porn and i recently had a issue where my girlfriend wanted me to get my body waxed including my private parts. I think it was something that some of her girlfriends saw on these porn sites. Also she thought that her giving me oral would be better for her. So like a good boyfriend i went ahead and got it done. It was a painful experience at best and by the time they at the spa were done with me every part of my body that was done had turned beat red and the before and after pain was bad. My private parts my girlfriend did for me and after the treatment i had to go to emerge because of painful swelling. I am afraid of porn to and all i can say is do not let it bother you, most of it is unreal and stupid. Most men do not have long penis and most women s vagina are not big like the grand canyon. Look at yourself in the mirror you are more normal looking than any porn woman. Hold your head high and do not let it bother you anymore. I learned the painful way and men getting your whole body waxed is not normal and very painful at best to have done. Move forward.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 I am a person that enjoys porn. Porn is self aid plus entertainment. I feel you shouldn't worry about your person cheating on you with porn actors.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (4 November 2013):
I tolerated porn watching once. I never really liked it but I put up with it. It was later on when I caught him on dating sites and adult chat sites that the real problems started.
I now realise that porn and real life women are far different.
I am now with someone different. He can watch porn for all I care. If I caught him on a dating site, it is over.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (4 November 2013):
 And you think porn makes you feel small?
I think porn makes any man with an average length penis feel small too.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (4 November 2013):
The majority of people in society are like you.The people who post porn on the internet are the minority,totally without moral principles.The best sex and the most fulfilling is between two couples who love one another.There's no love at all in porn on the internet,it's mostly women being cruelly abused in all ways by manipulating males.Young people's minds are being corrupted by all this and makes them think that all women behave like this and are forced to commit acts against their will in real life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): Porn stars looks certain way not because this is how they were born but because they alter themselves to look a certain way. They work out many hours a week, almost all of them have breast implants, they have special make up artist, they have labia surgeries, face surgeries and other appearance altering procedures. Not mentioning ass bleaching, hair extensions, fake lashes, waxing and so on. Which is tell you the truth is fine with me. This is their job and they do whatever is nessesesary to succeed. But who compares themselves with porn stars? Are you a porn star? Or men that you have sex with pornstars? It's the same thing for me to compare yourself with panda bear and think, o how cute, how come I don't have those sad eyes. I went into one night place in foreign country where almost every single girl there was gorgeous. Not just pretty but strikingly beatifull. They were all 6" feet tall and amazingly beatifull. They were all also very thin with long legs. Then I found out that there was a party for miss this country and these girls were participants. Not mentioning the fact that they were 20 years younger. What would a just pretty woman in her 40s do looking at all this beauty? I could of course starting comparing myself to them and then wanting to go home and hang myself feeling inferior. Instead I enjoyed my night feeling a little like a dinosaur among all this glowing amazing youth around me, but nevertheless I felt happy and very much entertained. Hope that helped:)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 November 2013):
Don't compare yourself to port, there's no point. The guys you are with are almost certainly not, so why should you?
Porn actresses are a living blow up doll, that's it. I don't find the majority of them to be attractive and I CERTAINLY don't want my woman to look like one.
So, unless you feel inadequate because you aspire to be a porn actress, then don't pay any attention to it.
Your body doesn't have to be perfect. Most guys are very happy that they're having sex with you, they're not thinking about your nipples or labia being uneven.
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