A
female
age
51-59,
*rakers
writes:I looked at my boyfriend's facebook. I know it's deceitful but I have been feeling a distrust. He has been friending girls that he meets at his friend's house. He hasnt been flirting but messaging those girls with "hey. wad up? How are you?" one told him that he has beautiful eyes. i told him he saw it and he said he is just making friends. today i tried looking at his facebook and he changed his password so I can't look. I also flooked through his texts. he was going to meet this coworker for drinks. He knows I dont like her. He has admitted that she is a flirt and probably cheats on her boyfriend. i have tried breaking up but he always convinces me that I am blowing things out of proportion.I am 40. He is 25. He lives with me. we have been together for 2 year. thoughts?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 He is allowed to have friends, and is doing what a typical 25 year old would do. The important thing is that his friends know he is with you. That girl who commented on his eyes probably didn't know. If I know that a guy's FB status is in a relationship, I would not compliment on a guy because that's disrespectful to his relationship. You should not be snooping on the first place. He can always say he changed his password not because he has something to hide, but because his privacy had been violated. He had not done nothing wrong so far you know of. I think an age gap relationship only works if the younger one is more introverted, and you can hang out with his friends of all ages. You can say you are not satisfied because you don't feel important in the relationship, but you are not in a position to accuse him of anything. Focus on your relationship, whether there's enough quality time, and not things that you can't control, like what he does when he's not with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): I think you know the next step. If all he has to do is convince you that you're blowing things out of proportion; what kind of advice would you really pay attention to?
You live together. Does he pay his share of the bills? Is he gainfully employed and independent?
When you start finding evidence to support your suspicions, then you use commonsense. You've obviously had other issues that made you want to breakup with him before. He just wiggles his way out of it.
It seems the guy is probably checking out other women, and he doesn't want you to know about it. So he changed his password. You found more evidence; and yet you continue riding the fence over it. I don't think it's innocent; nor do you.
Stop snooping and just send him on his way.
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