A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm so confused and dont know what to do at the moment.I met a Swedish girl 4 months ago when I was visiting my parents in Malaysia, I'm based in the UK, now I'm still in Malaysia, on working holiday thing. I met J on the beach, she was supposed to stay for only 4 days but she extended her stay for two weeks, to cut the story short we had the most wonderful and perfect two weeks of our lives, I begun to have feelings for her, but she said she likes me a lot but she still has baggage, since she just split up with her boyfriend 4 months before that and she still in love with her ex, she told me she had to sort out her feelings to go back to Sweden and decided if she wanted to be with me. I said fair enough. She went off to Thailand to continue her traveling. I was supposed to meet up with her in Thailand within 4 weeks, when we were apart we talked everyday on the internet and phone, we missing each other like crazy, and she said she was mine and I'm hers, and she really closed to fall for me and told her parents about me. But she still called her ex and talked to him. She lost her passport in Laos, to cut the story short, I went to Thailand a week early to be with her because it was a horrible experienced for her. When I was there she had changed, we were still together everyday but her attitude towards me has changed she became really cold towards me and always seems to be away with her thoughts. We had to go back to Malaysia for visa reason, so we stayed together, emotionally sometimes she was there sometimes she was very distance, we still be intimate and we were together 24/7 for the last 4 weeks by this time. We talked a lot about whats going to happened, she said she still hasn't decided about me and wanted to sort her feelings out when she is back in Sweden, but sometimes she gave out hints that she doesn't want to be with me. I was so confused.When she back in Sweden, the first week we were like in a relationship, and then she dropped the bombshell, she said she choose the ex rather then me, she said she cant be in a relationship when she cant give 100%, she wanted us to be friends, I was so hurt and heart broken coz, I'd already fallened for her deeply, she still wanted to call me and text me, but I could not do it, coz it hurts too much, I was lost without her, I cried so many times coz I missed her. After a week, she told me that she has feelings for me, she likes me and she cares about me but she could not love me, she said something was missing,. I was so devastated. after a couple of weeks I could'nt not have her in my life, so for the last two weeks we were texting each other 10 to 15 times a day, everyday. She asked me to do her tattoo design, I did it, I drew a surf board design as a homage to her on the beach, she loves it and I wrote a song for her 3 months ago when we were together, I put it up on youtube, she loves it, we know what each other doing every single day now, but whenever I talked about how I feel about her and hinting it, she ignored it, she still hung up on her ex, she said lets enjoy our friendship, dont think friends text each other everyday and know what each other doing everyday. She wont give me anything in terms of her feelings, dont think I can do this any longer I miss her so much and want to be with her but she likes the attention that she gets from me but with out any attachment.. I feel so down and sad and confused please help me...
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Without wanting to sound harsh here, I think you are wasting your time. You have fallen for someone that is clearly not available, it sounds like she is not going to make up her mind any time soon so you need to move on!
You have hit the nail on the head when you say she likes the attention without any attachement - this is exactly what is going on! She feels wanted and desireable because you are pursuing her, but the man she really wants is her ex.
What you need to do is stop contacting this girl and move on, you are not going to be in a relationship with this girl any time soon so stop chasing her! I know it will be really hard because you have fallen for her, but with time it will get easier. But you cannot keep her in your life at all, not even as friends, otherwise you will never accept that you cannot be with her. Put yourself first in this situation and move on; dont let her attempt to keep you in her life because all she wants you for is to make her feel better when dealing with the rejection she is feeling from her ex.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (19 March 2009):
 hun!i'd leave her be don't text her or call her she made her choice she went back to her ex.like you say she enjoys the attention from you and everything maybe she is only being the way she is to keep you interested but then when you say your feelings she ignores it because she doesn't want to lead you on any further she just wants to keep you interested so that if her and her ex do become nothing anymore that she will know she always has you to come too for sympathy comfort and love she's using you in a way that she can come back to whenever she wants too.it's not healthy for you because you're just wanting her and to be with her when she just wants you to stay around should things begin to go wrong.i'd leave her alone for a while don't text every day or call it's really unfair on you that she's pulling you along by a string.you deserve alot better in your life.as i say she has made her choice and she knows very well how you feel.i'd just forget about her i know you love her and stuff but don't be fooled by her.I hope you get the girl you really deserve hun :)chin up.
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