A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so bad about myself. I have been having lots of nightmares lately including a very vivid one of my boyfriend with another woman. Anyway, the other night after I had a couple of drinks I found myself looking under my boyfriend's bed. I don't know what I expected to find or even why I did it really and once I came to my senses I stopped immediately, but I feel so disgusted with myself for having done it. I've always respected people's privacy completely. I never looked through my ex boyfriends' things so I don't know why I did it this time, and this boyfriend means more to me than the rest. I found a stash of cards from an ex girlfriend that he has kept, but I didn't read any of them. Weird thing is the fact that I have found them hasn't freaked me out so I don't know what I was doing! I have no intention of doing it again. Should I confess to him?
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female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
lack os sleep is a huge disorder that will cause behavior changes at one side effect and onset of disease as another. You should see a doctor about your nightmares.
Me, I'm more into honesty which my husband is totally against. Everyone snoops at some point. Since you got so many "don't tells" I'll give you a different (but maybe not the best advise-- i wake sleeping doga all the time)
If you guys live together (only if you live together or at least have a key) and have already said "i love you" tell him about your nightmares, one was about being cheated on when you were drunk you got a wave of parinoia, looked under his bed without even knowing why or having a plan of what you'd fine, and stumbled across his letters-- which you didn't read.
the reason i'd tell the truth is becuase what if he finds his box jostled and thinks you read them, the pian of the invasion of privacy will be awful compared to him knowing you didn't read them.
Tell him you weren't even bothered by the letters cause everyone has keepsakes but you are bothered by the nightmares. tell him you love him, are extremely sorry for having a jeolous binge, but are more scared of this lack of sleep and are going to see a doctor. Ask if he can go with you (if you want) or can watch you for weird behavior changes becuase the internet says lack of sleep can be dangerous.
see, you've admitted liking him so much you did something stupid, proved you could be trusted by confessing (which nobdy seems to do-- I confessed to my husband for snooping) and you've made him the hero by watching over you.
But this could be horrible advise. You know your man, your relationship, and what to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): DO NO confess. You haven't done anything wrong, just don't go snooping around in the future. Nothing good comes from looking into other people's stuff. How would you feel if he started going through your things? Not nice. If there is anything there that shouldn't be then he will get rid of it in time, but it is not for you to say. Take care and stop snooping.xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): No, it was totally innocent. You where drunk and when you realised what you where doing you stopped. You should feel good about how much self control you have!About the card things that's nothing really. If I split with my boyfriend and found someone else I wouldn't chuck the stuff he bought me out - they're special and he's my first proper boyfriend. I would chuck away rude things [like nude picture of him etc etc] because I know that would make me upset.
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (10 September 2007):
I don't think you've done anything particularly bad so personally I don't think you should tell him because he might not understand and get the wrong idea. You might however want to talk to someone like a doctor or counsellor about your nightmares because they sound quite regular and are affecting you.
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