A
female
age
41-50,
*ova77889
writes:I have been in quite a few unsuccessful relationships in my past. I seem to always fall for the type of man no woman in her right mind would ever want to be with. With that said, I'm involved in a very new relationship with a man who is crazy about me. He has a great job, is smart, driven, loyal, kind, and very affectionate. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't share how he feels about me. He's the perfect man. We've been telling each other for a few weeks now that we love each other, but I'm starting to think I don't. When I look at him I don't feel this "god I love this man" feeling. And I'm easily annoyed by his affections. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I want to be madly in love with him...he's the kind of man I should want to be with! What can I do to change this? I'm desperate...before I end up hurting him. Should we spend some time apart for a little while (we see each other everyday and text constantly throughout)? Should I explain to him how I'm feeling and ask him not to be so "available" for me, in an effort to rein my feelings for him back in? I feel like if I walk away from this relationship, I'll be making the biggest mistake of my life. And it will be a conclusion I will come to when I'm older and in the process of divorcing a man who has been awful to me. What do I do? Please help me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): It sounds as though the type of men you have dated in the past, who are not very nice, not good to you, or are trouble, one way or another, is the kind of relationship you have grown used to, and what you are comfortable with. Because its a known quantity. Possibly, too, the drama involved is in a sense, intoxicating. Not saying those relationships were necessarily highly enjoyable, but they are what you've come to expect.Now you have met someone who is very different. Good job, smart, loyal, kind and very affectionate, you said. I suspect that because he IS so different, this makes you uneasy. To have met a man who's crazy about you. Is there a little of "what does he see in me?" in your mind? Especially when some of the other men may have treated you badly. Give it some thought and see if you can begin to get used to the idea of being appreciated!One other thing: if you see one another every day that may be a bit too much. You both need time on your own to pursue your own activities. Its good that he is affectionate, but if you've only been seeing him for a few weeks, its premature to be telling each other you love one another. That takes time, to really get to know someone.If he is smart, as you say he is, and considerate, he will be able to recognize that you want to cut down a little on the amount of time you spend together, and it shouldn't be a problem for him. Particularly if you make it clear that you do value the relationship, and its not personal: you just need time for your own pursuits. Let me ask you: How much do you like to socialize in general and get together with friends, and now much "alone time" do you find you usually need? People who are a little introspective often find that spending time in their own home helps them recharge their batteries, and they are able to strike a balance between dating/socializing and being on their own.Good luck; hope this response is helpful!
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