A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so my boyfriend is korean and speaks english as his first language.i don't understand or speak korean at all and when im at his home i feel excluded sometimes because his dad for only speaks korean and nothing else. his mum does speak english and speaks it with me and him. so do his sisters.but often infornt of me she speaks korean with his sisters and my bf while im sitting there in between them and i have no clue what to do i feel so awkward and i just want to leave.i don't speak with his father allot only the occasional hello and goodbye...i feel awkward when the start speaking korean and im there. i also feel awkward when im there and his dad comes home because they will automatically start speaking korean...the other day i was on the phone with him and his mother started to talk to him in korean and i waited until she was done.then he got back to me and said she was saying all kinds of stuff to him ( raging or something ;p) for not doing chores.but it didn't matter cause i couldn't understand it anyways she said (cause she was saying bad things to him).i thought it was kind of disrespect full.. i feel like a total fool.it makes me feel uncomfortable when i have to stay at his house.. i rather stay home with him at mine. because sometimes out of nothing they all start speaking and i cant understand a word of it.it seriously makes me feel like i don't want to go over there anymore.also they make jokes like ha ha well you'll HAVE to learn korean huh? cause your at out house now haha.but why? becasue they dont feel like talking english? i know it is a joke but with the whole situation it makes me feel like i HAVE too because when i dont im a fool at their house. i dont know what to do help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Its all about give and take. Learn how to ask his family 'how are you' and other simple greetings. they will apreciate the effort and mayb it will help them realise that you are trying hard to fit in with them and they will try harder to help you. Also never ever pass up the oportunity to learn a language from people who use it everyday. A second language is invaluble and you'll learn better from his family than in any classroom x
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 They feel comfortable speaking their own language. It's not that hard to understand, people enjoy best speaking in their national language. And especially when the father is around, because he can't understand English. Since you are at their home I think you should accept that they speak their own language. They don't do it to intentionally shut you out. You just need to adapt to this. Try not to pay too much attention when they start in korean, but occupy yourself with something else until they start to talk to you again.
When my foreign boyfriend visited my mother, she didn't bother to talk english all the time, not when she was talking to me and not about anything relevant to him. It just felt odd to be talking to my own mother in a different language just so my boyfriend could understand everyday un-importances.
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A
female
reader, ScaredForLove  +, writes (3 November 2011):
Just don't worry about it haha! I'm sure they dont mind, I mean they understand youre english. If it makes you uncomfortable just ask your boyfriend if theres anything you can do. Ha, if you dont want to learn korean dont.
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A
male
reader, Lee jong  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Sis you are depressing yourself the problem is in you. 1st of all you knew from the biginning of this love you are entering way differences relationship. Second learning his languege is a must if you really want 2 relate with whole family firmly ofcause if he complete solo. 1 thing you have thought is that most old people didn't get proper education so sorry they can't mingle you in with english and miss their comfortable tongue just for you sister. Hope you understand sorry if i bulge the situation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 But if his dad only speaks Korean and the rest of the family would only speak English out of respect for you, then the dad would be cut off from the conversation in his own house , and that would not be very respectful either , would it ?
Plus, even if the rest of the family is fluent in English, it's still their second language, it still requires them a little more thought and effort than their mothertongue, so, yes, of course it would be more considerate if they ' d always make this effort around you, but I don't particularly blame them for not always being up to it in their own home , maybe after a tiring day of work or house chores or study.
I agree that you should start studying Korean, why not ? Any language you speak beside your own is an asset, and studying languages can be FUN, a great passtime. It's something that you can do with your boyfriend- he can teach you, or at least help you with your independent study, correct your homework and pronunciation,- and I am sure this would bring you even closer and he'd appreciate much that you are making this effort for his family.
Also, why are you spending all this time at his place with his family ? At your age ? 22-25 ? Going out with a guy generally also means....literally going out, seeing new places, having fun,spending time on your own, not prematurely settling into a sedate routine of family visits ! Keep that for when you are 50 and over !
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