A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I live together. I am currently 6 months pregnant with his first child (this problem was happening way before i got pregnant though). He does have a job, and if this wasnt a problem i think our relationship would be almost perfect. My boyfriend spends most his free time on the internet. I mean a ridiculous amount of time just playing games. He gets home from work at 10 pm and doesnt get off the computer until 4 am. On his days off he spends most of the day on the computer. Every day its the same thing. Get up go to work then come home and spend the rest of the time on the computer, or if he isnt working get up and get on the computer, get off only to eat use the restroom and occasionally smoke a cigarette. I am at a loss, i dont know what to do. I have begged and pleaded with him to spend time with me. I have told him its either the computer or me, and he promises it will change and it never does. Now when i ask him to spend time with me he gets mad at me, and he even told me there are some days he doesnt even want to spend time with me, that he would rather be on the computer. I love him so much, and i cant find any solutions, i have tried everything. All he does is ignore me. I have even tried to get into the game with him, but its just not my cup of tea. I am tired of having to repeat anything i say 50 times before he answers. Oh and god forbid i ask him to do anything around the house it will never get done, he wont even pick up his own clothes! I just feel second best to the stupid internet game! Please any help would be much appreciated!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I know how you feel. My boyfriend's oldest son introduced him to an online mmorpg well over a year ago now, and ever since he was introduced to it, he'll come home from work and get right on it, stay there until we go to bed at night. On the weekends, most times he wakes up before I do, goes to bed after I go to bed, and its all that game. It got to a point he'd call me from work and ask how his game was going, when he had something set up to run while he was working. I even tried joining the game because I understood he needs time to chill out after work, and cool off and let his brain just relax, but I find it a waste of time, so I stopped playing it. Meanwhile, I'm doing all the laundry, dishes, housework, most of the cooking. He doesn't take his dishes to the kitchen when he's done with them, leaving them and empty soda cans all over the house, leaves his socks by the computer where he takes them off. Ive asked him if there wasn't any way we could take time every night to unplug for a little while and spend some real time together like we used to before he found the game, and he says sure, but nothing ever changes. When I bring up how often he's on the game, he shoots back "well I haven't been playing it as often lately have I?"
I really don't know what to do about it anymore. Hopefully one of you has some advice for me, I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
I even asked if he could get off the computer to help me around the house, and sometimes he'll do it, if I ask him several times over the course of a day. But usually after waiting four, five hours for him to do it, I get up and do whatever it is, then he gets snappy because he "was just going to do it".
Hopefully one of you has some advice for me, I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
It bothers me because before he found the stupid game, he was so much more attentive. We'd sit together in the evenings on the couch, watch tv together, cuddle. But that ended more or less entirely over a year and a half ago, and judging by how things are, unless something is done, I don't see that side of us coming back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): I am the original poster, so i wanted to add a few details. I have told him millions of times i do not mind the game (and i really dont). I know when he comes home from work he wants to chill out and just play. This i have no problem with. He comes home, i make dinner he eats and gets on the game. The problem comes when he is on the game until he goes to bed. Now its even getting to the point to where he is beginning to be late for work a lot because he is only getting 4-5 hours of sleep because he is playing the game so much. I have sat down and talked to him numerous times about the situation, and explained in full detail that i didnt want all of his time, just some.
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Refuse to pick and tidy up after him. Tell him you are pregnant and you need all the help you can get. If he does not comply then give him an ultimatum,its either you and the baby or his computer.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (2 October 2008):
 This is so common, believe it or not. It's an addiction and thank god it's not drugs. They are both bad, but his he can walk away from without DT's.
They get so addicted that nothing else is fun to them. You will compete with this for a long time. Until he gets bored with it, until he finishes the game, which can be a long time if it's something like Runescape or Warcraft. Runescape has been played for years with no end. My nephew has been playing it for years, but luckily he does it only 2 hours out of his day.The bad things is, they seem to find something else when they finish a game, so not much luck there.
This is their getaway from the "real" world.
If you are going to make him choose, you should not threaten him with it over an over, because he knows it's not going to happen and it won't make a difference. If you in fact mean it, then do it, if only leaving for a while. Not saying this is an option you are considering, but that is where the few people I know ended up.
They have to make the decision to pull themselves away from the game and they can do it, you merely have to find something that will make him do that. You know what he likes other than the PC games, you know his interest so maybe try something he use to do to help pull him away. Also let him know that you don't mind him playing, but you just want to do some things together away from the PC and outside of the home.
Do you get along with his mom? Does she or his family members know of how he is?
Maybe they can help you as well.
I sure hope this helps, I know it is very frustrating.
Michelle
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reader, unknownlady +, writes (2 October 2008):
 this sounds abit familiar, apart for teh fact im not pregnant.
i hated it i was in the exact same situation as u. id feel liek he plays on tht game and gives more attention to the game then me.
but we spoke about it and ive told him how i felt.
My bf works days and sometimes nights. but i understand that when he gets home from a hard days work all he wonts to do is relax, chill out and do the things he enjoys doin. may be thats just what your boyfeind needs. his own time his own space, and this is how he goes about it.
ive learnt that guys seem to have a different mind all together then what we have. sounds stupid i know but its true.
wehn ur begging and pleeding for him to get off that game, that isnt goin to work at all.
They see that as anoyying , irratating, pathetic, and then they will look and think if i do get off this game that annoying irratating an pathetic person is what i will have to spend time with.
i knwo what its like tryin to talk to them while thier on that game, and all they give u is a simple aha yeah, ok , yeah aha. Hmm yh... simple answers so it seems like thier listening but they are that into thier game they havnt heard one word u ahve said.
the best advice i can give you, is let him have teh time he needs to chill out. but TALK to him about it dont nag dont argue. SIMPLY TALK. and not when hes on the game ask him for 3 mins of his time and make sure u get it his full attention. say seriously now i need to spek just 3 mins.
and then play thier game theyy play with u, make them 3 mins 10! haha.
tell him that u respect the fact that he likes the game and he wonts his own time when he gets in from work. and your happy with that.
(even if u may not be, boyfriend or nt they do need thier own space.) But tell him ur feeling unapreciated and a few hours of his tiem after wortk would be nice, and a little help picking up his clothes and cleaning up after himself also would be nice (but dont nag when u say this cos they simply wont do it)
make sure u stress the fact that your not bothred about the game, and ur happy for him to play on it, and you understand its his own time to chill out. but tell him u just wont a couple of hours.
he will respect u for teh fact that ur considering his needs.
and i also think the reason why he said he rather play on the game instead of spending time with you is because u nagged him and begged him nto to play on it.
(My bf said to me when he was annoyed i love my xbox more because it doesnt answer back moan and nag at me!)
now that we have sorted it all out , i joke about it and actually find it quite funny.
i used to say u play with that more thn u play with me, and hed laugh, and say because it doesnt do my head in. make jokes about it that may help.
Just learn to like it and respect his needs but make sure u put ur needs across and make sure he hears them just dnt do it by nagging and begging.
good luck xxx
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