A
male
age
36-40,
*af1985
writes:Hello my I want to explain the whole situation so bare with me because I do appreciate advice and want you to be on the same page and know the story. Here it is...I met this girl last year and my life was in a rut because of the death of my grandfather who was more of a father to me than my real dad, so I had a tough time with that. I would go drinking ang get real drunk, lost two jobs because of it and through all of this she stayed with me. I started to get my life on track because I started to realize what I had in front of me, a beautiful and loving relationship with a girl that I truly want to spend my entire life with. So after all of this I started to change and got a job and was coming out of the hole I dug myself I even cooked her dinner and romanced her and said this is what I can give you the rest of your like my love and my heart...now three weeks ago she said you need to change and I need to see that you can and she said she was breaking up with me...yet she still calls me everyday even after Ive made substantial changes in my life but doesnt want to talk about the relationship, I feel like Im driving her away every time i bring it up...She wrote me a letter stating the things she wont miss...which said your drunken nights, driving you, sometimes arguing you know all that, but she also listed more things about me that she will miss the good out-weighed the bad. So she still calls everyday but now I dont answer because it hurts me too much...I just want her back in my life...This break up has really made me realize that I do need to make changes and I am doing it...So first of all Why does she still call and if I make those changes why does she say she might not come back anyway? I feel like I need to make changes for myself but in reality I want to just make them for her I consider her the one I want to marry. Is there a way to win her heart back? She also says Im a great guy...So confusing and I literally ache right now and get no sleep...anyone with a answer or suggestion will help me, I will appreciate it very much. Thank You.
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male
reader, caf1985 +, writes (2 October 2008):
caf1985 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are now currently not talking because she said she needs to see if she can handle life without me for a little and if she cant then she said she knows she wants to come... so I guess I will take this month or two to get my head on straight and figure out what i need to do to get this girl back into my life...thank you for your response it has already helped me very much.
A
female
reader, candace +, writes (2 October 2008):
WOW! My husband is an alcoholic... sounds like you may have a problem (seeing that drinking was named as a problem several times) it sounds as though she loves you and sees your "other side" which is a hard situation for a woman. She is thinking of her future with you and what it would be like if you don't make the needed changes.That is quite scary for her to think of. The question is "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THOSE CHANGES???" If you don't then, well, it will never work.
If you want to make the changes... look into AA, and maybe some counseling for losing your grandfather (also something to deal with whatever may have happened to your Dad)Things from our childhoods will stay with us if we don't sort them out. Even if we say to ourselves something from our childhood doesn't bother us; it stays when you don't deal with it. That is why all counselors ask, "How was your childhood" It is the one thing we spend the rest of our lives trying to overcome. So get busy buddy... find yourself. Love yourself and she will follow...She is very much in-love with you, just scared and rightfully so.
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