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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm wondering about womens attitudes towards sex. I know everybody is different but allow me to explain. I work rotating. This week I'm working nights, 11 pm - 7am. This doesn't leave us much time for sex. We also have two teenagers runing around the house !! I want sex more than my wife. She really has no idea of what would be a sufficient amount for her but I'd like 1-3 times a week. Mostly I'd like an enthusistic partner.Three nights ago, when I arrived at work, they cancelled our shift due to mechanical problems. I was really happy, I hate working nights. I called my wife to let her know I'd be home soon. I'm thinking we'd have a perfect chance to get together. No sooner did I get home then she went to bed, telling me she wasn't in the mood. It kind of bothered me. We've had problems with this issue, her lack of enthusiasm. It's always been this way. I try to suggest ways she might try to boost her libido and she looks at me like I've got two heads. It's very frustrating when the person with the low sex drive has all the control.Two days go by and then last night, 15 minutes before I leave for work she tells me she's horny. I told her that's nice, too bad you didn't tell me a little earlier. She said the kids were upstairs etc. etc. I said, you were laying with me watching TV, we could of managed to give eachother some pleasure. By the way, our home has three floors. We were alone, no worry about the kids coming. I also told her it would have been nice if she had put a little effort into it the night I came home from work. I told her if she could just get past the thought of thinking of sex as a chore to seeing it as fun, she might be more interested. The problem is she never seems motivated enough to go for it. I really get resentful and try to think of ways of stealing back some control in this situation. Feeling powerless in this area is hard for a man. She is not over worked, at all. I help out around the house. I treat her well and buy her little things ( big one's too), flowers, dinners etc. People even refer to her as the queen because I treat her so well. I think maybe I should stop for a while to make her see just how well I do treat her. Maybe she doesn't value my efforts. That's how I feel. The resentment builds.
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at work, flowers, horny, in the mood, libido, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Bondoman80  +, writes (28 September 2009):
Hey bud, I know exactly what you mean. My gf and I used to have great sex, so I know she has it in her. But now after 8 yrs. of being together the sex seems almost boring. She doesn't put the same effort into it. When we do have sex, she treats it like a chore. like she doesn't really want to have sex, buut is doing it just to shut me up. It's tough, I wish I knew what to tell you but I don't. Good luck.
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (18 March 2006):
 so regardless of floor levels, your wife is aware of your children and dosent want to disrespect thier boundarys, (when i was young my mum didnt respect these boundarys and i lost out big time ...and we had 4 floors!)
you are horny at one toime shes not ..so you blame her...shes horney at another time your not....so you blame her! yooou see where im going , with difficult shifts you both lead differant lives and you shouldnt be surprised each others libido is running on a diff time scale.
my husband works shifts and we work it that if im horney or he is horny as long as there are no kids about we both make the effort, afterall we both matter sexually in the relationship, try the same teqnique,love each other , and make the effort
x
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 There is a subtle way of making HER want it by being desirable. You need to discover what turns her on rather than payment in kind in advance by gifts and dinner. next time you are lying next to her, concentrate on stroking her as if she is valued. Your may feel fit to burst, but hold off and she will come to you without resentment because she had had time to warm up. Frustrating for you, but necessary for her.Regarding jacking off in the bathroom, SOME women just enjoy the chase, and their chase is spoilt if their man takes the easy route. Cruel as it may seem, part of the turn on is seeing your man really needing you, and if you don't make it that far, you miss out on the culmination of the foreplay.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Hiya me again! I just thought I'd add its hard to answer this question as I am a women I don't understand a mans frustration, (and I'm sort of time -at work!!) Maybe you could try and get Eddies attention and see if he can help, mans point of view .. Good luck and let me know if it hepls! Sexybum x
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (17 March 2006):
Hey I thought I'd let you know there's a similar sort of question with a brill answer posted recently, might be beneficial to have a look ' I wasn't in the mood, but he still got his releif, so should I be worried ' the question was posted on March 15 and I want you to read the answer by Eddie, you too survivour, he is spot on and perfectly correct.
I think god was having a joke when he gave men the higher sex drive but made women (who have the lower sex drive) the ones who have the ultimate say over whether you get to have sex or not......Link to the question.........
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-wasnt-in-the-mood-but-he-still.html
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): WOW, survivour it sounds like you have an axe to grind here. Telling me I'm treating my wife like a prostitute. You're kind of pushing it on that one.
It seems you've missed the point. I do all the things a woman should like. I've gone out of my way to read and investigate what it takes to be a good husband. We go out on dates, have time alone, go for coffee, dinner, movies, vacations etc. I do all the things that professionals say are important to keep a marriage vibrant.
What I'm trying to say is if we have different sex drives, and we do, isn't it easier for the person with the low drive to try and increase it rather than it is to decrease the other persons drive. IF we agree that sex is a good thing, and we enjot it when we have it, wouldn't it be better to have a little more of a good thing than less? I've been with my wife for 22 years. The sex has always been more or less the same. Trust me if I didn't love her I would have been gone ages ago.
I would do anything for her. Why can't she be bothered to try and change a little for me? Some things take a little effort. In a relationship, it takes two people giving 100%. I do everything she wants. This is the ONLY thing I ask for but it seems the hardest thing for her to give.
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A
female
reader, survivour +, writes (16 March 2006):
 so you want your wife to be horny when you feel horny, but when she feels horny it isnt the right time? I think you should show your wife that her body is not only for YOUR pleasure, but hers also. You treat your wife to gifts, but are they for sexual favours? no wonder she does not want sex with you. she knows that everything you do for her has another motive behind it. Stop treating your wife like a prostitute. Wife does not mean sex on demand 24/7. give her things only because you want to show her how much she means to you. Her body is her temple, not yours. She is a mother and unfortunately for you, your children will always come first. If you are not sexually matched and it is the most important thing to you,get out of the relationship, instead of making her responsible for you. You are being emotionally abusive and I am really not surprised that she does not fancy you anymore.
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