A
female
age
41-50,
*ullowy
writes:I met this really sweet wonderful guy who is alot older than me. We met about two months before my dad passed away and he was absolutely wonderful and supportive. My mom liked him. His daughter liked me. We had some really bad events occur in the realtionship, and we behaved quite badly towards each other despite the fact that we were quite in love. My mom now hates him and has threatened to throw herself off a cliff if I try to see him again. We broke up for a while and have made contact again and are desperatly wishing we could be together again. We have both grown and learned from our past experiences, but our worlds are now hateful of each other. I kinda feel like Romeo and Juliette. (Not like I'd kill myself-but there's so much overwhelming opposition.) How do we fix it? How can we prove to each other's worlds that we really do love each other and want to find happiness together? How do I keep my mom from throwing herself off a cliff if I get back together with him?
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female
reader, mullowy +, writes (5 March 2011):
mullowy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis response to the pregnancy was definatly wrong, and he knows it. He has apologized profusely. His relationship with his daughter's mom was difficult and he carried too much from it. He was afraid of a repeat.
As it stands, I don't think we have much of a chance, despite our strong affection and love for each other.
WHen we were together and everything was going well, it was just so loving and passionate. We both jus twanted to try to find that again.
Just so sad. I don't want it to be over.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Oh boy. He dumped you when he got you pregnant ? Because he got scared- at the tender age of 47 ?...
That makes ME want to jump off a cliff - and I don't even know you.
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A
female
reader, mullowy +, writes (4 March 2011):
mullowy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother update... My mom was convinced that he is pure evil. I have just spoken to him and he wants me to be sure that being with him is what I really want-not for him, or my mom or anybody else-but for me to be happy. He wants me to look at my life and be sure that being with him is truly what I want in order to live the rest of my life in happiness.
He also wants me to be sure that if I stay with him that I don't want kids, as he has finished raising his daughter and wants to enjoy his free time with out having kids. He knows I am unsure about this and has talked for hours about it with me-just trying to help me clarify my feelings-no pressure from him one way or the other.
He has also professed absolute pure remorse at his behavior when we were fighting. Despite the fact that I moved on with out talking to him. We werent in an official relationship-I just got tired of waiting for him to clear the air with his daughter so I just left and started dating someone else. He said some very nasty things and has tried endlessly to make up for them. I have to admit-some of his behavior was emotionally abusive. He has told me that he has recognized this and wants to attend therapy and his mom is currently counsellling him until he can afford professional help. When I told him that I was gone for good and would never ever be coming back-he said he would do anything for me to come back to him. I asked if he'd attend counselling with me and he agreed. I asked if he would apologize to my family and freinds and he agreed.
I honestly just want to curl up in his arms and snuggle and sleep and enjoy being with him. Then I think of how sad and upset my mom would be and my heart aches. She told me that when my dad passed away she wanted to go with him, that she would have followed him but she didn't want to leave me here alone. So she stayed for me. We really don't have much in the way of extended family. I am afraid she will truly end it if I go back to him. I do not want to cause her any more pain as she has been through enough when my dad passed and my miscarriage.
I am so sad and confused.
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A
female
reader, mullowy +, writes (4 March 2011):
mullowy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's 47. The events that took place were pretty serious. I got pregnant, he dumped me because he got scared, and then came back and tried to redeem himself. I miscarried. And when I miscarried I went to him for support rather than my mom and I think that really hurt her. He didn't want to introduce any drama into his daughter's life-so I wasn't allowed to be around when she was home. (She's 17 now) I felt angry and exiled for about a year, so I finally went out and started dating someone new. He was crushed when he found out I had moved on. And the new guy just didn't even come close to him in my heart. Then the 47 y/o went out and started dating and I was so sad. Then we started talking and I broke up with the new guy, and am now in a secretive relationship with my ex again. Everytime one of my friends hears that I broke up with the new guy, they immediately say, "You're not back with your ex, are you???" (We broke up and got back together many times in the last year.)
When I was trying to start anew and move on, all I could do was think about him.(And he said that all he could think about was me...) I was so hurt and angry when he wouldn't try to patch things up with his daughter that I said some really mean things to my mom and friends about him. And I can't seem to take them back. I try to defend him now and they get angry at me. My mom is totally convinced that he has me brainwashed. I'm insulted that she thinks I would be so easy to brainwash.
Thanks so very much for your answers! :)
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 You start by talking to your mother about how you feel about him. You are old enough to make decisions and know whether or not they are the right ones to make. Your mother, is only doing what a mother would do to keep her child happy. You have to somehow prove to her that he is going to treat you well now and he has to prove to his family that you will treat him well in return. It is difficult to offer you proper advice without knowing what happened exactly to cause this strange turn of events. Whatever it was, you have to talk to your mother and explain everything to her, what happened during those seemingly tumultuous events. Explain to her how you felt about it all, what happened, spare no detail so she KNOWS how you feel right now and why you are intent on being with this man.I hope that helps.
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