A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Desperately need help! He's charming, witty, social,an excellent conversationalist, intelligent, extremely, extremely charismatic.. There's something about him and no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about him. I've dated a fair few amount of guys, had crushes on tons, had guys have crushes on me but this guy.. He's really something.. He makes me love being addicted to him and it feels unhealthy. We talk every once in awhile, sit together in class, message each other, do labs together. It's just every so often he'll show me he's interested by resting his knee on mine or resting his shoulder on mine or making really long eye contact, saying something that gives me butterflies in my stomach. Then at times he'll withdraw in his bubble, take forever to message, be busy, play scrabble on his phone and avoid looking at me. I really want to know what his feelings are for certain but I've never had the opportunity to hang out with him outside school. He's never asked me and I've never asked him. His birthday is coming up soon and I think that's an opportunity in itself but I don't know how to hang out with him, get invited or mention it (he never told me his birthday, it's on Facebook!) I feel like we're constantly playing a game and I just want to know, am I winning him over or losing?(also how can i hang out with him outside school and the internet)p.s. I've posted this question before but I didn't get very many answers, just trying to give it another go and word it properly this time :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 He really sounds more like a flirty person then actually hitting on you, so I'm not really sure if he is feeling what you are feeling.
I would however, get him a funny card for his birthday and give it to him (if you two are FB friends if not, then I wouldn't).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Hi I'm the original poster of the question and I really hope someone sees this reply because I posted my question without logging in by accident. ^^"He's older than me actually, 24, to be precise. He's doing his masters, has a job at a lab, working on his thesis, going to medschool interviews, flying off to different places for conferences. He's a busy guy to say the least. He only has one class at my university actually because he needs it to apply to med schools in the states (and it so happens to be the class I have with him) I know this sounds wishy washy, but I don't want a relationship* with him. I know he's a busy guy and he'll be gone sooner or later for grad school. I just want to be close to him even for awhile. I can feel extremely drawn to a guy one second, then forget all about him the next. It's just who I am, unfortunately, and it's rare for me to get hurt easily because I move on very quickly. I'm very much interested in him though, don't get me wrong, but anything to talk to him more and connect with him is what I want. I'm just wondering how to ask him hang out, I've never done the asking before to be honest.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 ...Feelings ? Are you sure he must be feeling anything in particular ?...
He sounds like an extrovert, confident guy, not the type to nurture a crush in secret. And seeing that you always have occasions for social contacts, and he never took them as the chance ,not even to ask you out, but just to say " hey let's grab a quick cup of coffee after class "... I am afraid you are inclined to see as meaningful signals what's the normal M.O. of a flirty, charming, outgoing guy. When you are under his nose, he sees what he likes , smiles and even gets a bit touchy-feely. When you are not, his attention is on other stuff.
IMO, mixed signals = no signals. Signals must be consistent to mean something- even subtle but consistent.
Of course I'd only be happy to be proven wrong, so why don't you make the first move ? If you don't want to officially ask him out, just invite him to join you for coffee or a snack after classes, or ask him to help you out with something you both are studying , and see what happens...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Does seem a bit odd that he's so friendly and tactile with you,but has never asked you out (even to hang as a friend in the evening)
Does he date other girls?
It is possible that maybe he enjoys flirting but isn't quite ready to date seriously or even hang out with just one girl.
I am assuming he is your age and boys tend to develop a lot slower emotionally than girls, so whereas you feel so intense about him, he isn't feeling that same back at you.
Instead of trying to work out what he's thinking or what he's going to do, you need to look at how this is affecting you...obviously you feel unsettled.
You could bite the bullet and when he is being particularly 'friendly' a school one time just ask him casually if he would like to hang out after class...
or if you think it will spoil things, maybe distance yourself a little from him, try not to let him get so close to you and maybe look to make new friends or date others.This will allow you to get him off of the pedestal you have put him on and lessen the intensity of your feelings without wrecking the friendship.
If he asks you why you have withdrawn a litlle, be honest and say 'I really like you and I just wanted my feelings for you to die off a little, that's all'
Some people are just naturally more flirty than others and they can be completely unaware how their 'games' affect other people. There often isn't much you can do to make them more attracted to you, but if you can handle just enjoying their company for what it is...then continue to hang out, if you don't feel you can handle it, pull back and focus on other people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Darling no matter how extremely smart and gorgeous this guy is i am warning you he is playing with your feelings..
How did i know? by the way you describe how you and him are,
his on and off not really consistent. today ok tomorrow who knows..
Would you like to be with someone where you will always have to ask yourself, where your at in his life?
Like your always lost? then go ahead, go for it...
But if you value yourself and you want to be sure at all times where your place is into your bfs life, Go for someone who really cares for you..
This guy, definitely not sure if his serious or likes you at all..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): This just sounds like a case where both are waiting for the other to make the first move.
His "bubble" is not a "bubble", you don't even know what he feels yet, either way he doesn't need to give you attention all the time, he has his own life.
Sounds like he may be interested but don't get to high like you sound right now. Just will lead to even greater stress, try to stay cool and see what happens.
Why not ask him to hangout this weekend, do something fun.
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