A
female
age
36-40,
*nna88
writes:hey all, well just about half hour ago, my boyfriend of almost 5 yrs told me the same thing. we are both 23 btw. he told me that its like a stressful "need" for him to go with other women. he says this crying as if he's guilty 4 feeling this way, idk. But we were both virgins when we met and we have a lot of family issues between us such as unapproving parents, on both sides and cultural differences etc. he tells me he loves me and im the only woman he can see himself spending his life with, but he has this urge to try other women cuz before he met me it was something he always wanted to do and now he has serious urges to have sex with these attractive women.. He asked if i would be ok with it since it would be meaningless 4 him.. he also said he cant even think of me sleeping with another man, though i never wanted anyone else but him. he says men and women are different. women arent made like men etc.. i told him no, i cant ever allow that, so he tells me, even though it will be very difficult for him he promises that he will NEVER act on his feelings. he says that he may become stressed sometimes bcuz his curiousity and desire is really really strong, but he says i am the purpose of his life so he doesnt want to let me go cuz he knows he will miss me when he gets older so he prefers to fight his urges now and be happy later.. he says that i am a woman and i dont understand how men are but he says i make him happy, he cant live without me, and as long as i stay with him, he will never do anything with any other woman and is the situation arises that he feels like he cant control himself he will call me and let me know..I am confused and very hurt. I feel like I'm risking so much by staying this relationship. are all men like this? should i trust him? i dont know whats right and wrong about this relationship. we were always pretty close and im happy 4 his honesty but i dont know wat to do. plz help me someone..im seriously depressed!!
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male
reader, Big T203  +, writes (10 March 2011):
Well you said it already , fr someone to break up with you to sleep with other people and get back together is the same as cheating. I dont understand how or even why you would put up with this or even consider it. he is not the only man in this world and believe it or not you will survive without him and he will do it again when he feels the "urge" dont get brainwashed into believing that's normal relationship behavior.
A
female
reader, anna88 +, writes (8 March 2011):
anna88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso we broke up a little bit after our 5th anniversary because he said he doesn't want to ever hurt me. after TWO MONTHS of practically no contact (we did speak two times on the phone 4 a little while) he sends me a message saying he regrets breaking up with me, he slept with at least 9 other women, he doesn't care about them it was just 4 sex, he cant love anyone or care about them like he did 4 me. etc etc etc..he says he was just using them 4 sex since he wanted the experience but now that he has it he says he realized he cant live without me and no one will be as good to him as i was.and no one makes him happier than i do and we have the best relationship ever cause we are so close etc.
i am kinda confused because i still love him no matter what he does. this is what i'm thinking, if he has left me once to go sleep with other women he can do it again. he disrespected me by sleeping with them and now i may have to face them someday somewhere while with him because we live in small island, and i do not want to be disrespected when these women come over to him.im thinking about stds and wondering what kind of women did he sleep since they slept with him within ssuch a short space of time. he says the were not sluts,lol,i dont know.. its girls from his schools bars etc.. and im thinking if he really loved me as he says how could he have slept with all these women within such a short space of time while i was at home suffering and missing him.
but i'm also thinking that we r young, and maybe he was just curious and that now that he has tried and realized that he "wants/needs me" he will be better this time around? btw im writing this part but not believing it.. i am truly confused, he tells me no relationship would survive without problems and that only he and i know how much we love each other and should therefore get pass this and focus on our future together.
what do i do? he is really going all out and not giving up on trying to make back.calling home,coming to my uni,at least a hundred phone calls a day because usually i don't answer..the other day one of the women he slept with was calling him and to prove that he told all of them to leave him alone he answered in front of me and told her very harshly to never call him again just so that they would stop calling. he said none of those women would create any problems ever again between us :( what to i do?
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A
female
reader, Eskim0  +, writes (17 October 2010):
You have to ask yourself love, do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who has admitted to you that he would rather sleep with other women?
This, for me anyway, would be an absolute deal-breaker. A man that is in love with you will only EVER want to be with YOU.
You both started seeing eachother at a young age and it's not uncommon for people to feel like they should play the field.
I was in a relationship for well over five years...when we broke up over a year ago I thought that was the be all and end all when it came to love...but then I fell in love again with another guy...and it feels amazing.
Remember, everytime you get burnt is a lesson learnt...just respect yourself and think about moving on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): In my opinion, u 2 probley arent going to last forever. It sounds like he loves u but he wants to do the younge guy stage. If hes your first, its normal to think hes the only guy in the world for u. But trust me, youll feel that way many times again. remimber.. He could change his mind at any min. And then really hurt u. If u break up on good terms hes more likely to think about u aftr hes matured later in life.. But dnt let him sleep around then and come back.. Let him make it an extra lesson learned about females since hes so curious
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A
male
reader, Big T203 +, writes (17 October 2010):
well I'll start off by saying a man is no different than a woman when t comes to sexual needs and urges. and when you start a young relationship like that with no experience sadly these things happen. and eventually he will give in to them especially if hes actually bringing it up and asking permission but on the same note saying you cant even though its "meaningless" . so you gotta do whats right for you and follow your heart you know the outcome of this.
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