A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well we have been together 7 months and if im honest things have gone pretty slow and i feel sometimes like hes not after anything serious. I put a guard up and sometimes act like the tough girl who's not bothered but i do really care (i guess im scared of getting hurt).Anyway tonight we were having sex and normally hes actually quite sweet and says nice things to me about making love etc... but tonight for the first time he said in the middle of sex "your a really good f**K" He could tell i was a bit upset by this comment and i didnt go on about it and he went home.I then got thinking and sent a text a bit hot headed asking if he was only after one thing from me, and so far hes not text back. Now i feel like a right idiot as if he doesnt text back then can this be true and he is only after one thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies. I was just shocked he said it, maybe I have read too much into it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Get over it! I would be deeelighted!
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A
male
reader, Pritch  +, writes (18 October 2010):
Ok,sometimes guys are in the mood to make love and sometimes it is just sex to get a release. When guys are just having sex, we tend to think with a different mindset and say things like that which may sound degrading and demeaning but its just a spur of the moment thought and I'm sure if you think he loves you, he does. He might be embarrassed that he said that, and being hot headed about it will only make him hold back his thoughts and thats not a good habit to start. Take it as a compliment if you can see it that way, and if not, communicate with a neutral approach; an innocent-until-proven-guilty attitude...
Hope this helps...
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A
male
reader, Pritch +, writes (18 October 2010):
Ok,sometimes guys are in the mood to make love and sometimes it is just sex to get a release. When guys are just having sex, we tend to think with a different mindset and say things like that which may sound degrading and demeaning but its just a spur of the moment thought and I'm sure if you think he loves you, he does. He might be embarrassed that he said that, and being hot headed about it will only make him hold back his thoughts and thats not a good habit to start. Take it as a compliment if you can see it that way, and if not, communicate with a neutral approach; an innocent-until-proven-guilty attitude...
Hope this helps...
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 YouWish and CaringGuy are right about both his intentions and your personal boundaries.
However, don't be too hard on the guy. He was expressing himself in the moment, and getting really mad at him for doing so will discourage him from being honest and open with you in the future. He needs to know that if he says something bad with good intentions, it's not something you're going to hold against him.
Besides, as long as he treats you with respect outside of the bedroom, objectifying you a little in bed is a good indicator that he really appreciates what you're doing. Occasionally treating each other like a piece of meat is just fine as long as respect elsewhere is not compromised - no different han the contrast between "making love" and "doing it like animals."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): lighten up loved it when my man use to say things like that,it was a compliment
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 October 2010):
 I think it's a matter of preference, and I agree with CaringGuy and everyone else that I don't think he intentionally meant to disrespect her.
I personally put "you're a good f**k" in the same category with "you're a good lay", or "you're a good piece of ass" and "you're a fine piece of pussy". If that sort of thing doesn't bother others, more power to them! I know that dirty talk turns some people on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): My husband says it during sex and he will even text me the next day. He is telling you, that you are good in bed, what is there to be upset about? That in no way means he just want you for sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYouwish you are exactly right, I did feel as if I was being used by him. Its the first time hes said anything like this to me, normally he says nice things so this just threw me. Maybe he said it in the spare of the moment. Ill give him some space and then make contact tomorrow. thanks x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Why in the middle of f**king is in unacceptable to say this. It wasn't at the dinner table in front of her parents. It was in the middle of the act.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 October 2010):
Yes, good point YouWish. OP - also tell him how you feel and why, and explain to him you'd prefer him not to say that again.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 October 2010):
I don't often disagree with CaringGuy for good reason. He gives fantastic advice.
However, I actually see this from a bit of a different perspective. From a woman's perspective, saying "you're a really good f**k" has the connotation that we're being used and objectified for one purpose only. A woman is not a "f**k".
I don't think your guy thought that far when he said that to you though, so I think that you should just request that he doesn't say that to you again, and tell him why. That's actually one of the good things about a relationship - we get to know what turns us on and turns us off about the other person so that we can be better at all aspects of the relationship, including sex.
Personally, I would NOT want to hear that I was a "good f**k" or anything else usually said in the porn flicks. I think "you're beautiful" or "that feels so good" would work a bit better.
He might just be a bit embarrassed by what happened, which is why he's not talking to you. Give him the benefit of the doubt, talk it out, and tell him your fear of being used for sex, which is the reason why his remark hit you the way it did.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 October 2010):
You've read far too much into this. Far too much. In the middle of sex, he just said what he was thinking, which was you are amazing in bed, except he said it in a short, direct way. It definitely doesn't show he's just interested in sex. If he had been, he wouldn't have stayed around for 7 months. You may well have hurt him quite a bit by suggesting that all he was after is sex. I think you may need to do a bit of apologizing to him. You've just accused him of using you over a single word, and nothing else.
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