A
male
age
41-50,
*umpman23
writes:I met this girl at work, she had just seperated with her husband and has a 2 year old child, and she lived with me for 3 + months in which time we grew very very close. Now she has been back at the husbands for about 3 months during which time we have been having an affair up till this day. It's been getting harder as each week goes by and I feel exactly the same as I did on day one. This last week it feels as though the same affection from her is not there any more (she said I know sorry I feel like that, it must be pmt, due on soon, but I do want you) but my feelings toward her are endless!Now its nearly Christmas and I am going out of my head I don't know what to do, beer is a big help which is not a good idea I know. It's like I am saying to myself I need to accept the fact that she cannot be with me and I need to be strong and move on but she is my world!!! I am an emotional wreck.Has anyone been in the same or anything like this situation?? How do you move on from somthing like this? We are a carbon copy of each other (we both said soulmates as well) we love each other but because of her situation things have gone backwards rather than forwards in my eyes
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affair, at work, christmas, girl at work, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 While I am sorry for you, I am not sorry for the outcome. I think she did a very hard thing. However, I am concerned that she kind of put the "keep on trying" out there for you. It is best if you move on without reservation. You should try to limit your "soulmate" reference to her as well.
Consider this. I do believe in fate as well. Perhaps it was fate that you got to meet this very lovely person because now you know what to look for in the dating game. Each person who comes into our lives is put there for a reason. You just don't know the reason yet.
Take care.
A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (26 November 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok well here is the update :-(
I saw her today and we talked and we have ended it now , she says that i am still the best man and only man she will ever want to be with.
but because she is married and the fact she has a young daughter she cannot do anything about it
i feel for her so strong and all through out i was close to tears or in tears , talking or not. Which she does not like to see ,and gets a bit moody but i cant help it.
She has been hurt so much in the past and does not show lots of emotion. Apart from just before when she said she just teared up and cried out of no where infront of the husband which suprised me
at one point she even said "ya know, if ya keep on doin this u will end up winnin me" from out the blue ,wether or not she ment to say loose me i am not sure but i did not pick her up on it
So its ended , and the bottom line is we both still call each other sole mates ,she said that the fact that she ended up working where i did was fate and we where ment to meet each other , this is going to be so so hard and i just don't know how i am going to cope
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 November 2007):
Dear jumpman23, I know it is easier said than done. I will be sending courage accross the ocean for you on Monday and hope things go well for you. Take your time if you get hurt by what happens on Monday. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel when you only see darkness. Holding on doesn't do anything for you except give you false hope. It also limits the here and now for you. But take time to heal my friend.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 You two moved too quickly. She was in a bad situation and ripe for attention or validation. You were looking for mate. she should not have been. The sad part for you is that you have to take your lumps. Her priority should be to her husband. That is the truth. Will it happen in the long run, who knows. As painful as it seems, she's doing the right thing by being with him but she's is being so, so selfish by being with you behind his back. At this point, she is the one causing the confusion and you're allowing her.
You have to get the strength to walk away and give her space, that is love.
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A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (25 November 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks dearkelja you are very right when you say "Meanwhile, you need to be thinking that she most likely will not choose you and then you need to move on" that is what i am thinking and i am starting to just hold on ,,, thats what has been making me so so upset all week . and the thaught of telling her this on monday is so hard and makes me tear up thinking ov having to do it :-(
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 November 2007):
This woman sounds confused but since she is now with her husband, you need to give her space to figure out what she wants to do. Meanwhile, you need to be thinking that she most likely will not choose you and then you need to move on. I am reminded of a song, "Sometimes love just ain't enough" and maybe this woman is thinking about her family, especially around the holidays.
If you give her space she will appreciate you for it. And if she is trying to break it off slowly, she will appreciate you for not making her feel guilty.
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A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (25 November 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks issy hun its so so hard its very early days as i have not spoke to her yet , i should be with her all day on monday though so then could be crunch time :-(no dinku ,we both love each other, we are each others ideal partners but because of her situation its very very hard for her! how can u say its just an obssesion!!!! wot do u know! nothin about the last 7+ months for a start
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A
male
reader, dinku  +, writes (25 November 2007):
well in the first place u don't love her it is just an obssesion that u are in. don't u think so?
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (25 November 2007):
 hun, you need to ask why she went back to her husband.
if she went back to try again, then she is officially unavailable and what the two of you are doing is wrong. She is probably trying to end the relationship with you by winding it down, go find someone single to take your mind off her, she is now off limits. Im sorry but she has chosen hubs over you, you need to uderstand that.
pleae=se please stay off the booze, it will only prove to increase your depession, instead eat well, drink loads of water and start looking for the real thing (love) else where.
*huge hugs*
issy xxx
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A
male
reader, jumpman23 +, writes (25 November 2007):
jumpman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni feel i didnt emphasise on how close we are in my post , we have both said we have never met someone like each other , we talked about how we would both want to live and be together for the rest of our lives. And we could both see eachother being together forever ITS SO VERY HARD to decide what to do , The child is the only thing i feel has kept them together AND FAIR PLAY :-)
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