A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My now ex-girlfriend and I broke up after an amazing 3 year relationship, our first real relationship for both of us. She broke up with me because she wanted to experience the world and be single now, so that she didn't have doubts about settling down with me in the future. It was always assumed (by each other, family, friends etc.) that we would end up getting married some time in the next 5 years, and we had discussed this. We were very serious.She broke up with me and I spent about 2 months trying to be as good as I could be for her - still giving her nice things, being supportive, affectionate, all of those things. This was all good, and whilst maybe not the right way to deal with things, it was working out ok as just a close friendship.2 weeks ago, she went away with 7 guys and her best female friend for the weekend. Before she had gone away, she had made me trust her that nothing was going to happen, but when she got back, told me that she had hooked up with one of the guys. Since then, she led me on for a while, saying "I don't know what I want, I don't want to lose your friendship, or damage our future relationship, but I feel like this is something I have to do now (seeing another guy)"Now they are becoming closer and closer and I don't know what the best course of action for me is. Do I try and completely detach myself (which is really really difficult when she still wants a friendship, and I still want a friendship, but hearing about/seeing photos of them together absolutely destroys me because I'm still in love with her) or do I stay around as a friend and hope that she realises this guy isnt worth the risk?Hardest thing I have faced in my life so far, because I feel like I have lost the most important part of my life, my future with her, which was once so certain, and now, seems so uncertain.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): She is continuing to take the benefits of having you as BF, but she has stopped committing and paying the prices of it.
YOU NEED TO BREAK THINGS OFF PERMANENTLY. Not to punish her. Not prove anything to her. It's just for your own self-respect and emotional well-being. Get some distance between yourself and her and start to heal and move on to someone else.
Don't go back to her as a BF/GF. It's best if you probably don't even keep her as a close friend. You need distance.
A
female
reader, Weramazing  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Probably it forever and you will meet someone even more amazing. It's something you have to do or you can stay in this same position. It's up to you how things turn out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response!
She knows that what she is doing is selfish, and she has tried her hardest to make it clear to me that she doesn't expect me to wait around - because she is a great girl and she hates hurting me.
Obviously despite her words of hating hurting me and caring about me so much are not so comforting when she goes and does it anyway - and I guess in this instance, her behaviour is more telling than her words.
I'm so reluctant to let go and move on because if I do, then that's probably it forever, and that's not something I want.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (18 March 2010):
 I honestly hate it when people do this. She's stringing you along and she knows she'll have you there if things turn sour with her new beau. This is a selfish action in itself. She's having her cake and eating it too.
You may love her, but she doesn't have to be the only person you'll ever love. You're going to see that people change, not always the way you expect them to.
I hope you find strength and courage inside you to not let yourself be walked upon like this, and set sail into your future without her.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (18 March 2010):
Hi
what she is doing is wrong and the best thing for you to do is walk away from her, heal and move on with your life.
How she could want to be seeing other guys but have you waiting for her is beyond me.
I respect that she was honest with you about everything but she doesn't love you as if she did she wouldn't even think of any other guy let alone be seeing other guys.
So how long do you want to be that desperate young guy who has so much to offer waiting in the hope that she comes to her senses And comes back to you after she sleeps with other guys even though she may not come back? Or are you going to wake up, move on and realise how ridiculous she is being expecting you to wait!
You deserve more then this. I know it's hard to move on but I can tell you for a fact it'll be harder to stay involved and watch her have relationships with other guys.
Move on and in the future you will find someone who really loves you and only wants you.
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