A
female
age
36-40,
*arah1984
writes:My partner of 8 years decided 3/ 4 months ago that he wanted to have some time apart.He said that he loved me but he needed this. Since we have been apart i have only seen him 3 times, the reasons which he said he needed time apart was he said i was controlling and didnt let him do anything. The thing is he is the kind of person who's priorites are: Playing Xbox games most of the time and going on the computer all of the time.and seeing friends who only want to see him when they want too. He would rather see his friends then sort out his relationship with me, kind of slotting me in for 20 mins in the 3 days i saw him. so this makes me feel like im the bottom of the list.The other downfall is that he doesnt seem to thing he has done anything wrong, i know relationships are 50/50 but it seems that he thinks its all my fault.The other thing he cant get in to his head is that i didnt mind him going to see his friends etc but it would of been nice for him to let me know instead of telling me 10 mins before it was happening, considering food was made / cooked.I have recently found out that he is on a dating website, i confronted him about this and he said he didnt know where we are right now and he was just seeing whats out there. He said that he does love me, i am really confused at the moment and so very hurt. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): I think you deserve much better than this. A relationship should be fun and bring happiness and when things get like this, although its hard, you have to know when to call it a day.
He has already done the first step by calling the break, if I were you I would end it on my terms and make the break permanant and enjoy some time without the confusion of a guy like that and then look for someone who offers love and respect.
Best of luck in the future x
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 You didn't say even once in this post that YOU actually LOVE him...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): First of all it sounds like you are desperately in love with this man and it appears that he does not feel the same way from what I have read. I know it might hurt, but you need to hear it from someone. Its clear you are a very loving and caring person. What you need to do is get out there. You can do a lot better than this man who doesn't seem to care about your feelings or the relationship that you had. Just remember you deserve more than what he is offering, which is not a lot!
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): He is keeping you as back up. He may be telling you he is loves you, but ask yourself is he acting like he is. I mean he loves you, he just wants to see what out there? When you love someone you don't care what's out there. Time to let him go and move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2010):
To be honest, it doesn't sound like he's mature enough to be in a relationship. You're in your twenties, but he's acting more like a teenage boy. You're not even second best. It just doesn't sound like he's committed, or ready for a relationship as you are. When you're in your mid to late twenties and your X-Box, games and friends are coming before your girlfriend, you have problems.
Oh, and also he's on a dating site. Meaning that he's looking for someone else.
To be honest, he's making no effort, he's on a dating site, and even when you're together, he makes no effort. I think you can do better, and I think that if you let him back into your life, you'll wind up the 40 year old woman without a husband, kids, a life, wondering what happened. There are enough unhappy women already. Don't become another. Move on from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Finish with him. He sounds like a big kid and not ready for a grown up relationship. He is blaming you because you won't go along with him and he sounds selfish. Saying 'I love you' is the easy bit - it's just words. It's actions that count. I feel you need to look for someone who will treat you properly with warmth, respect and who puts you at the heart of his life. So be confused no longer - get rid. Do yourself a favour.
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