A
male
age
36-40,
*ikeRocca
writes:It seems like my girlfriend always is upset. It feels like anything I do. She is an emotional and sensitive girl - this she does admit. She will cry at any sad part of a movie, cry when she is happy; just generally emotional. However, her constant being upset is wearing me down. I tell her how much she means to me all the time (and I mean all the time) and I often write her cards for no reason telling her how much she means to me. She knows she means the world to me but it feels like she constantly needs me to prove it to her. She likes to talk about how 'not like other girls' she is for example when we are talking about friends of the opposite sex (platonic) - she is 'perfectly cool, she has guy friends too'. But when it comes to it she will be upset or peeved if I mention one of my friends. She will never voice this however, she will just be quiet and look gloomy then find another reason a short while later to be 'upset' or bad tempered such as "stomach ache" or headache. I love her to bits, but what can I do? I feel like I am treading on eggshells all the time! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): Your girlfriend sounds immature emotionally, and she may be emotionally blackmailing you by keeping you off balance especially when it comes to your female friends...instead of being upfront with you about how she feels about that.
You might ask her what she needs to feel more safe in your relationship....she sounds like she may have a problem with managing anger, and is behaving passive agressively alot of the time....this is sort of a form of abuse....really, you should not be made to feel that all the issues and problems in your relationship are because of something YOU do. Mature, loving adults, talk with each other and resolve issues without resorting to these kind of emotional games....Her way of dealing stems from a deep sense if insecurity, and there is no amount of reassurance from you that is going to fix that in her, she has to do that work herself, alone.
You have a decision to make, are you happy like this, or is it time to enjoy your life and take back your power and be free to date others? You are still very young, and you may not know what you are really looking for in a partner...there is something in you that is keeping you hooked with this frustration you feel. Take a look at that in yourself and figure out where that comes from, could it be your parents had a difficult relationship and you as a kid often felt frustrated when they just would not get along? Always tried to be the good egg in the family to smooth things over taking on too much responsibility for the friction at home?
Once you name the problem you can decide to change it if you want to do so....you don't have to play this game anymore, you aren't a little kid any more dependent on your parents for survival. You can choose to have a healthier relationship as you have learned what it is you do not want.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 January 2008):
 I don't think it's PMS. This thing your girl does, sounds almost exactly what I do when I'm upset, and I've been told that I'm passive aggressive, which is APPARENTLY an actual diagnosis...sort of like...hyper non-confrontationality whose aggression ends up coming out in less active, more indirect ways. When I'm upset with my boyfriend, I can't speak. At all. It's sort of paralysing. Sorry to make this all about me--but I think next time she starts claming up, vocally observe that she's being quiet, and ask her what she's thinking about. If she passes it off like she's fine or has an illness, you could say something like, "i can tell you're uncomfortable when I mention X, but I don't understand why ." and if she says something like she isn't upset say something like 'it seems like you get "sick"/quiet a lot when this subject comes up, I want to work through this discomfort than avoid it because I want to communicate better and feel more at ease, vs. checking myself everytime I say omething". just give her a lot of patience, because it may take a while for her to formulate what's actually upsetting her.
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A
female
reader, zeddiebear  +, writes (24 January 2008):
I think you might need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. If you don't this relationship will get tiresome and you will end up being mad at each other and it will all collapse.
Notice if shes upset ALL the time or if she is just PMSing. Crying at movies and when she's happy im sure doesn't bother you because that's not a part of PMS.
Another reason might be, (a possibility because I act like this sometimes) when I'm bored of the guy and want to move on. But he is sweet as hell and I don't want to hurt him or don't want the situation to get messy.
Now this might not be it AT ALL. It could be a possibility. What you need to do is talk to her. Tell her gently, that she seems to be more upset than not with you lately and ask if she's unhappy with something. Go from there. Don't seem threating. Knowing her she might cry but don't let that scare you just keep at it till you get to the root of the problem.
Hope this helps
xoxo,
gossip girl
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (24 January 2008):
 You will have to either just learn to deal with this or try to talk to her about her jealousy of other wemon. If she can talk about other guys you should be able to talk to her about other females. And if you are willing to talk to her about them that should make her comfortaable about them. Becuase most people who have cheated with one of there gf friends usually want to avoid talking about that friend or talk about one nonstop.
Or if you cant work things out and cant take dealing with her emotions any longer you may have to try to find someone else. I dont like to lead you to do this but jealousy can be a killer in relationships. And it wont get any better with time, especially once she starts to feel unatractive...
But it may also not get any worse either. Just try talking to her about your issues about the way she acts she may get upset but it may help you in the long run
I hope everything works out for you and her!
Good Luck!
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