A
female
age
26-29,
*ustme..x
writes:So, things are a mess with my ex. Help? I'm sorry if this is one huge ramble, I really need to let it all out somehow. I broke up with him at the start of July earlier this year. We'd been together a while, a year and a few months. Each other's first love. To me, that says someone you'll never forget, someone who you'll always have a little soft spot for, someone you might keep in touch with. And yet we don't speak. We don't even look at each other. The atmosphere is the worst. I can't bear to see him because it hurts, and he certainly doesn't want me in his life. He's changed a lot to say the least and I'm not cool enough to be part of his new life haha. I don't really like the person he's become, and it scares me to look back and think how in love we were at the time. So I'm not looking for ways to become friends. Because neither of us want that. But I just don't know how to deal with the horrible non-relationship between us.Don't get me wrong, I did try. At first, I was the friendliest thing ever. But he didn't respond, sometimes he even cut me dead, and each time it happened it hurt and ruined my day, and eventually I stopped bothering, and followed his lead avoiding each other.It's like he's forgotten all of it? It's like we're strangers? Surely that's not normal. I'd settle for "leave it, get on with your life" ... but I have to see him all the time, we get the same bus to college ... I'm always dreaming about us and remembering things. It gets me down. I'm so lonely. I was wanting to crush on someone else just purely for a distraction, to ease the hollow feeling, but I don't like anyone at college that way haha. I cannot do my two years at sixth form the way it's going at the moment: taking certain routes to avoid seeing him, worrying I'll run into him in the corridor, hoping he doesn't come up in conversation, always glancing around for him, placing myself as far away as possible. It's ridiculous, and it's difficult. Also, please don't think this is all just me! God knows he does it too. I just can't face it every single day. Will it get easier? I can't see how if this is how we're going to behave. I don't know what to do. He's become this new person, and everyone seems to love him! Which really gets to me :/ to me he doesn't seem very nice these days, but I've got this nagging feeling I must be wrong or I must be missing out on something; everyone else seems to think of him as this amazing guy. I feel like he's flown off and I'm stuck on the ground.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Well look: I'm sorry to hear you are so upset by this situation. If he was your first real boyfriend, that is something you don't easily forget.
But now you and he have ended your relationship. He's changed, and seems to have become more popular, as you say.
The only thing you CAN do is not to go out of your way to avoid him when on your way to school, taking different routes and worrying that you might run into him in the corridor, knowing he won't acknowledge you. By doing these sorts of avoidance actions, you're only adding fuel to the "fire" of hurt you are stuck in.
You can become un-stuck, however! What you have to do is to take the attitude "So what?" So what if he doesn't speak to or look at me? What do I care?
And, you know something? When a break-up occurs it's better not to even try to be friends. Both of you need to go your separate ways, and live your own lives. That's normal and healthy.
I am aware that you DO care, but the thing is, to ACT as if you don't. Treat it - if you can - as though you're acting a part in a play. In time, faking it will become reality. In other words, after a while you may well discover you really DON'T care after all. Water off a duck's back, so to speak.
In addition, begin to focus more on activities that interest you and talk to your friends. Right now, succeeding at your sixth form studies should be more important than your ex - and needs all your attention!
Good luck.
A
female
reader, euphrasia  +, writes (30 October 2011):
am kind of like in the simillar situation.me and my ex broke up in june this year.we are at the same university, we stay on the same campus and we go to the same church.so you can imagine how often we run into each other.the first two months were hell for me,i just couldn't take.he started sleeping with a girl who is just next door to me.i was very broken.i tried being friends with him thinking that it would make me feel better,but he ignored me and this made me feel worse.i still have two years before i complete my course.this means i have to put up with it for two years.in the begining i thought seeing him,running into him would easy the pain but it only made me feel worse and it was just delaying my healing prosses.so i decided to avoid him at all cost,it was had not to run into him.i avoid all the places where he is usually found, i have started going to a different church.its been five months since the break up and i feel a whole lot better.and now he wants to come back into life,but i feel i deserve better so i told him not to visit or contact me i want nothing to do with him.i still run into him, but it dosen't hurt the way it used to and it easily goes away.this tells me that am on my way to full recovery.so for your situation i think you should just try to avoid him any way you can.the more you dont see him the more you will start feeling better,it will easy the pain.and don't worry about what people think of him.tell yourself that you are agood person too.am sure this change is just a way of making you feel bad and regret your decision.you deserve better in life.time is one the best healers.it will get better.sorry for blabbing about my own story.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I want you to start living as a stronger person. I don't know why you still worry about your ex.
He might be gay. Maybe that's why he keeps avoiding you. Yes, that must be it.
Just forget about him. Life goes on and shit happens and then it hits the fan. Everything we do in life echoes throughout eternity. And you don't want to be worrying about some loser like your ex when there are more important things happening in the world.
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