A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my gf and i have gone through a very rough patch recently when i found out she had been lying to me for months and texting and talking with another man along with sending semi nude photos to him and telling the man she loved him and he her. i am not sure if they met up or not.some background info:she is on anti depressants and it seemed to me like everything changed when she started on them, she told me they have made her feel alone and numb. she suffers from an eating disorder and self esteem issues and was raped when she was 16. she does not feel worthy of being with me especially after this. she has tried to distance herself from me for months and all in all i cant trust her. i realise why she did this with this man because she felt the need for verification and to be worth somthing. the thing is i have always supported her i drive her to her psych apointments and constantly give her small gifts and tell her how beautiful she is. she told me she has deleted her email address however she cant show it to me because she changed the password and doesnt remember it now, she is still always with her phone and i cant stop thinking that he is texting her stillmy question is should i stay with her after she has lied to me and decieved me for months even with all the underlying issues and how can she earn my trust back?
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male
reader, turtlesprite  +, writes (2 November 2011):
run. far away. I've been exactly where you are. Dated a girl who was on prozac, had a serious eating disorder, etc. She was always texting other guys, which was most likely due to her lack of self worth, or whatever. She eventually cheated on me, but lied about it and tried to point the blame at her medication. Girls like this are extremely manipulative! It is imperative that you accept this. I know it's hard, but they are masters of lying and snaking around behind the backs of those who care about them the most. I used to go to eating disorder counseling with my ex. I gave her gifts all the time. And then she stabbed me right in the back. Girls like this cannot be saved or fixed by anyone but themselves. It's sad, but your life will be much better without that poison. You need to leave her so she can maybe wake up and change her ways, or continue her life of trash. Either way, it's out of your control. Best of luck man, I feel for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): Look,i went through 7 years of it. You will end up so miserable and full of so much self doubt that you wont even be able to recognise yourself. You could never class anyone who does that as a safe bet. She will do it again.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Hmm... I have major self-esteem issues. I'm currently on antidepressants, and I've suffered from every form of an eating disorder you can think of. Do you think I would EVER cheat on my husband? The one man who's loved me unconditionally from the beginning? The one man who's given me nothing but reassurance and support? Never!Your girlfriend's issues are not an excuse for her behavior towards YOU. You have absolutely nothing to due with her insecurities, and you should know that no matter what trauma she's going through with herself, you should never be the victim and pay for her actions.You need to cut all ties with this girl and move on. Don't contact her. Don't check on her. Don't keep in touch with her whatsoever. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself. Her giving you the line that she needed "verification that she was worth something". She has you for that, and that's why she's in a relationship with you. She doesn't deserve you now based on what her actions have proven. Please leave her, and do not look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): The truth is even if you have a mental illness you still are responsible for your actions. Being on anti-depressants can make you into a zombie and they don't always help. There are so many types of anti-depressants out there that it can take years to find one that actually helps if at all. Until then she needs to be working on herself. Meds are not a cure. A person with an illness needs to take steps to work with her illness.From you description you have been a much better support system than most. Her issues are far more than what is on the surface and she is going to have to work very hard to get through it. It is unfortunate that she was raped, that in itself is an issue. At the same time, I find it odd that after such an experience she is being so free with herself in sending semi-nude photos to another man.I would say that you can't continue to support a person who is not willing to work on themselves and take responsibility for their illness. Also you can't support someone who lies and cheats behind your back. Flirt texting and sexting are not appropriate to trust. In my opinion I would not want to stay with her at that point. She needs to build more than trust, she needs to get herself in a better place and she obviously did not appreciate the good things she had in you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I would say she has a LOT of selfdiscovery and counseling, before she is really able to be in a monogamous relationship.
To me, what she did is cheating. I do think she coulde be analyzing the cause for her actions correctly, BUT anti-depressants and other things, DO not take away her CHOICE. She knew it was wrong, she knew it would hurt you, yet she did it anyways.
If she is someone you can see yourself long term with, I would suggest you tell her to get help, before continuing the realtionship. My fear would just be that you would spend years i nthe furute just waiting for her to do it again.
Trust is really hard to rebuild. It can take years.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): Run for the hills my good man. I have an ex who went the anti-depressant route touted by the self-righteous shrews we call the psychiatric community. These psychotropic drugs cause much more harm than good, do your own research on them, and even the psych industry admits that 85% of patients taking them are still depressed. The side effects are unbelievable, and far more damaging than feeling depressed. My ex, pregnant after 6 weeks of dating after lying about being on birth control, drank alcohol, smoked, and had daily temper tantrums over nothing. My son was born with a host of disabilities, fetal alcohol syndrome among them. After insisting she get help for her violent temper, she admitted herself to hospital. The shrinks there gave her a suitcase full of anti-depressants, and sent her on her way. With little follow up or monitoring, she overdosed a number of times, and had a number of suicide attempts. Her behaviour was so erratic, mostly due to the meds she was prescribed, she slept with just about any guy , or girl she met and exposed us both to std's.
The trust is gone, and you are a fool if you think it will ever return. She can't even come clean and tell you she was boffing her little friend.
Run man...you deserve better. And don't look back. Your life will be back to normal soon, so don't worry about it. It will be a lot easier than staying with her. Trust me...I'm a contractor. Delighted in Durham
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 N0, y0u sh0uldnt stay, t0 me: this is cheating. Maybe0ther p0sters feel differently, but when y0ure in a relati0nship, at n0 p0int sh0uld y0u be texting pictures 0f y0urself t0 0ther pe0ple 0r telling them that y0u l0ve them.
0f c0urse her dis0rders aren't helping , but it s0unds a little that y0ure using them as an excuse n0t t0 break up with her.
She's cheated dude, m0ve 0n.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I can understand that she has a lot of issues and my heart goes out to her it really does, but it still does not give her the right to treat you like this. To me it sounds like you have been the perfect support for her and you are helping her as much as you can, and yet she throws it back in your face by doing this. Off course she has low self esteem and wants to feel loved and wanted, but that is what you are there for and it does not give her a good excuse to go sending photos of herself to another man and telling him that she loves him. Love is a strong word. It does sound like she is confused at the moment, which is not fair on you. In my eyes I would say that the relationship is over. But it is obvious that you love her and you want to make it work. But she is the one that needs to put the hard work in from here. Tell her that you do not trust her any more and if she wants the relationship to get back on track tell her she needs to earn the trust back. Internet should be cut out of her life and yours for a while and she needs to use her phone less. Her being so attached to her phone shows that she is hiding something. So she needs to show that she trusts you by letting go off her phone and spending time without it. Both of you have nights out, spend quality time together, but she needs to show you that she loves you and wants to be with you and is not making a fool out of you. She needs to make more of an effort for this to work.
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