A
female
age
41-50,
*endy2012
writes:I have sexually lost interest in my husband of three years. I find his touch annoying. We have had our share of problems. Am suddenly remembering all the past hurt and just get turned off. One of them is that when we were dating, he made me beg for sex from him. He would tell me ‘’when you want sex, let me know….’’ And even when I asked him for sex, he made me feel unattractive and dirty. He was repulsed at my vaginal fluids and could not even touch me. This changed a bit after we married, then he started pressuring me to conceive. I conceived and he was repulsed with my ugly pregnant body. I begged him to touch me, massage me, or kiss me. He did not kiss me for 7 months, when I asked, he gave me dry kiss. When I asked him to give me gentle massage, he would say ‘’tomorrow’’ or start and then doze off after a few minutes. I felt lonely,ugly, rejected and unwanted. He also treated me so bad, he had nothing to do with the pregnancy even though it was his idea. He never showed interest in how I was doing, and I had to force him to buy baby clothes. Never asked about due date, sex of baby, never went with me to any doc appointment and was not even interested in discussing baby names. I gave birth and the baby passed on two days later. Its been a month now, am back in shape, looking good and he is all over me wanting sex. It annoys me and find it irritating to be touched by him. I feel like he rejected me when I most needed him, and now he wants me cos I look attractive. I also feel like after making me pregnant, he abandoned me, and now he is back to want to impregnate me again. Am I over reacting? I cant just snap out of this feeling, how do I go about it. do you think discussing with him would help change how I feel?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wendy2012 +, writes (5 September 2022):
wendy2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts been nine years since I posted this and I have not regained my interest in sex with my husband. I still find him repulsive. I have learnt to live in a *sexless" marriage.
A
female
reader, cupid lover  +, writes (24 October 2013):
I'm very sorry to hear this has happened to you because it is his issues.
My question is.... Why on earth do you still want to be with this person?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 OP, I am so sorry for your loss.
No, you are not overreacting, you are doing the opposite. I can't think how on earth you've put up with this man. It sounds like hell.
Certainly you should talk to him about all of this (and NOT be pressured into having sex or conceiving again) but I don't think it will change how you feel unless it makes him change his behaviour. Which I don't have a good feeling about.
Again, I'm very sorry for what's happened. I hope you have the support of friends and family.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (23 October 2013):
 I really can't imagine what you have been through, my heart goes out to you.
I think the answer to this problem can be decided on whether or not you want to stay with your husband.
If you do then Uncle CMMP's advice to seek counselling should be seriously considered.
You may find your husband's touch repulsive at the moment because although you have done very well in getting your pre pregnancy figure back and are looking good, your hormones will still be in turmoil and despite how you may think you feel, you will still be grieving for the loss of your baby.
You will associate sex with conception and it will take time to overcome this loss you've experienced.
Of course, from reading your letter it might also be because you've woken up to the fact that your husband has some real issues going on! I don't wish to be unkind but I really don't understand why you married a man who was such a bully and made you beg for sex! I wouldn't even date a man who did that let alone marry him!
His treatment of you has been distasteful, inconsiderate, controlling and unkind. His attitude to your pregnancy was very disappointing and cruel.
How strange is it, that now you are no longer interested in him sexually, he's now interested in you?
This man needs professional help!
I think you deserve a man who's going to treat you with consideration, love you for who you are and share a loving sexual relationship with you and share and enjoy the children you would have together.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 October 2013):
You need more than advice, you both need counseling.
I don't blame you for being upset at him. If I was you I'd divorce him; one of the more important parts of a relationship is that the other person is someone you can depend on.
I also can see that you are not blameless here. I see things like "he forced me to beg" and cringe. He didn't "force" you, you made the choice. If a man said the same thing the women here would suggest upping the ante in the bedroom. Sex can become a routine and begging is certainly not the way to improve things. In fact, it's the opposite.
Either way, you either need to leave him or go to couple's therapy. There isn't a third option that involves happiness.
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