A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like a loser. I know this is not relationship based, but I do need some help or advice or just someone to read this. I am in my late twenties, I dont have a job, I dont have a a partner, I dont have any family or friends, and I dont have really have...anything. It just seems like everyone around me has a job, a family, kids, a LIFE. And before you say, I have my health, I dont. I have like various disorder and issues that require constant medication and operations every few years. Add to that I am a virgin, no man has ever loved me enough to take it to the next level and I am painfully aware of that. What do I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Well if you dont have anything (which isnt true by the way - you are still living therefore you are alive, you will have a roof over your head, food, water....so much more than what many people have, think of the people starving in Africa or the Japanese who lost everything in the Tsunami) - then you need to start building up to having something.
Why dont you have a job? What is stopping you from getting one? Have you tried voluntary work? Have you tried going back to college if your education is the problem? If your health stops you working could you work part time? If your operations are only every few years then you wont be in hospital that much so you can still work.
One of my former colleagues has kidney failure yet worked 40+ hour weeks at work with me and never once complained. Yes she had to go to hospital about once a week but that was agreed with the employer and it was fine. She was a very poorly lady, she was waiting until her kidney function was down to 15% (hers was 20% when she worked with me) before she could have a kidney transplant. But she still worked despite being so very ill, I mean she had complete kidney failure and was months away from a transplant but she still came in day in day out without fail. So when you say you have various illnesses I'm sure they are awful but unless it is worse than total kidney failure then I'm not going to have much sympathy.
Once you get a job, whether its part time, voluntary, full time...this will allow you to make friends. Seeing people on a daily basis and talking to them means you get to have friends simply because you see them so often.
As for family - what has happened to yours? Where are your parents? Grandparents? Siblings? Cousins? I'm sure there must be a few people on this earth who you are related to - so what has happend to your relationship with them? Why are you not making the effort to see them? Regardless of the past, you should reach out to any family you have left and spend time with them, get to know them again and re-build your relationships.
Once you have sorted out a job, family and friends then I'm sure love will come in time. You need to get your own life back on track before you can think about getting involved with someone. There is no reason why you wont meet a man who will love you, there are millions of men out there. You just need to get some confidence and that will come once you get a job, friends etc. Have you tried online dating? That may be an option for you to meet people and start dating.
Sorry if this seems a bit harsh - but I think you need a bit of tough love here. You have so much more than a lot of people on earth and I know that isnt comforting right now, but I always believe you should be thankful for what you have, regardless of how little or how much that may be.
You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self pity, get off your bum and make some changes! Life isnt going to sit waiting for you on your doorstep, you actually have to make a lot of effort to be succesful in life. Jobs dont come easy, I worked for nearly a year for free before I got a good job. Friends require effort just like family - you have to keep contact with them all the time, arranging to see them, having a catch up etc. I am a big believer in that you only get out of life what you put in - so if you put in a lot of effort then eventually you will get something back.
It might take a while, nothing will happen overnight - but the more you try eventually you will get somewhere. Change your outlook on life, be positive and be pro-active, then I can promise you things will start to look up for you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (14 December 2011):
You can only start with one small step and build up from there. Voluntary work will increase your skills, your confidence in yourself and your social contacts. Or join a group to get in touch with other people. Try the meetup.com site for things in your area. You can turn your life around quite quickly by making the right steps.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 You have life!!! You need to start taking control of it and making it positive. Stop looking at all the negatives in your life. Be thankful that you are alive. Stop looking at others and saying they have a life and you don't. There are people in the world who can't afford a roof over there head or clothes on there back and they can sometimes be the most passionate, positive and happy people in the world. Because they appreciate the small things in life. Like being able to breathe and eat.
You are not a loser and you need to stop thinking like that. Your virginity is a special thing and am glad you were not careless with it. Look I can understand your self esteem and confidence issues. You need to work on those. Write down a list of everything that you are thankful for in life. Then make a to do list on what you want to achieve in life. A job, a partner ect. Then look at positive ideas on how you could achieve this. Write up your resume and hunt until you find work. Put yourself in situations where you can meet new people, talk to them be forward and friendly and don't let any opportunities pass you by. Everyone has strength within them and you have it in you to fight this and take control of your life. Good luck.
...............................
|
