A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why am I so picky when it comes to men? I'll like a guy and the minute he starts to get interested in me it's like I completely go off him, infact I can't stand him to be around me or touch me. And even liking a guy is a rare occurance, I never fancy anyone. Literally nobody interests me and I find fault with everyone. One tiny little thing will put me off somebody forever. Alot of guys show interest in me but I wouldn't go near any of them with a barge pole. It's not that I'm not attracted to men, but all the men who seem to show interest in ME just don't interest me. They're either scum bags or too nice, and I mean nice as in the wimpy boring guys who are too weak to be scum bags.I've never had a proper long term boyfriend because I've never met anyone I'd like to go out with. I'm good looking, slim and tanned and get loads of male attention, but I'm just not interested in any guy who comes my way and I don't know why.The only guys I seem to be interested in are ones I know it will never work with or ones that show no interest in me at all. the only times I've had anything close to a relationship was with a boy I'd met when I was 13 over the internet, we met when i was 18 and fell in love but of course, long distance never ends well. I'm still in love with him, but he hurt me pretty badly and don't want to be in contact with him again. I think the only reason I even got into the whole thing is because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere.The second time was with a serial cheater, I never put a label on our relationship but we were basically a couple. It was lovely and we had greats times together but I knew sooner or later he'd cheat on me and it would be over. And eventually he did.Recently I met this really nice guy and we've been on one date. I've been trying to not push him away and I'm trying to take things slowly so I haven't even let him kiss me or anything yet. The other night he came over and as he was leaving he kissed me on the cheek, immediately I felt trapped and freaked out and disgusted. Now I'm not sure I like him at all anymore, and I have no idea why!I feel like a crazy person. It's as if I won't allow anyone to love me, but I WANT somebody to love me. Anyone who seems to want to treat me well or nicely immediately disgusts me and I think there's something wrong with them. I'm just worried that this will go on forever and I'll never find someone :( I'll be alone forever. I feel so alone. What can I do?
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fell in love, long distance, the internet, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 May 2011):
 there's worse things than being picky you know.maybe you just haven't met the right one or you are afraid of letting your guard down after being hurt in the past. you are not being fair to these guys though because they are not the one who has hurt you, you cut them off before giving them a chance and the fact that you know you are good looking and there will always be other opportunities with men is not allowing you to appreciate a good person that may come along
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): First of all thank you to everyone who took time to reply to my post, i totally appreciate it and have given you all 5 stars for top advice!Secondly I'd like to answer Annalisa's questions:What is your parents' relationship like?My parents have been together for almost 30 years and were each others first serious relationship. To me their relationship seems worn out and boring, more company than a relationship but they still get on really well and never fight.Do you feel responsible for a family break-up?Not at allAre either of your parents serial cheaters or have they hurt you in a way that makes you feel insecure about your own personality?NoAre you afraid you will react to relationships in the same way (perhaps by becoming a bad parent)?NoDo you feel you deserve to be loved and to be happy?Yes :(Have you ever done something you have grown to regret, but keep locked deep into the secrets of your heart?The only thing in my life I really regret was regarding the long distance relationship I mentioned with the boy I met on the internet. He wanted to commit to a proper relationship with me despite the distance and I of course freaked out and told him no, and was creeped out by him. He told me he loved me and I never said it back, I told him I'd been with other guys and "it's not as if we're married" and that "i free him to the world" It was so nasty, I know I ripped his heart out and stomped on it. I've never told anyone, as I know they'd be as disgusted with me as I am. When he hurt me some years later instead of getting angry at him I got angry at myself and felt i deserved it for hurting him so badly. I think about it everyday and hate myself for being so hateful, and ruining things forever with the only guy i've ever truly cared about.I think I do need some sort of counseling, as there obviously is some kind of emotional barrier getting in the way, probably caused by a mix of many negative events. I think I have issues with commitment, as I can't make simple decisions and have been working dead end jobs because I can't choose what courses to do at college and university as I'm terrified to make the wrong decision. So in a sense these problems are putting my life on hold, I'm 21 and my life hasn't taken any direction yet.Thank you all for your time x
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A
male
reader, j321  +, writes (23 May 2011):
It sounds to me like you have some emotional scars that are causing the trap. Almost like your scars have created a web of prtection and when anyone gets close to you they get caught in it and then you want to put it into a cacoon to protect yourselve from what you do not understand. Sounds kind of complecated but that is the brain. I think once you find a way to heal those scars and then let the right person it would be like a different life for you.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Though I think it'd be better to talk to a therapist about this stuff, if I had to have a shot in the dark I'd say that you're self-sabotaging yourself... simply because its more comfortable for you not to get too close to someone and leave yourself vulnerable.
As for not being attracted to guys who show too much interest, are wimpy and un-challenging... that's perfectly normal. I wouldn't stress too much to be honest, you're still enviably young... plenty of time to figure this stuff out.
Best of luck aye
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