| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend behaves like a five yr old. i love him we met on freshers week i had just come out of a bad relationship and needed someone who really appreciated me, and he did he told me all the time how beautiful i was brought me gifts unexpectedly, surprised me with massages. i returned this. he later asked me to be more open (this for me is very hard) to express emotion better, to hug more, more pda. all of this super hard for me. in return he would have to become more empthatic, sympathise, six months later weve been together a year now. six months before he was lovely, understanding, listened when he had upset me and so did i. now it's one way.i listen to him he doesnt listen to me. i have to tell him hes upset me, then explain why. then defend my corner. because often he will try and make me the bad guy and emotionally blackmail me. this has happened 20 times.he doesnt understand why when i put myself out there and he wont, that i get upset. when im in the wrong he will ignore me for 3 days no contact, i am more than sorry i accept he wont want to be with me and say that, recognize i am in the wrong which is painful for me to do, do anything i can to make it better. but when it is the other way around he won't, untill i have said i do not want to talk to you anymore. i don't even get an apology. it annoys me more that he hasn't always been like this.but lately he thinks he can do this to me and il just be his best friend every time and after about ten times im reaching the point where i am really fed up and i dont want to feel that way because i love him.i am trying to be the best gf for him that i can. but it feels i hardly get anything back. i love him i dont want to be with anyone else but i dont know how to do this anymore.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Ehh He sounds more like work then a partner...
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Why waste any more time on this relationship, especially at your age? I'd say it's time to trade up.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 My experience tells me that it takes about a year before someone shows their true side. He wasn't always like this you say, well I am going to argue against that. I think he always was, is, and will be, like this. What you saw at the beginning of the relationship was him going outside of his normal state, to win you over. He was in love, making the extra effort to "land" you, win you over, get you. Now he has, he feels more comfortable and relax, like he doesn't have to keep up the hard work any more. So his true side comes to the surface again. This is who he really is, do not doubt that. This isn't him changed from how he used to be, this is how he really is. He is a person who upon entering a new relationship shows only one side of himself, makes himself look so wonderful, and hides his other half. He is a person who is immature (like most boys his age) and doesn't understand that a relationship always requires work, and for him to always be on his best behaviour. He thinks once the relationship had progressed, that he can let it all fall apart and not take care of it any longer. It's worked for this long because you are left to do all the work on the relationship, while he's letting it drift. It's called neglect.
He will learn with time, hopefully, that this doesn't work in the long run. But he wont learn that until you leave him for good. So, your options are to either leave him so he can learn, and then he'll be a better boyfriend to someone else, or stick around and have him always be like he is right now. He will not change.
Next time you pick a boyfriend, go for someone age 25+ who has already been in a long term relationship and learned. Well, if you have the options to chose that man that is, you can't help who you fall in love with all the time...
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