A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am so bourd of my boyfriend and i dont know how to break up with him and i am so not good in breaking up and now whene he tell me that he loves i tell him "me too" and i feel like one big fat laier so please tell me how to end this in a nice way so even if we break up we can stil be a frieds and so he would hate me
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Yes, I agree...he'slikely sensing something is up. Listen, hun. DAting is a process ,people go through to finding the person that is 'right' for them. How else are you going to get there? Dating couples break up everyday on this planet, and each situation is unique. It's also rarely easy, especially when you are the 'dumper'. You guys are just very young adults here. You both will likely go through numerous relationships before you reach the point of truely finding someone, you care enough for to spend a lifetime with. And you should be out there dating a variety of people. That is how you both gain confidence and learn about love and relationships. So try to break up nicely and maturely so that you can both move on with your lives and find someone else better suited for you. A relationship really needs two people caring, so if one of you doesn't want to be in the relationship any more, it really makes sense for 'both' of you to end it. That's the message to get across to him. Don't be fake or insincere, whatever you do. Just be honest. You both are so young and you both need to date others. And whatever you do, don't patronize him by plunking him in the dreaded 'friend zone'. God, how guys hate that! Allow him time to get through his hurt and gain acceptance of what has happened. Friendship can come later, when feelings are dealt with.
So get on the bandwagon, and do this somewhere private and quiet. Never break up over the phone or via email, that's cowardly and unfair. Any kind of relationship you have, with anyone...is always based on trust and dependability - don't prove you're unworthy of that in the final hour. Sit down and explain it's not going to work. If your bf has questions, answer them as fairly as you can, but without going into any blame-finding. There is always fault on both sides in a relationship that fails. Breaking up is more about you both being able to find "closure" to this relationship so you are able to then move on to new experiences. So..be strong and end this cleanly and honestly.. Take a positive attitude and look back on your time together as an enjoyable experiment which just didn't work out the way you'd originally hoped. Use compassion. The sooner you do it...the sooner he can heal from this and move on with his life. Good luck to you both
A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 You probally wont be friends after you break up. Love will turn to hate. Just tell him you arent intrested and found someone else. Mabey a sit down n a dinner and then eat and tell him after yur done, pay for your meal and leave.
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A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (10 December 2007):
You're not a big fat liar, nor are you a bad person. It's very normal to want to avoid conflict or hurting someone that you care about. You care about him, but you don't love him & you don't want to hurt him.
Unfortunately, this will hurt him, but you either have to hurt him or stay in the relationship & hurt yourself by feeling miserable. Sooner or later, you'll have to do this. Just sit him down, explain that although you still care for him, you're not in love with him and you can't stay together. Be kind - let him know it's not his fault - but be firm & ensure he knows it's over.
That's the nicest thing you can do for him now.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 How long have you been together?
Chances are your bf has already noticed a change in your attitude. I think you two need to talk and you have to be cruel to be kind.
If you do break-up you need to know it's very hard to stay friends. You both will need to deal with the break-up before you can be friends again, and this will take time, even then some people cannot do this and simply cut all ties. Often one of you with have feelings for the other still (this can switch) as each of you meet other people this can lead to bouts of jealousy between the two of you. However, some people do manage to stay friends after they have dealt with the break-up and accepted it.
I believe by doing what you're doing you are taking the easy way out and being a bit of a coward. Your bf deserves to know the truth however harsh it may seem.
Sounds to me like you're waiting for him to either;
1) do something wrong so you can have a row and end it, and therefore take no responsibility or;
2) it is likely he's noticed the change and will put up with it wandering what's going on - is it me? Has she met someone else? Why is she behaving so strangely? Does she love me? Until he goes out of his mind and it gets to the point where HE leaves.
THIS IS FAR CRUELLER THAN TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL. How can you be friends? Would you treat your friends like this? How would you feel if they treated you like this?
You need to be honest with him. It's not easy but it is the right thing to do. I'd suggest you talk on neutral ground face-to-face, somewhere where you can talk alone without any prying eyes/ears, not at your place, not at his and somewhere where you don't have any memories... Having this talk in the place you first met is likely to make things far harder.
Good luck.
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