A
female
age
41-50,
*amomile
writes:Hello everyone , i would like to have your opinion about a relationship-sex issue that is troubling me for some time .Iam a woman 36 yrs,I was married 7 years and had 2 small chidren when i met my current fiancee, who is 36 yrs old also .I had a very unhappy marriage then,mistreated and abandonded, was depressed and sad, when this man came in my life.We fell in love and the past 3 years we are as 1.Recently i devorsed and i am with him now.We are in love like crazy and our connection is like i never felt before in my life.He calls me princess, his first and only love and is open and honest with me in everything. He has this weakness for lovely ladies and not meaning he looks around - no. He admires the woman beauty and softness and feminity, which is totally healthy and actually lovely too, because that is how the true men should be: admiring the oposite from them :soft, fragile and beautiful.The thing is in some senarios we play in bed he wants me to hang out, dance passionate or even kiss a girl, and that he justifies as it is feminity, 2 hot women dancing in their own feminine world, not caring problems and living their godess.Which is ok till here too.I feel flatered that he sees me so hot and like a godess,and he shares his vision.He keeps telling me not to misjudge it,because i lived a harsh past and was mistreated and i must live my womanhood as i deserve.Sometimes though it escapes from him (although many times in the past i have expressed that i am not lesbian and i dont turn on with women)that i should go further and feel a womans tender touch like a massage body to body, kiss as i dance in a club, or even roll in bed with her naked as he watches , enjoying as he says the womanhood. At first i accpeted it because i didnt promise him clearly that i agree to do it because the idea of him seeing another woman naked is awful for me, no matter if i am far too hoter than her.I think its a matter of intimacy and privacy and that he should be satisfied as he was as we met with me only. For example if this happened would be in a far away vacation trip and with a total stranger girl who we d never see again. Lately, from once in a while, this senario became our everyday turn on as we talk about it during sex , and i think he is trying to make me accept it gently to have sex with another woman , as he only watches and finally enters to f... me as she watches or takes care of me after his brutal interference in our woman world.I know this masculin ormones are natural , as he feels entering in a fragile womens sex play like a brutal toro, but i dont know weather this frequency of his obsession is something that will jeaopardise our love , as i keep holding back even in talking about it. He openly said that he turns on with 2 women voices moan together,women licking eachother and womens bodies touching and that he wants to see me like this,although he insures me his focus is on me only.In the begining he was saying i dont let anyone touch you ,you are only mine, and now he asks me to give pleasure to the other woman too.It is something maybe i would expiriment if maybe he didnt bust my head so much about it so it made me suspicious and i am avoiding more and more.Please tell me your idea about my situation. Is this true that he says i do it for you to feel your womanhood which you had missed during your marriage, or is it just for his sex pleasure?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 Got to admit, I was being provocative, just wanted to make sure if you find women attractive or not. So it's threesomes that are the problem, now you are sure that your clear on that, you don't want you and him to invite another person to bed. You want a monogamous relationship.
You were sounding mighty confused. Now go off and tell him exactly what you said to me.
A
female
reader, camomile +, writes (3 February 2012):
camomile is verified as being by the original poster of the question dear miamine i didnt say i dont want to see women naked ,i said the thought of him turning on with another woman's naked body is awful.The fact that our bedroom intimacy is shared with another person outside our relationship.
For example i m not annoyed at all that he had threeesomes in his past , but i am annoyed like hell when he mentions he d like to bring a woman to hug with me in OUR bed and to sleep the night over.
This bugs me much more than the sexual act itself:the sharing of privacy and monogamy, and the end of exclusiveness.
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A
male
reader, BobbyC  +, writes (3 February 2012):
Thank you for your follow up camomile.
It seems that I made a wrong assumption.
When I read your first post, I assumed that you trust him, since you said very nice things about him and you also said that you find his weakness for other women healthy and lovely.
But after reading the second post,... I'm not sure, but I guess you are trying to say you can't trust.
Then forget what I said about giving the idea a try. He asked too early.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 February 2012):
Sorry two other things...
"I can say about myelf i have nothing to be jealous from the gorgeous women in lesbian porn he makes me watch to get use to it, " (camomile)
MAKE'S YOU WATCH... TO GET USE TO IT!!!!!!!!
What kind of love is that... sounds like abuse to me.. how far will this making you and getting you used to things go... be careful dear lady, at the moment it seems that you don't know when to say no.
Secondly
"You know, when it comes to sex, girls would like to stick with what they are used to. Guys, on the other hand, like to explore new things. We fantasize about things we are unfamiliar with, and we sometimes go for them." (BobbyC)
Fine... You go and get some homosexual porn.. tell him it's wonderful when two men can express their gentle side.. Then tell him you'll get something for the bedroom so you can role play at two men making love, with you on the top and him on the bottom... and in the future you'll bring home a guy and you'll watch him getting ****** (rude word not said as no wish to offend)
It's good for him to have his fantasy, what happens if you tell him this is yours? After all, shouldn't you encourage him to express his feminine side (or his masculinity) but bring more people into the bedroom?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 February 2012):
Guy is telling you a whole pile of bullcrap and nonsense. He wants to see two woman having sex, and he is pressuring you into accepting it, even though your not a lesbian and you have no sexual feelings for another woman.
He's not showing you no womanhood respect, instead he wants you to perform as his personal sex toy.
Fine if your into women and you don't mind it, but beware, threesome can destroy a relationship easily and doing sexual things that you dislike will cause you to hate yourself.
You say it's a turn on in your update.. but originally you said you don't fancy women and you don't even want to see one naked..
Again, agreeing to a threesome if your not sure is something that could destroy you and break up your relationship. You need to think for yourself, at the moment it sounds like he's brainwashed you and he does all your thinking for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Of course it's for his pleasure and obviously he will get turned on by the other woman, that's why he wants her there, otherwise you would be enough on your own.Basically he's trying to desperately paint this as some romantic, selfless fantasy when really what it comes down to is that he wants to jack off while watching you two and maybe if you become even more accepting (after some more pressuring), he'll sleep with her too. I agree with the first poster it's total B.S. "i must live my womanhood as i deserve" - and to do this you must be sexual with another woman.....? It's a load of rubbish. Most woman are heterosexual, so I don't quite see the logic in this.The main problem here is that you don't want to do it. You're trying to force yourself into liking the idea for him, be honest with yourself. Not being jealous has nothing to do with it. In your post you say him seeing another woman naked will be awful for you - there's no way around that. So you're going to have to be firm and honest with him and tell him it's not something you'll do because you just don't feel comfortable doing it. It sounds like it won't be an enjoyable sexual experience for you at all. Surely he should care about that if he loves you as much as you love him.I'm going to be honest, people who go through abusive relationships tend to be people with very low self worth and esteem. You have to love yourself as an equal to any partner you may have. From your post it sounds like you're purely considering it for his pleasure, you're well aware you won't like it and will probably regret it. Not everyone HAS to experiment, they should only do it if they have a natural urge/want to, I mean did you ever consider it before you met him, or is it just since he started mentioning it?I don't like the sound of your partner, he seems willing to be very manipulative to get what he wants and he's playing/preying on your emotionsfrom your previous abusive relationship. Which is very low in my opinion. So be careful with him, especially if after you tell him no, he still continues pressuring you.
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A
female
reader, camomile +, writes (2 February 2012):
camomile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone about your concern and answers,this response goes for 2 of you especially . For you Bobby , i read your answer carefully to take your opinion as a male. I want to clear something , that he has done threesome before 2 times in his life a long time ago in his 20s, now he is 36. I dont know if that changes something in the meaning of his vision. And to you cmarieky, i also read your answer very carefully because you are a woman and have intimacy with other women , which i repeat i would love to experiment sometime as a variety and turn on maybe, but not as he insists so much about it , brings me the oposit feelings. I can say about myelf i have nothing to be jealous from the gorgeous women in lesbian porn he makes me watch to get use to it, but the idea of him turning on with another woman naked even if her focus is me makes me want to vomit actually. At first i thought his turn on was me being touched gently, now i am sure he loves to see 2 hot women in action .
Thank you for your help
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): He is saying it for his sex pleasure. He is not saying that somehow you missed something in your marriage and so now you should go and have sex with a woman. He is saying it is his fantsy to watch two women together and then to join them. That is called a threesome and they can indeed destroy relationships. It is HIS fantasy but he is trying to convince you he is doing it all for you, when really he is trying to manipulate you for his own reasons. Listen to your instincts.
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A
male
reader, BobbyC +, writes (1 February 2012):
So, you love him, he loves you, you trust each other, but this girl/girl thing is making you confused/uncomfortable. Right?
You know, when it comes to sex, girls would like to stick with what they are used to. Guys, on the other hand, like to explore new things. We fantasize about things we are unfamiliar with, and we sometimes go for them. But when we actually get what we fantasized about, we may feel it wasn't that great.
If he has never done this in his life, then he's just a normal, healthy male explorer who is not afraid of sharing his fantasies with you. He is communicating with you on the subject, which is a good sign. I'd say, don't be suspicious. It can't be a big deal. I think it's a win-win scenario. You will receive pleasure from two sides at the same time (which many women find interesting), and he will enjoy watching you from a different angle, ignoring him and tending to your own needs.
BUT, on the other hand, you are not (yet) comfortable with the idea of being with another girl. Then, your answer should be no (for now). Just talk to him nicely, assure him that you want to please him, but you are not ready for this kind of activity yet.
And just to ease your mind, I advise you go to the Internet and do some research on escort girls. You will be surprised when you see there are thousands of them whose specialty is "Entertaining couples". This means many couples find the idea of "having a second girl" interesting. So, you're not alone.
You can go ahead and choose a girl whom you feel attracted to, and exchange a few emails with her. Most of them respond nicely if they see you as a potential customer. Then, if you feel convinced, you can go to your husband and tell him you want to give it a try, but with the girl of your choice. Talk to the girl before you go to bedroom and make sure she will focus on your needs only.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 It sounds to me as though he's trying to get you to share and accept his fantasy as your own. If it doesn't work for you, be honest and firm and don't feel forced to pretend anything.
Someone who has been in an abusive relationship may be uncomfortable being blunt and forthright about her feelings. I would encourage you to seek some individual counseling so you can find ways to prevent abuse from occurring again and how to recognize red flags in a relationship.
This man is not listening to you, he doesn't seem to take your stated objections into account and is pressuring you for things you have no desire or interest in doing. I think that's a BIG RED FLAG.
Get to the counseling and work through the past while you explore your present situation.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (1 February 2012):
You should speak up and make it very clear to him that you are not interested in opening your sexual relations with a third party intimately. You also should let him know that this offends you that he continue to bring this up. You may not want to read this but your guy is being very manipulative right now and is using your previous marriage problems of abuse to justify his message. He is trying to plant an idea in your head, his hope is that it begins to grow and become an idea you embrace. His behavior is quite inconsiderate. He does not ask how you feel emotionally and sexually about another woman. It would be a little less harassment if you were bisexual or you brought it up but changed your mind. Either way though you currently don't like it and that's what he fail to respect. Sweetheart the only thing you missed during your first marriage is love sacrifice and respect from your husband. I'm lesbian and the B.S. your fiancee says about womanhood is that exactly B.S. Womanhood is when a woman can embrace her own thoughts and desires as she live her adult life. I'm sorry but he's using womanhood bullshit to get another woman in bed soon after he will be f**king both u and the woman. If you tell him to back off about this and he doesn't please leave this relationship bc he would be no better than your ex husband. Abuse by manipulation is still abuse. You love him so much that you may go through it just for him, he knows so he continue to push the matter. Lady put your heels on then put your feet down and be firm tell him no and you don't want to hear of this again. That's womanhood, embrace what YOU want, reject what YOU don't want. Good Luck love
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