A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:hello, me and my girlfriend are in an Long distance relationship and talk online. her parents make her study and have taken all form of communication to me away from her and she can barley say 1 word to me per day. she said itd be over in around 10 months but she said it could happen again in future and probably might. im not sure what to do at all, we have made plans for 2-3 years where we would meet almost on a daily basis and planned our future to be amazing together, however im insecure about the fact that we cannot talk for ages too and i feel like she may meet someone new or `lose the love` she has for me. I feel confident i'll cope with all of this until then but i feel like during those 10 months or if it re-occurs again she may find someone new and all this time would feel wasted and i will feel even more hurt and dissapointed. I'm not sure what to do, she means the world to me but im not sure to wait these 2-3 years. Thank you for reading.just some info: shes my first love and im her first love, she is literally perfect for me and understands all my feelings and is just like me, to me she is perfect.(she also says she feels all the same way i feel but about me)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all id like to thank all of you for taking the time out of your day to respond to this ??, I apprecaite all the advice all of you have given me but for now it looks like I will try to focus on myself and my studies and everything instead of glooming about and we will see how the relationship will go. Again i'd like to say to all of you thanks again for replying to my issue, it's very much apprecaited i wish you all the best thank you ??
(To answer some things
She is quite close around a 4hr drive away,
Im 18, she's 17
Yes she is real we have videochatted and voicechatted on numerous occasions
Yes we're fairly young
No we have not met up in real life yet
A
male
reader, Indiglorex  +, writes (30 August 2019):
I know how you feel. I went through a Yahoo chat "relationship" phase too.
But you need to keep in mind that she's an online only relationship.
You have no idea if she is who she says she is, if she is even a she, if she is just making this 10 month rule up to scam you down the line, etc.
I just want to make it clear to you that you're not losing anything if she doesn't come back after 10 months. And the "one word a day" thing is a little unbelievable if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2019):
 How many times have you met in person already?
What age is she?
If you are to HAVE any kind of future it IS important that she does well in her studies. You know this. I get that talking is also important but if it has had an affect on her studies, I can see why her parents put a break on it.
You are (I presume) both fairly young. Which means you are both very emotionally engaged in this FANTASY (for now). You CAN NOT really have a quality or DEEP relationship if 1. you have never meet in person 2. all communication is over tech. And, yes I know your generations is practically born with tech in your hands but reality is... for a relationship to GROW you have to know each other, see each other, interact and BUILD mutual experiences (as in doing things together).
You are putting the horse before the cart, I think.
Making plans 2-3 years ahead with someone you can barely communicate with, you can't meet up with and see is FANTASY.
Doesn't mean it can't work out. BUT you have to take the "fantasy" aspect out of it all.
What do you do? Go to school too? If so, YOUR education is important too. How are your grades? Are YOU doing your school work or having your head in the clouds? If you have a job, will that help you save up money so you can move? Or simply just meet?
Get your feet back on the ground here.
If you guys can't even MEET each other for another 2-3 years WHAT is the rush?
You need to reign in you fantasy and imagination here or you will crash and burn.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 August 2019):
 How old is she?
How old are you?
What country are you from? (Is English your second language?)
What country is she from? (How far from you?)
How did you meet online?
Have you met in person?
Have you video chatted?
How long have you been a couple?
These are all very important questions.
The thing is, whilst some long distance relationships are valid relationships, others feel real but aren’t. Until you meet and spend a long time together in person, you don’t know if you’ll get along well in real life. It’s easy for everything to be almost perfect when it’s all online or over the phone.
Some people change their lives, get rid of friends, etc. all for this person they think they love but have never met, then they meet and it’s not the same. Sometimes the first few meetings are perfect because they are short and you still don’t actually know each other. You can spend years waiting for someone and rarely seeing them, only for it to end just before or just after you close the distance.
It’s hard for reality to kick in when you’re long distance, so you are usually stuck in the honeymoon phase months or even years, where it’s feels perfect, but it’s not real. You get attached, you dream of your future, you feel like you’re in love - but love happens in person, not online or over the phone. Until you know what they’re like when you’ve been with them in real life a long time, that’s when it becomes a real relationship and love develops. You need to experience their quirks, how they handle stress, how they deal with anger, grief, frustration, debt, etc. Until then, you don’t actually know them and the love isn’t love, it’s a strong crush on who you think they are.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (26 August 2019):
It’s hard to imagine her finding someone new if her ability to communicate with the outside world is this restricted by her parents. How old is this girl by the way? Why is she putting up with this from her parents?
I’m sorry to sound hard but this situation is ridiculous. If she can’t even talk to you for 10 months (and who knows by how much that 10 months could be extended by her rather weird parents), this great future isn’t going to happen. Are you going to be miserable, missing her and feeling down for 10 months just waiting for a message? Is she really in a position to plan any future if she is this controlled and accepts it, whether by choice or not?
I don’t know what choice she has when it comes to standing up to her parents. If she doesn’t have much, I feel sorry for her. But it’s not something you can fix, and it is something that will stop any relationship developing. I think this is one that you need to let go before you get even deeper into fantasies of a future that isn’t going to happen. I’m sorry but take the pain now rather than later.
I wish you all the very best.
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