A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello!So my boyfriend and I have been together just over two years. We get together 2 or 3 times per month. Hes usually pretty good to me but also seems entitled and expects the best. For bdays as an example he thinks it's good to give him 500.00 to me that's extravagant. I have not even received anything from him for my bdays. A card or even a rose would have been nice. I got a bday greeting. For him though, he expects money and not only on bdays. If I'm shopping he will say oh can you buy me that? Or if I'm alone shopping oh can you send me some money? I should say I'm 9 years older. I feel like I'm being used. Maybe a sugar mama in his eyes. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2021):
 OK Anon
I think there is more to acting than being pretty and smiling. But that is quite irrelevant here.
Let's pick a few smart ones. Bill and Melinda Gates.. Weird AF marriage! Or Elon Musk knocking up crazy-ass Amber Heard...
There are also plenty of successful people dating absolute shit people. Usually, we don't hear as much about GOOD functioning relationships because there is less "news worth" in that, less drama.
Some women pick a partner that is similar (in some aspects) to their dads. Which on the surface seems weird. And men, pick partners that have some traits like their mothers. It's not done intentionally. We grow up and see how marriages/relationships are "done" by watching the adults around us. Monkey see monkey do. Some grow up without a father and pick men they THINK are how "men" should be. And again some pick the absolute opposite of their parents. Be that a good or a bad choice. It has NOTHING to do with success in the workplace.
I think you would be surprised with how much dumb stuff people do in the name of "Love".
And it has nothing to do with the question asked by OP. So trolling the OP and calling her "not smart" (in your estimation) gives no helpful advice. Does it now?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): To the anonymous woman . Your comments are off the wall also stating films stars aren't smart is senseless. Make do a self check on yourself before you give advice to the OP. I can go on and on but there is not a point. She came on for some advice and your suggesting she can't be intelligent cause a man? Love is blind, so is your advice.
Good luck OP, I'm glad you got rid of the leech
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 August 2021):
 Op, don't take to heart what a random stranger assumes on a public forum. We all base our advice on experience or observation. This does not necessarily mean our (limited) experience or observation is "right". The poster was unnecessarily scathing based on their own limited experience or observation. You are quite correct when you say that successful business people can make decisions in their personal life which are not the best. Let's be honest: we can ALL make bad decisions. Show me someone who says they have never made a bad decision in their life and I will show you a liar. The secret is to learn the lesson and not repeat it.
You have now realized you are being used and have decided this is not for you. Give yourself time to get over the break-up, shake yourself down and walk back out there, knowing your worth and not settling for anyone who doesn't value you for who you are.
Wishing you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2021): Honeypie you are wrong. Film stars aren't bright, they make their money by being good looking and smiling, no brains whatsoever, so of course they make bad choices with relationships, investments etc. People who have a good career such as owning a business where they make sensible decisions and have a lot of responsibility every day do the same when it comes to relationships, they are more savvy because they use their brains to make their money, not their looks. I know loads of them. None of them would choose a bad partner or stay with them. I am talking about self made millionaires etc, well educated and high i.q. not people who earn their living by prancing about on television or films. This woman is supposedly someone with a brain, yet she does not use it when it comes to choosing a partner or deciding whether to stay with him? That does not add up. That is not the actions of a woman who has a career where she uses a brain. She is obviously not a film star so she is what? Maybe she works in a shop or something other which is quite ordinary, but not something very successful with a lot of money. Not something that requires a high i.q. People with a high i.q. use that whenever they make any decision, they don't turn their brains off and give it a rest and decide to make bad decisions two days a week.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2021): Hi I'm the OP,
You're exactly right Honeypie! Thank you so much for your great advice !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2021):
Thanks for the update!
Good for you to see a red flag and trust your "gut".
As for the anon telling you, that you can't be successful and make bad choices or mistakes, ANON you are wrong.. Look around you. Johnny Depp? Anne Hataway? Just to mention a couple.
Successful people want to be happy and have healthy relationships too. Doesn't mean that if a person is careerwise savvy that they are also savvy when it comes to choosing partners.
To OP.
Learn from this. That is really all you CAN do. Learn what your expectations are, boundaries, and what you have to offer another person (and not financially only).
Take your time getting to know someone, IN PERSON.
This guy was a dud. A mistake.
Chin up. And good luck!
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (12 August 2021):
 I would just laugh in his face and pretend I'm oblivious.....haha!..... $500?....why do you think you deserve that much?.......can I buy you that?.....hahaha....you can buy it yourself baby....you're a grown man, you don't need a woman to buy you stuff!.....etc
Absolutely shut the door on that!.....WTF!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): Hi I'm the OP
Thanks for your replies, most were right on the ball.
The anonymous person that wrote. I am successful I'm in real estate. Having said that, your personal life and business life are two separate things. I'm too trusting unfortunately and thats the issue. It does not mean I'm dumb or not educated. It does mean I need to be more cautious of who I allow into my life.
Thanks everyone! I have decided to fly solo.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): Not sure one one of the people responding assumed that you are successful and hard working. Hard working successful people don't let people leech off of them, they have far more sense. People who have worked hard for their money and smart don't allow people to take advantage of them financially. They would never have got anywhere in the business or career world if they did. Either you have just normal amounts of money or got it through some other means. Open your eyes. You are paying him to spend time with you, he is a gigolo. No wise woman who earns good money would waste their time on someone who is too lazy or stupid to earn their own money. They would have higher standards in the guys they meet up with and date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): Ah, yeah! A card vs $500 seems a bit entitled to me!
Close the ATM, and wait. Here's what will happen. He'll have a tantrum. He'll threaten to leave you. Then he'll try to butter you up. If that doesn't work, he'll start hurling insults. How do I know? Because I've seen it happen to smart hardworking lonely successful women and my gay-friends way too many times!
If you've gotta pay for a boy-toy, you've gotta be a desperate lady...or gay-man!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 August 2021):
 OP read your post back to yourself and see what you think. I feel we are going to be telling you what you already know, which is fine.
He is a user, and a loser, and you know in your heart of heart that you can do so much better. You need to let him go, get him out of our life as i don't envisage things getting any better.
You have been together for for over two years, but only see each other a couple of times a month.
He makes no effort on occasions, while you make all the effort. This say's it all really dosen't it.
There are too many red flags here OP, nothing positives emanates from this relationship, and i don't think anything ever will.
Finish this relationship once and for all, block him, then move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2021):
"What do you think?"
Well, I think you should listen to your feelings/"gut" and perhaps reevaluate the relationship as a whole.
I think you need to learn to say no and set some boundaries. If you are going to date a guy like this.
1. you ONLY see each other 2-3 times per month. After 2 years? How is this relationship going to progress any further? Unless there is a GOOD reason why (like he works on an oil rig and is gone for 2-3 weeks at a time, or drive a truck and is gone for longer periods or whatever job that takes him away from the area (or you). Or you two live very far from each other.
2. he NEVER gives you gifts. not even a card but expect YOU to GIVE him $500 for HIS birthday? Why is your birthday not as important to celebrate as his?
3. you FEEL that you are being USED. Just that. Why would you want to date someone who makes you FEEL this way?
4. you are 9 years older. SO what?! You don't OWE him $500 for his birthday because you are older! You are not his mommy!
If you only see each other 2-3 times a month, and the reason is geographical distance - is there a PLAN that either of you move closer to each other? When you DO see each other does HE always come see you (thus bearing the cost of the visits)? Or do you GO see him? Do you never go out for dinner and treat each other to a meal?
OP, you don't OWE your BF a penny/dime. Even if he asks you CAN say no. Or an "I can't afford that".
You can also decide that you want a partner who is your equal. Who views YOU as important. Who would WANT to celebrate your birthday and TREAT you for that day or any other day.
Sounds like you aren't really into this relationship and want out. You mention NOTHING positive about him. So end it and block, delete and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): Are you the same lady with the nigerian bf?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): Haha OMG i can completely relate to this. I dated a guy in college who was much older to me but when he saw that I have money, he would always make me pay for things. I was stupid and in love..or so I thought...and went with the flow. Soon I was paying for all the lunches, the dinners, even the clothes that he chose. I think the nail on the coffin was when his mother and sister came to visit him and he sent me with them, to show them around town. He also had the audacity to tell me to pay for what they bought, just because they were visiting. Needless to say, I kicked him to the curb but he didn't want to let me go that easily and it came to the point where I almost considered getting a restraining order against him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 August 2021):
You have basically been paying for the dubious privilege of seeing him a couple of times a month for the last couple of years. like a gigolo. I have to ask why you only see each other so infrequently? What (or who) is he doing in between his business meetings with you?
Pretend something has happened and you have lost all your money and will need him to help you out. See how fast he disappears in the same direction as the money.
You have a gut instinct for good reason. Listen to it.
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