A
female
age
22-25,
*uruthum T
writes:My husband's porn watching has become abnormal,he's now a minute man in bed.we've been married 4 2years.what should i do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2021): Porn at a movie theatre was nothing like the extreme stuff available 24/7 at the click of a finger or in the back pocket on men’s phones that’s leads so many of them to become addicted
He needs therapy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): You're quite young for marriage; so it's not a surprise he hasn't given-up his old habits from when he was single. I am presuming he is also between 18-21, as you are.
If he is "addicted" to porn, he may need to go cold-turkey and abstain from viewing porn for extended periods. He will have to try to control his urge to masturbate, in order to reserve his energy and desire to perform real-sex. If he's too far-gone, and can't control it; nothing short of therapy and prayer will help him.
It is also quite possible he suffers from premature-ejaculation; which is why he may have chosen porn over sexual-intercourse, because there is no performance-anxiety or pressure. In any case, he'll have to decide which is more important? Self-gratification, or pleasing his wife?
You have to have a serious talk about how porn is affecting your sex-life. You have to determine if he is as into marriage as you are. It may not be uncommon for people to marry so young in your country (your flag is for Burundi in Africa). With youthful-marriages come many problems you must work-out as a couple; because of the lack of experience, and youthful-selfishness.
It is ideal to be more experienced and mature when you marry; because marriage has many challenges and requires a lot of compromise, diplomacy, patience, and tact. I guess you'll have to find ways to slowly ween him off porn; and to get porn out of your marriage altogether. If it is an addiction, it will always be a problem. Addicts can't continue to indulge in their habits, and expect to beat them.
This is one challenge among many you'll face in a lifetime-commitment. If he loves you, and is truly committed to maintaining his marriage; he'll understand he has to make some personal-sacrifices. If he's too selfish, and porn comes first; the marriage will most likely fail. No matter what we suggest, he has to be willing to voluntarily make a choice; and you will have to decide whether you have the strength and patience to work it out together. A lot depends on him.
Ask him to give-up his porn for a week at a time. Slowly, but gradually; until he gives it up completely.
Don't pressure him for sex, or willfully demand it; but let it be spontaneous, and affectionate. Kissing, caressing, foreplay, and without pressure; or too much focus on his porn-habit or poor-performance. You will make him self-conscious; and that results in poor performance, or none at all. Don't have sex just for the purpose of competing with porn. You aren't "making love" when you call yourself forcefully intervening to stop him from masturbating; so it won't be fulfilling when you're just trying to control his porn-habit. Only he can control his habits. That is, if and when he wants to.
This is strongly dependent on how you both feel about each-other. You've married very young; so problems are more complicated when you have little experience to draw from. He'll have to grow-up, and face a few serious losses to know the cost of selfishness, and the importance of practicing some self-control.
Porn may be a very popular and accepted naughty-pleasure; but when it becomes a problem for your marriage, you have to get your priorities straight. If you can't weigh the importance of pleasing your wife versus pleasing yourself; you have no business being married. That's what you'll have to decide down the road.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2021): We haven't watched porn in years but at your age we did. In the 70's there was drive in movies, and theaters that featured XXXX Porn. They usually had a story line, some better than others, but the sex was was about as graphic as the couple's in the next car. It didn't seem to be a problem for the guys later.
If he's 18 to 21 he's probably still on his training wheels.
Remembering back, it went sex pretty quick, 30 minutes later was the charm. One old boyfriend told he'd masturbate just before picking me up. Too much info, I know but -- he was pretty good in the sack.
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A
female
reader, Quruthum T +, writes (12 August 2021):
Quruthum T is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to you.
Let me try.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (12 August 2021):
 I think i just answered your previous question, so the fact that he is using porn is certainly a contributing factor to why your sex life is suffering.
He has become addicted to the porn, which is fine if you are a single person, but within a marriage can cause a myriad of problems.
This needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, if he wants this marriage to work he needs to quit the porn, or cut back his usage slowly until he can manage his porn addiction more appropriately.
Again communication is the key here, both sit down and talk about this. I bet if he abstained from using porn for lets say two weeks, i bet you would see a vast improvement in your sex life.
You can talk to him about this but at the end of the day the only person that can help him, is himself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 August 2021):
 Is he willing to quit the porn?
Have you guys talked about it? Maybe if he can quit the porn and the two of you take a couple of weeks off abstaining from sex (and he needs to abstain from masturbation as much as possible) and then slowly reintroduce sex again, but with a LONG LONG foreplay so HE takes care of you (sexually) before getting off?
Talk to him.
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