A
male
age
51-59,
*061sarahs
writes:Hi...strange one this and its doing my nut in. it was my birthday last week and my fiancee, who i'm marrying in august, came over to visit. we talked then she started getting picky about things which started an argument off... i told her not today and if she wants an argument, the door is there....we went out for a meal, then it got worse after that, more picking..its annoying because this was my first birthday with her..it'll never be forgotten really...7 days on and its still annoying me...i do love her but its a kinda want my space time..the marriage is august 19th this year,,what would u guys do?thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): This is a big red flag. sounds like she's controlling and needy (as in needing to get her way all the time).
the point of marriage is to have an equal partner, not a parental or boss/authority figure.
Would she treat any of her other family members or friends this way? If no, then why would she treat you this way? If yes, how do they feel about it compared to you?
Some people think that they "own" their partners. This is a very toxic basis for a relationship and if it becomes a marriage then you're locked into it.
it will get worse after marriage. death by a thousand cuts. such a marriage will lose intimacy and attraction. it's hard to feel attracted to someone who annoys you so much so often. so, if no intimacy, and no attraction, what's left?
seriously consider if you really should be marrying her after all.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I'm with the anonymous poster below on this - why are you marrying someone you have been with for such a short amount of time? Surely you must realise how stupid it is to rush into marriage, and that one of the main statistics in the divorce rates are people getting married too soon!
As for why she was behaving this way - yes it is wrong to pick at you on your birthday, but without knowing what she was picking about it is hard to say whether it was totally uncalled for or not.
Maybe some more information would help here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): Excuse me - this was your FIRST birthday with her but you're getting married in just over a month's time????
HELLO????
What the hell are you doing marrying someone you've been with for so short a time?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): lets think...could be she was jealous as the attention was on you,being it was your birthday. Maybe even finding fault to justify what she gets up to when you cant see her,then again pmt? It could be that she is breaking you in to your new life slowly. Maybe it was nothing and you are far too sensitive? I dont know her well enough to give an answer,and neither do you. This is why,in your situation i wouldnt be marrying someone i dont know that well. I think you every right to feel like that,she was deliberately trying to spoil your day. I would wait and do it back on her birthday (if your marriage lasts long enough that is). All the best, Rex Realist.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Was it just a one-time thing or is she normally the crabby sorts? Maybe she was having a bad day?
With the wedding a month away, there are bound to be jitters, but you obviously must love each other to have decided to get married. Focus on the good things and on your life ahead. Dont let an argument pull you down. There will be many more birthdays which both of you will be celebrating together, and I'm sure all of them will be special and fun.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Well, without knowing what she was picking on you about..it is hard to gauge if she is being reasonable. Maybe you are being unreasonable with what she "picked on" you about?
The wedding is a month away, maybe you are both feeling some tension about the upcoming event?
If I felt picked on with a fiance, I would be asking "Where is this all coming from? Why is this important to you?"
I would work on not feeling defensive.
If this all happened a week ago, why are you still carrying a grudge?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): :)
Buy a pair of good ear plugs and just leave a recording of you saying yes dear! go for a beer and come back and say have you finished nagging and nit picking at me yet?....make your point before you tie the knot.
spunky monkey
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