A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There was a guy that I liked on my course who is in his 40s. After getting to know him more recently, I have found he is quite anxious. Last week he messaged me as he said what is going on at the moment in the world had scared him. I replied and told him something personal, he read it and never responded to acknowledge it. I wish I had never told him now.Since then he has posted twice in the group WhatsApp chat asking about a question on the course which I replied to him with the answer a few days ago. He ignored my message as he has still not read it from the WhatsApp ticks and yet has been WhatsApp a few times but has had time for dating sites over the past few days.I feel sad that since last week he is ignoring me. I have done nothing wrong and have always supported him. Only a few weeks ago we went on a walk with a walking group and we were having a laugh. When this is all over I feel I should not really have any contact with him. I want a man who can provide support during a crisis. I felt upset that someone could behave like this and shut me off. I blocked him a few days ago so he cannot see my updates on WhatsApp. When I go back to my course I no longer wish to have any communication with him which is causing me anguish. Anyone got any advice please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2020):
 If anyone notice you aren't speaking and ask you, just tell them that life is busy. You don't owe them (or him) an explanation.
As for when you get back to the course, it's easy enough to be polite but also avoid spending time with him, if he needs help, he has OTHER course-mates he can ask. You don't HAVE to help or spend your time with or on him.
Though if he asks when you are alone, I would be honest and tell him you don't have time for people who can't make an effort to be friends.
But I definitely would take the high road here.
Whatever issues he has going on, those are on him. You helped with the course when he asked. Now you no longer want to, and that is fine. Either he can keep up, ask the instructor or someone else.
The whole blocking and unblocking on social media though, it sounds SO high school. But do what you feel comfortable with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to date him. I have had a lucky escape. I blocked him on WhatsApp when I initially posted on here as I was frustrated and did not want him to think it was ok to message me back weeks later. It took him till yesterday to read a message I had sent him 9 days ago about a coursework question he had asked.I don't know if he can tell I had blocked him on WhatsApp. We were never Facebook friends but were members of a Facebook community group. I have since found he has blocked me on FB as I cannot find him yet when a friend searched for him he shows up in their search results.I don't know how I am going to behave when we do finally go back to our course. I never asked to fall out with him. He initiated messaging me and when he didn't like my reply just because I was being open he ignored me. It’s as though he cannot handle intimacy. I am a good person and don't like fallouts, yet I don’t know why he is punishing me when I have done nothing wrong. I don’t know whether to unblock him but not contact him as coursemates will notice if we are not speaking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not want to date him. I have had a lucky escape. I blocked him on WhatsApp when I initially posted on here as I was frustrated and did not want him to think it was ok to message me back weeks later. It took him till yesterday to read a message I had sent him 9 days ago about a coursework question he had asked.I don't know if he can tell I had blocked him on WhatsApp. We were never Facebook friends but were members of a Facebook community group. I have since found he has blocked me on FB as I cannot find him yet when a friend searched for him he shows up in their search results.I don't know how I am going to behave when we do finally go back to our course. I never asked to fall out with him. He initiated messaging me and when he didn't like my reply just because I was being open he ignored me. It’s as though he cannot handle intimacy. I am a good person and don't like fallouts, yet I don’t know why he is punishing me when I have done nothing wrong. I don’t know whether to unblock him but not contact him as coursemates will notice if we are not speaking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2020): Thanks for the update. I understand you better now you have clarified that you meant 'friend' rather than 'man'.
And agree with you entirely that moving on is the best option. Well done you. As you say, he doesn't sound like much of a friend.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 March 2020):
 Good for you OP! Thats the right attitude to have! Now you know what he's like and you can just walk away. Life is too short to be interested in someone who is only using you. There's too many nice men in the world to settle for a selfish one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know he is not my partner or boyfriend but I should probably have wrote 'a friend who can support in a crisis'. Even my friends have been in touch and we have all supported each other during this time. He does not even regard me as a friend which is what hurt the most. If someone cannot even reciprocate a friendship then I don't want them in my life. He used to stare at me and make all of these obvious comments of interest. Looking back I have realised he just likes to flirt and wanted to use me to get help with the course. He can go and use someone else as I am done with him. I know there are other men out there who are respectful and don't go round leading women on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2020):
Well, now you know.
You tried to move the conversation to a more personal level and he CHOSE to ignore you. Which means he isn't a guy for you, sounds like he has a lot on his plate as it is. Probably the kind of guy who shouldn't even be on dating sites, but I digress.
I have to agree that blocking him is childish.
You had higher hopes and expectations that he MIGHT be interested and CARE for you and when that didn't materialize you "blocked" him in a sorta petulant punishment. Who not instead NOT exchange any further personal stuff, you already know he can't handle it.
When it's all over, then don't have further contact. Don't give him your time or energy if you don't want to. You don't OWE him anything, nor does HE owe you squat.
And it's causing you "anguish"? Isn't that a bit over-dramatic OP? Yes, being or feeling rejected is never a "nice" feeling, but at LEAST you know where you stand with this guy.
I can see why he is anxious and stressed if he worked several jobs to keep afloat and now people have to stay home and not have an income. I think most people would freak a bit. So if he can BARELY keep himself from freaking totally out, you telling him personal stuff might feel like added weight that he really can't (or won't) carry.
I'd take his actions as those of a person who is not in a good place in his life, certainly not someone who should be dating or pursuing anyone either, he needs to focus on getting his own ship in order. Which means, it shows YOU that you NEED to stop pursuing him in a romantic effort. He will JUST waste your time.
You can choose if you will continue to help him out with the course as a class mate or not. THAT is entirely up to you. It wouldn't be hard to say, I don't have the time to help.
If you are looking for a partner, HE isn't it. Look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2020): Hi
It's a very big jump from, 'this man messaged me about what's happening in the world', to, 'I want a man who can provide support in times of crisis'!!
He is not your partner/boyfriend. He is a friend. Maybe if you'd said I want a friend who can support me in times of crisis, then I would agree that his behaviour wasn't very nice in just ignoring your message/s. But because you said 'I want a man...' it gives me the idea/feeling that you are looking at him as your boyfriend already! And MAYBE, from your answer, he got that impression too. I cant think of any other reason why he would suddenly shut you down if you've always been supportive of each other before.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 March 2020):
 "I want a man who can provide support during a crisis."
He is not your man. He owes you nothing. He is just someone you met on a course and initially liked.
I don't know what you told him that you now wish you hadn't, but it sounds like whatever it was has spooked him. I am guessing it was a bit too personal for his comfort zone, hence why he has now backed away from you. This may be due to his anxiety issues, or it may be because he suddenly realized you had a different agenda to him.
You are behaving a bit childishly, blocking him on a group which shares information about your course work. That is just cutting off your nose to spite your face. How do you know he won't post something at some point which YOU could find useful.
Lesson for the future: just because you choose to support someone does not mean they will and should return the favour. Let's be honest here, it sounds like you had an ulterior motive in providing support. You fancied him and hoped you could form a relationship. You now know this is unlikely to happen.
Act like the adult you are. Unblock him. Treat him like anyone else on the course and, in future, don't share personal stuff with people you don't know well.
Good luck with your course.
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