A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. We kinda live together. I stay at his house every night. Most of my clothes is at my parents house. Some stuff is at his house and I would like for me to have all of my belongings at my bf. I have brought most of my clothes once but then we broke up. Now were back together and he doesnt tell me anything. I even make comments "i need to get my own place to have all my stuff" he says why, its too expensive to be on your own. I am just very frustrated with him. I feel he is taking me for granted sometimes. I know guys are scared of commitment but Its been about 1 year and I stay here every night.... what do i do? should i just stay at my moms now?
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female
reader, female confused +, writes (11 October 2010):
Thanks guys.. this does help. It is lack of communication. Why dont I just ask him???
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 I agree with Jmtmj. I reproach many things to men :) but one we honestly can't reproach them is their not being able to read minds.
Why don't you just tell him : Hey, it's already one year that I am sleeping at your place every night and I always have to shuffle my stuff back and forth, would it be Ok if I just moved in ?- If he has any objections,he will tell you and you can discuss them rationally ( let's hope :) together.
I also agree with the "if it ain't broke , don't fix it " theory. It's not that he does not love you- it's just that meny guys are lazy- creatures of habit. They get complacent, they do not like to initiate changes. For no particular reason. Just because.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 "I know guys are scared of commitment"
Its funny how many women actually believe this to be true about ALL guys... for some it is true, but for the majority of guys its just completely false.
Here's another thing you should know about guys... we aren't mind readers and not all of us are good at picking up subtle hints & suggestions. So instead of saying:
"i need to get my own place to have all my stuff"
have you tried just directly asking him if you can move in??
You may think you were being perfectly clear to him, but you really weren't. You were trying to get him to ask you to move in, when you should have just asked him yourself.
He could have thought you meant you wanted your own place... just for yourself... without him. Or he could have picked up your hint, but figured that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". It doesn't really affect him that you don't have extra stuff at his place... he still gets to see you every night. So whats his incentive here?
Unless you've talked to him directly about this and he knows exactly what you want but still refuses, then this could be more about mis-communication than fear of commitment.
But that's just my 2 cents
Best of luck :)
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