A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I REALLY hate the fact I fancy the man who is the best friend of the man who I have been going out on dates with (who already has a gf - I think he fancies me back as the other day he asked the guy I was dating for my phone no!! what the hell?) (I'm guessing in case it doesn't work out with his current gf). His current gf I met too - she seemed lovely and shy and well lets put it this way, she should be with my shy date and I should be with her date - personality-wise. I know that sounds absolutely awful but its the truth! I never said a thing but I can't see the relationship with him and her lasting...leaving that aside, I respect them both so I just left the place promptly as I knew if I didn't I would get upset at myself - but it was more the situation that upsets me. I wish I had met him instead before he got with her...sort of thing. If he is so happy with her - why does he keep to flirt with me when she is not in the room? he then fobs it off as a joke so that she is okay when she comes back in... which then makes me cringe and I go out of the room...even if its to the bathroom to get a bit of air.Anyway just the other day, the dating guy rang me up to say that his best friend has asked him for my phone no but because the guy I was dating had my phone no already and likes me so much and knows I am prob not that into him... he let it slip to me in conversation but then followed up with he didn't give my phone no out to his best friend and that there was no god damn chance he would. That sentence alone just made me want to give my no to his best friend even more :( So I stopped dating him altogether for the last week as I thought I can't be around either of them. It wouldn't be fair to either and well I like his gf so obviously its a prob. His best friend is in his house all the time too. I don't want the guy I have been dating at all and I think he starts to know this but he is totally hung up on me. He is such a nice guy that I have let him down gently as I don't want to hurt his feelings. That is why I have avoided him now for all this week. Both of them keep poking me on Facebook too. I feel v confused. I am staying away altogether but if he breaks up with her - how can I ignore that? I know I must...and I hate the fact I have these feelings. I am now trying to get rid of them but as soon as I see him I just melt...its horrible. Ideas pls? what on earth is wrong with me here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): No offence but you have to see this for what it is. I know you like the friend and I know his attention flatters you but I think you have the wrong idea. The guy is toying with you and frankly you know that it's not fair on the girlfriend at all, now I hate to burst your bubble because I know how easy it is to think that maybe he just likes you so much that he can't help himself but the fact is he's playing you and he's playing his girlfriend too. If you think he won't end up doing that to you too should you end up with and he get an opportunity with another girl then you're mistaken.
I've seen so many girls get sucked in by guys like that thinking he would never do it to them, that maybe they were just special and his girlfriend just wasn't right for him yada yada yada. The fact remains this is the type of guy that will play behind his girlfriends back, you can't trust him so you know he's not worth it. Now you don't like the guy you were dating so it's only fair you let that guy go but in order to protect yourself from getting involved with this other asshole you have to break off contact with them both.
You can't possibly like what he's doing to her by coming on to you, you even stated it makes you very uncomfortable, so I think you can empathize with her in a way that you won't let your feelings cloud your judgment so much that you will actually do something to hurt her. I hope not anyway because at the end of the day, what you know she would if anything were ever to happen is exactly what you will feel when he does it to you. Which is guaranteed.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 At least you did the right thing and let the bf down gently, now he's out of the picture you can just wait and see what happens. It will cause some distruption between mates if you get with the guy but at least if you are honest at all times, you should be able to get over this. This is a very common situation to be in, i think that's where the term 'the grass is greener on the other side' comes from, and we always want what is out of our reach. But if it is going to make you happy then you must strive to find a way for that to happen and you seem sensible so that you will do this sensitively for the people involved. Good Luck!
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