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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey, its very simple, I lost my virginity at 16 with my 2 year boyfreind and Im a catholic who wante tdo wiat for marriage. thing is things got complicated and we broke up.Now I'm with this new guy for three months. he is nice and sweet and a virgin.but everytim i think on how I would like to take things further with him i feel dirty and filthy and impure.i feel so guilty of not being one and i feel like sex is something on which we should not enjoy until we are in a VERY serious relationship i.e engaged or married..how can i make it stop!
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broke up, engaged, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): hello sweety the fact that you've lost your virginty should not bother you i know how you can regain your virginity the only way is the accept christ as your lord and personal saivour i promeise you the moment you've done that you'll fell as good as new all over again i've done that and it has worked for me
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all the answers and all the views.
I think firstly is to tell my boyfreind, because as some have said it is past, and our actions make us who we are and I then do belive he desrves to know who I am if we want this a relationship and not only a highschool thing.
Thank you very much for the help! It really has helped me a lot, an i will try and purchase the book. I will try to work this feeling I have, but not alone (:
thank you all once more.
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female
reader, littlemissalf123  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I'm a Christian. I'm not sure about your race or ethnic background, but I suggest you read NO MORE SHEETS by the black author JUANITA BYNUM. The book is excellent and will explain to you what happens after you sleep with person after person. Sexual sin can wrap you up if you don't watch it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Sorry if I wasn't clear. By sexually active, I meant having sex with multiple partners.
Being sexually 'active' in marriage is Very Good!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): "So it's very irritating when sexually active people don't understand this."
For your information, catholics can be sexually active, but with one person only (their husband). They are actually cleaner and safer, when it all comes down to who did who, what, where and how many.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): wow, alot of mixed views. You will find more compassion from people that consider sex a pleasing past-time for two people with an attraction, compared to those that see it as much more. What I mean is, someone who saves themself (which is Not easy to do) thinks it is Worth the self control to be 'awarded' :) a virgin. To know that they will have all their sexual experiences with one person is Very Deep and Meaningful, and an extreme close bond you share together. So it's very irritating when sexually active people don't understand this. (I know it bothers some men because of the retro-active jealousy on this site.) Anyways, please don't feel bad and forgive yourself. You can be sexually pure now...but it is important to tell your boyfriend, it's only fair right? He could be the kind that understands, and it only happened once. I hope the best for you.
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female
reader, HonestyAunt  +, writes (23 January 2009):
You are not dirty and you are not impure.
A 2 year relationship at 16 IS very serious and you did wait until you were in the right situation. Now, you are waiting again, which is also your decision, so you are still standing by your morals. When you had sex for the first time it was because you thought you would be with this guy forever. The fact that you haven't been isn't your fault, things change beyond our control but you are not dirty or wrong because of this.
I personally do not think sex is wrong. But if you feel that you want to wait for the right person - this is what you have already done! You have absolutely nothing to be guilty of. I think that whichever god we believe in, he would only be disappointed if you willingly hurt someone or are selfish for your own gains. You are neither of these. There are people in this world who have continued to hurt others to make their lives "better" in the short term, but really, who have you hurt? No one. all you have done is try to do what you feel is right, and you should feel happy and proud of yourself for this.
You are not wrong. Please try and enjoy your relationship with this new man because there is so much hurt and pain in the world, and if you like each other you could create a small bit of happiness within it all. I think it would be more of a sin to turn that down than to have previously have had sex with somebody that you also loved at that time. There are lots of wrongs in the world but you have not committed any of them by sleeping with one man. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Okay, but really it's your feeling if you feel guilty. I didn't know how to put if in a nice way. But really, that's what you do as a catholic, at least a true one anyway. You save yourself for the right man. I think though, in my opinion, if you wait till marriage and then you lose your virginity then, it shows that you are committed more and less std/sti. Even if you are young, you can get married. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. My parents have been married for 32 years...anyway, if you don't want to wait till marriage, that's your choice, just make sure you don't feel bad about it later on. If your bf wants a virgin, then tough, that's not a big deal if he loves you.
enough.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (23 January 2009):
 This is going to be hard to accept, but I'm going to try my best. I might bruise a few feathers here, but I'm going to try...
Having come from a moderately religious family and having very close friends who are Catholic, I can tell you that you are feeling the guilt related to religious doctrine has placed squarely on your shoulders. All of that extra threat and pressure is effecting your head.
It is a fact that people engage in pre-marital sex... it's just a fact. You have and you can't take that back... but, you're carrying the guilt from that and you need to drop that guilt, right here, right now. If you carry it any longer, it will stunt your intimacy in the future. So, accept that you are no longer a virgin and move on from it. Related to that, everyone has a past -- sexually experienced or not... male or female. You are no less pure or dirty for having had an intimate experience before your boyfriend. Why is it so important that you be the virgin in this situation? Have you considered that you might be where you are in order to guide your new boyfriend?
In any case, I really think that you have nothing to feel guilty about. You made a choice, you were living at that time and made a choice that fit the situation then and there. You have nothing to feel guilty about in the least!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Its natural to feel sexually attracted, so dont punish yourself by feeling "dirty" and guilty, your only human!
I am not a virgin and come from a christian background, and i had similar issues, yet i really believe i loved him, and in that time and place it was right and i thank God for having that love in existance!
However, i also do know the after feeling of ruining my purity, my loss of virginity not to my husband (whoever he may be!) But you are judging yourself against your own traditional standards, which dont get me wrong is a good thing, but your being too hard on yourself.
You can still be affectionate, and gain pleasure from intimacy with your new boyfriend without sex.
However if your really in conflict with your morals vs your urges, then do something to make yourself busy or change the environment when you have those urges. Try and prevent situations which possibly could lead to sex such as staying late round his house, sleeping round his house. But be honest with him. Hes only human too so there maybe times where he is tempted, but thats when you have to overcome it together as a couple and so share your problems.
But dont feel ashamed, sex is different when its made out of love rather than sex for the activity and for the sake of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh, on the catholic note; i am a catholic and i always beleive dto svae my self for someone who cares, and i did. and i do not regret with whom I did it.
thank you to all who have (or will) answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat has been a wonderful answer, and i hope my bf understands this. He has stated many times that he wishes taht his first time would be with a virgin. and i am so scared on how he will look at me and judge me and worst, what he woudl think of me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): So, are you 18? Anyway, I think it's your fault if you feel guilty because you promised yourself you'd wait till marriage and you didn't keep that promise. So that's why you feel guilty. However, it's your body and I want to say that you're not a good catholic then or not a real practicing one, because I am catholic and I'm still a virgin. I'm waiting. I know it can be hard with tempation, that's why it's even harder to deter from it. that's called self control and knowing what's right...for you. But my one single advice to give to you is "So what?" So you lost your virginity and you're not one anymore, it's your fault in the first place but what can you do about the past? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. And it's not a big deal anyway. Think about it in a good light...say to yourself, "at least I'm not a virgin so I have the experience to learn from my past mistakes. I have also taught myself to practice safe sex. and the next time I do it, it's going to be with someone that truly cares about me and won't just use me for sex."
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