A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have oral sex. I know that she really enjoys it when I go down on her. This morning I wanted to arouse her so I started talking about eating her pussy.She went on and on about how disgusting eating pussy it. How it’s so gross with it being all around your face. How sucking dick is ok because it’s outside but eating pussy is unthinkable for her and that she would never ever do it. I’m not asking her to eat pussy but I felt really dirty and gross after all this. I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. I felt like trash for doing what she thought was so disgusting. We talked about it during the drive up to her work. I know she didn’t mean to make me feel that way but even after our ‘make-up' talk in the car I still feel gross. I don’t want to bring it up again, and have her cry over it again, but I still need some help getting over this. Any suggestions?I don’t want to feel like debased trash in her eyes when I go down on her. In fact, that has become cold and unthinkable in my mind now, there’s no passion or excitement at the thought of doing that for her. I can’t stop thinking what she thinks. Which is messed up because I really like giving her pleasure.So I’m wondering how things are going to feel on any level the next time we’re intimate. All the more because we’ll be conscious of our discussion today.
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female
reader, Pennywiseone  +, writes (7 February 2013):
To the anonymous reader that last wrote. My you are naive. Men don't pee now do they? There aren't any dead cells and they aren't known to sweat? There is no such thing as precum? Oh you are just brilliant aren't you? Vaginas aren't dirty. I don't understand why people think that. My vagina is self cleaning. Can you say that about your genitals. Most women will frequently wash themselves. How many men take the time to ensure everything is nice down there? Your circumstances with your wife sound unfortunate, but that is something to sort out with her. Don't let your frustrations affect the way your responding to other people's problems. In response to the person asking. You can bring it up again with her. Instead of pointing out how what she said affected you, make her see things from your perspective. It's not healthy for a person to have a negative perception of themselves and consider themselves dirty or disgusting. That is her body she should be reaffirming its beauty. Make her see from your perspective be gentle about it maybe even teasing about it ( teasing in a sexual way). Take yourself back to that place where the act seemed like an amazing intimate act. Sure her opinion matters, but so does yours. I don't understand how she can denote oral sex and still enjoy it -.-
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Yeah, really I don't mean to be a jerk or compound your problem but I agree with her. She merely understands the truth. I mean, who better to know than a girl? I'm not saying "pussy" is disgusting; but think, fluids, poo and pee, dead cells.
A male penis is basically just skin. The most it has on it is salt. Insofar as "the load", there's the option of pulling out beforehand... there's a mood-killer and disappointing for many guys but my point is the option is there. There's no option to avoid women's "fluids".
Your gf told you how it is that morning, and it was thoughtless (I'd even say mindless, sorry, I don't you probably love her)
Basically, I don't go down on my wife. Reason being? She blows at it (heh) and it and doesn't have the stamina to stay down there until I come. Now I understand men take a lot longer to come during oral sex, but I'd stay down on her until she was finished no matter how bad it hurt.
So, neither of us perform oral sex on each other. If she can't stay down there and get me off as I do for her than forget it.
As far as your g/f... oh man, I'd punish her by never going down on her again. Or until she begged for it. Yeah, I go there... she seems a bit vapid so I might take pity on her, dunno.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 DON'T talk about things like eating pussy in the morning when she doesn't feel fresh and clean. She'll feel dirty and uncomfortable, and she probably finds the graphic descriptions disgusting.
DO go down on her when she feels good about her pussy. Don't discuss it, just do it. You already know she likes it.
Also find other ways of describing it, not explicit, raunchy ways, but romantic ways that make it sound loving and desirable. Maybe you think that "eating pussy" sounds sexy and arousing, but she may not.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 Talk her into letting you try it one more time by telling her how much you love it & love doing it to her. Then make sure you wiggle your tongue very fast back and forth over her clit. Pull her lips apart and lick up and down on the inside of both of them & move back up to back and forth over the clit. ... continue doing it this way & she will probably enjoy it more. I agree w/ the anonymous female reader that your girl may not have been given oral sex properly, so she thinks it's gross b/c she can't get comfortable when it's given to her. This doesn't mean you do it wrong, but it can mean that you just aren't doing it to where it pleases her well enough.
Try my suggestion - I gave it to you because I used to think that I didn't like a guy to go down on me either until a guy finally performed well enough so that I liked it. I almost feel silly writting it to you, but many people won't tell you how to actually do it, so hopefully my description is well enough, it's definately honest.
Oh and hey... if she doesn't like it after your new way of doing it, then she really probably doesn't like it & you'll just have to live w/ her going down on you and having sex.
There is a possibility that she doesn't feel fresh enough down there, maybe she fears she has an odor & when you go down, she tenses up. If this is not so, then reassure her that you LOVE the way she smells down there, that it's just beautiful, you want to try it one more time & if she doesn't like it, you will never bother her w/ it again. I bet she'll say okay. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): I was one of those girls who used to say the same thing to my old boyfriends. That was until I got a boyfriend who knew the right way to go down on a girl. Sorry to break it to you but a lot of girls use that excuse when they dont feel comfortable telling you that you suck at it or maybe they just dont like your style. Ask her if there are other ways you could please her that is more comfortable for her and work on up from there.
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (22 September 2008):
 She's straight! You can't expect her to want to go down on other woman - it doesn't mean she thinks you're disgusting! Personally I am a bit grossed out by the thought of doing anything sexual with a girl, for the same reason. Assuming you're straight, I doubt you wouldn't find it just the least bit repulsive going down on a guy yourself. But it doesn't mean you're grossed out when she does it.
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A
female
reader, red horse +, writes (22 September 2008):
You should not feel gross and trashy, because this is a part of fore play that should be shared between two people who are really in love.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 This seems an easy one to me. If she doesn't want it, don't do it.
She seems to have some problems with her own genitalia, but I don't think your insistence on the subject would change anything. Let her be.
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A
female
reader, GirlyonFire +, writes (21 September 2008):
Wow!!! I know sooooo many women who thought the same thing, even before they ever got with any guy. Luckily I have stayed good friends with these women long enough to hear how thier views changed, eventually as they got older each of them wound up with a guy who layed their minds to rest and helped them be more comfortable. express to her in as many ways as you can (genuinely) how much you love her body (& her pussey). If you "go down on her" again show her and tell her how much you love it. This is about the way she feels about her own body, if she thinks it's disgusting then make her feel otherwise. It won't take long to change her mind, just be consistant that you approve of her this way. You are not dirty for liking this, in fact it proves you have testosterone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): theirs something not right there. has something happened in your relationship, theirs nothing wrong with oral sex no matter how you look at it. oh well her loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Like another poster said, she was properly thinking about herself doing it to another woman! Yes it was a stupid thing to say, but she enjoys the act herself and it sounds like she won't say that again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Sounds like your girlfriend isn't comfortable with her own pussy. Women get a lot of messages that they are some how dirty (and smelly). Under a patriarchal society women have been blamed for (look at poor Eve) and made to feel ashamed of their sexuality. Maybe helping your girlfriend learn to love her body as nature made it will help her get over her ideas of thinking her pussy is nasty. If she can't and you don't feel like you are missing out by not giving oral sex then just don't do it any more. But for Pete's sake!-- don't feel bad about what you've done! There are plenty of other women out there who would love a man who knows how to go down on a woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Get over it. I think she was just saying that the thought of herself doing that to another woman made her feel gross. Maybe in the same way you might feel giving oral to another man. I really don't think she was trying to make you feel gross. She wouldn't let you do it if it offended her so much. It just sounds like a miscommunication to me.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 September 2008):
 There is dichotomy in all this. You say that she "really enjoys it" but thinks it is a disgusting thing to do, so now you feel dirty, gross and like debased trash - but you like to give her pleasure. So . . . stop providing that pleasure. But I'll wager that she may moderate her views after awhile.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Wow... I didn't think women like her actually existed. I always thought they were a myth that parents used to scare children into going to bed early.
Seriously though... just tell her you enjoy it and kniw she does too. Otherwise she would never have let you go down there. So she should stop bitching and grow up and get over it.
Flynn 24
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