A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well, I am new at posting and asking for advice, so this is a little hard for me. To start, I never thought I would ever get involved with a married man. At first I did not. We were just good friends and could relate to each other. I met him several years ago, at that time, he was my boyfriend's friend. A couple years ago our friendship turned into friends with benefits. Now we have both developed strong feelings for each other and have talked about our feelings. We have both been upfront and honest with each other. We have talked and agreed that we will end up together. I understand that he cares for his wife but is not in love with her. They have co-existed for the last six years together. (which I know for a fact) I guess I am a little concerned because of a comment that was made to me the other day. He said " he just wanted to be sure the wife will be ok". He also asked if I was ok on waiting for us to be together, if I could give him six months to a year to get things done. So, I guess I am asking, does it sound like Im being played? Or is he just being his caring genuine self? What are your thoughts?In Love, but confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): I know the situation all too well. I have been involved with a married man for almost 7 years. I wasn't looking when we met. But we exchanged phone numbers and have been together since 2002. I love very much. He moved out on his on for a year and 3 months while still taking care of his wife and 2 children by her. He also have three other children 2 of them are growwn-ups and the other is 16 years of age. I have sacrificed and put my life on hold and he is still telling me that he is going to get a divorce, I sometimes feel as though I am his dumping ground, where he can unload and release the tension and stress from home. At other times, I feel as though because I have come to depend on the daily conversations that we have keep me involved with him. We have also have become more than involved we are best friends and I have been through what he is going through and afraid of facing because of the amount of child support that he will be putting out. But, like I always tell him youre paying it already so why not be completely and totally free.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Double 'oops' on your part, Babyduck since that's not actually a Sreudian flip (sorry, I mean 'Freudian slip'). Yours, FifthQuadrant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): If he was unhappy with his wife he would have already left her. Rule number one: NEVER get involved with a married man (or woman). You know why? Because you deserve to be number one. If this guy really cared about you he would waited until he could make you number one before getting involved with you. He isn't going to leave his wife and if he did do you really want a man who is willing to cheat? If he cared so much about his wife then why does he feel it's okay to lie to her? If he cared so much about you then why is he asking you to wait for him so he can "help" his wife. Dump him. This guy is a user and a looser. It might be hard but you will get over it and meet someone better, someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 Hi there,
Just a very quick piece from one who's experienced an almost identical situation as yours, but without the bit about meeting him the way you did, but, as mine was my {sort of} boss.
You quoted "...he just wanted to be sure the wife will be ok".
I want to tell you, I waited nigh on 14 years for mine '...to be sure the wife will be ok.' I also got the 'Be patient and we WILL end up together'. I was truly, madly and deeply in love with him all that time, as was he, with me.
He told me {and I have first hand proof} that he and his wife were merely living together, more like brother and sister, and that there was no sexual contact between them anymore, and also still together for the sake of his 2 daughters.
That's about all I'm saying for now. If you want to know more, then please feel free to send me a private message, where I'll be glad to fill you in and explain more.
Please think long and hard about what's happening here, and I'm saying that because I care and because I can relate 100% as to how you're feeling. That's why you need to know for sure about making a commitment before you waste as many years as I did. {And I still hurt sometimes, to this date}
By the way, I was 36 when I met him, and only just broke it off with him in June 2007.
I wish you the very best of luck with what you decide, my love.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (21 September 2008):
 I think you're being played. He sounds like he doesn't have any intentions of leaving his wife. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the security of having his wife and family, but he get bored sometimes and wants his fun. ..with you.
So he will never leave you because he was never fully yours to begin with. You need to leave him.
Also, don't justify you being "the other woman" by saying he's not in love with his wife, ect. Of course he's going to tell you that. Don't be naive. That's why you never mess with married men. If he could do it to his wife, he will do it to you one day.
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