A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been such a fool. I joined a dating site and met what seemed like a man in a million. He was a good listener, polite and we clicked. He took me for a meal and we ended up at my home, we talked and he listened to my problems and then we slept together and made love. When I woke, he had left without telling me and put my key through the letter box. His phone hasnt been switched on since and he has not replied to me through the dating site. I feel used and cheap. It seems like he has no intention of contacting me again. What are your thoughts? I feel so hurt and used.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Be very careful with who you meet. You seem a little too trusting for your own good. At the end of the day, he could have been a dangerous psychopath.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): He wont have his phone switched off. The number he gave you will not be his real number. He wont give any of his date site catches his real number. He has probably got two phones. This seems to me, to be the workings of someone who is married or attached, and uses dating sites to cheat on a partner, who also never deserved it. Dont worry, his day will come. He WILL one day GET CAUGHT.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 “he took me for a meal and we ended up at my home”
That was your first mistake. YOU TOOK what was probably a near stranger to your HOME. DO not do that. MEET them at a public place the first few times. You took him HOME after your first meeting?? Also a big mistake.
“we talked, he listened to my problems and then we slept together and made love”
Let me correct it for you “we talked, he listened to my problems (his payment for dinner and sex was to listen to your problems… why are you sharing your problems with a near stranger?)
And then we slept together and HAD SEX. I’m sorry honey, do not romanticize this. You didn’t make love to a man you barely knew… you scratched an itch.
Remember this: Women need a REASON to have sex, men just need a PLACE” you gave him a place. He gave you a reason “he listened to my problems”
When I woke he had left without telling me and put my key through the letter box WHY DID HE HAVE A KEY??
OF course he used you. But you used him right back. You needed a nice meal and a warm body and a person to listen to your problems. We all want this. But you can’t push it. IT has to happen gradually.
HE was wrong for not being up front with you about wanting just sex.
Chalk it up to lessons learned. IF you are going to be online dating, use reputable sites with a vetting process (paid is best) and have PATIENCE and let a man be a man and court you… NO SEX for at least 6 dates (there are some who have the 3 date rule and some who use the 4 date rule) six dates (SATURDAY NIGHT DATES not 6 days in a row) so at least 6 WEEKS OF REGULAR CONTACT IS CRITICAL TO GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Exactly the same has happened to me....TWICE! One of them even dated me for A MONTH then after sex he dissapeared off the face of the earth. Dating sites may have worked for some, but they did nt for me. Do nt feel too bad about it. We all do mistakes.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 November 2012):
1 - Yes, it was a one night thing. Who was "used" depends upon your viewpoint.
2 - Meeting someone and moving this quickly, whether it be online or in a bar, carries this risk.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): This may make some angry. I have used dating sites and had lots of one nighters. The reason it's easier is because the women on dating sites are at a low point in their life. A few nice words and compliments soon removes their underwear. No one forces any one. No contract is signed to meet again after sex, so why complain then? If you want to meet a stayer withold from sex for a while. That should sort the users out.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I think he is on dating sites with the sole purpose of using every woman he gets the chance to. It was nothing personal towards you. That is just the type of guy he is/was.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I think it's pretty obvious that he used you. Could be he is married and trolled dating site for on-night stands. It is not uncommon. It could be he is just on the dating site to met women for NSA sex. I would be surprised if he has done thing kind of thing before and will do it again in the future.
It happens. So stop beating yourself up over this, but instead LEARN from this. Dating sites are not necessarily bad for meeting people, but GO SLOW - don't assume that talking online and through text is really getting to know a person. GO out on dates (that doesn't involving going home to either of you and have sex). Get to know them FACE to FACE. And remember a guy wanting to have sex with you doesn't mean he wants a relationship, it means he wants sex.
That way if the guy is just looking for sex he will drop off the radar pretty fast and YOU won't have put yourself out there in the having sex with him.
I will agree with Anon Female - go out with friends - take a break from the dating website if that makes you feel better, but don't give up.
But most of all stop blaming yourself for HIS actions.
A friend of mine met her husband on a dating site. He wasn't the first guy she talked to or the 10th guy she went out on a date with from the site. She said 85% were either married or creepy, but that 15% of the guys she met seemed like good guys.
So remember that, when dealing with people on a dating site, you don't always know what you get. This time you got a rotten egg, but who knows could be you will find a decent fella in time.
Chalk this one up to "WHAT an ASS!" I deserve to be treated with a lot more respect! Block him on the dating site and forget his number.
And STAY safe, don't give a guy the keys to your home unless you REALLY know him well, which might be after MANY dates. Make sure you met them in public areas, don't get into a virtual stranger's car. Be smart.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (28 November 2012):
By how you tell it, it does look like you have been used. There is no working around that. I do suspect that you are just one of a long line that he has done it to. Just be more careful and learn from it. Someone else off will soon be getting the same treatment off him. it was`nt your fault.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): 1. This is not your fault
2. The feeling of being used and cheap will fade. Give it time.
3. Take this is a hard lesson learned - don't sleep with a man before he professes love or wants to exclusively date you. Men lose interest and respect once they get sex too early. Have guys actually date you, learn about you, chase you and fall inlove with you before having sex. Sex does not make men fall in love or want to stick around.
4. He is a horrible person for doing this. You don't know him, maybe he is a psychopath or sex addict or even married. One date was not sufficient to find much about him aside from inital impressions. Just know there is such a thing as karma.
5. I know several couples who met online and married. Don't be too picky, be open to all types of guys. Don't sleep with them on the first date or even in the first few months of dating. Sex with you should be earned and not given away to a practical stranger. Get back on the horse and date.
6. Go out with friends and socialize. Make friends outside your normal circle. You just never know where you might find someone.
7. Forgive yourself. Have a shower and wash away your guilt and hurt. Start new and fresh. Don't make this mistake again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): you may have been seeing something that wasnt there. chances are, he does that every fortnight with a different woman. fortunately, for me, i dont need dating sites to get a man so i cannot preach to you about them. all you can do is learn from this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): I`m sorry to hear this. I can only see it being one of three things. 1, Either talking about yourself and your problems too much, maybe turned him off. 2, You gave him sex too easily, and he was discouraged by it and it made him disrespect you. 3, He uses dating sites with this intention and you are just his latest pull and he does this all the time. I am not a fan of dating sites myself. People with anything about them do not have to use them. If you insist on using them or have to depend on them, at least be in a strong frame of mind before you do.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I do agree with the other answers here. It sounds like he was more interested in a one night stand or something about part of the evening turned him off.
Regardless, this does happen frequently and you aren't the first one to have this happen to them (nor will you be the last).
I'd quit trying to contact him -- clearly you've left the ball in his court and if he is truly interested in seeing you again, he'll call. In the meantime, make sure you put guys through a bit of a time trial before sleeping with them... the true ones will be able to wait it out.
Please be kind to yourself...
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): It really doesnt matter where you met him but you need understand the mind of a man. Forget what he says to you they will try to have sex with you if they can, and guarantee the majority wont call you back if you are viewed as "too easy", which I am afraid this guy has done with you. If you want a relationship then hold out and teach him to respect you first. I know you think this is thinking from the dark ages but believe me male/female sexual relationships havent changed all that much. You might find the occasional guy who will love you from the start but thats rare....dont let them use you again
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 November 2012):
 This scenario is not unusual, sadly there are some men who do this over and over again.
Don't beat yourself up over this, yes, admit you were silly and allowed yourself to fall for a dream which was weaved by a liar and a user, but the true blame lies with him.
Cut all contact with him, mark it down as a hard lesson to learn, but lesson learnt for all that. He is the user and the abuser, the liar the manipulator. And he is always going to be those things, it wont matter what else he does in or with his life, nothing will change those facts.
Move on, and if he tries to contact you, dont respond.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 November 2012):
Hi. Sorry to say this, but I'm afraid this guy did use you. You don't seem like you have too much confidence right now (problems??), and I think that he saw that and played up to it. He did all the right things, said all the right things, it felt right to you and what happened. And, sadly, when he left he left with all the signs that he wasn't interested.
The best thing you can do now is just end contact with him. Even if he did get into contact, I wouldn't get back to him. And please don't be cruel on yourself. You've been hurt, but you're not a fool, and you're not cheap. You're better than that.
Take your time, talk about how you feel, let him go and treat yourself with some care rather than blaming yourself for a cruel man's actions.
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