A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal: I do really stupid things when I am drunk (that is, when I "overdrink"). A few weeks ago I was so out of it that I briefly slept with the best friend of my (now ex) boyfriend. Only problem is, it wasn't just a crazy night - I really have strong feelings for this other guy, and he has expressed interest as well. He was recently dumped by a girl he was seeing whom he really cared for, and I recently broke up with my boyfriend (for many reasons, to be honest). We told my ex what happened and he forbade me and this other guy from ever talking to each other again. So now, he has to make a decision: be with me and lose two of his best friends in the world (my ex and another good friend who wouldn't accept it), or don't be with me and watch one of the best opportunities of our lives pass us by. I want to be with him, but it's his call.My main question is: What kind of response/decision should I expect? Is there any in-between these two options? When should I even expect a decision from him? Any and all advice, criticism, etc. is much appreciated... I know this whole thing is pretty bad, nothing should have ever happened between us while in other relationships... I want to be a better person, which is why I have given up drinking, because I'm tired of regretting things I do/say when I'm drunk.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Oh, one more thing: I've known the ex's best friend (guy i "fancy") for almost as long as I've known the ex, and we've talked before (strictly as friends), all hung out together, so I know him fairly well. All drunkenness aside, I know I really do have feelings for him, just wanted to let y'all know there is no confusion there on that... but of course I agree the whole incident was wrong and the worst way for things to go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Thanks everyone, believe me I have pretty much stopped drinking, at least in any kind of large amount!YummyMummy I completely agree with you; I've told him I will respect his decision on this...I spoke with him earlier today actually (he's still out of town) and I realized he is going to need much more time to get over his ex (remember she dumped him); that is the first thing I think he needs to grapple with. I can definately give him time for that... then we will see what happens.Thanks so much for all your responses, this helps so much I think I might register =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Ok, this is drama that you don't need in your life, really, it is pretty silly...think about it, you just broke up with your ex, he just broke up with someone, you are both on the rebound and getting drunk to numb your feelings that you have about your relationships going sour.
You where just two ships (or something else) bumping into each other in the night, and now you are telling yourself you have strong feelings for him because you enjoyed the sex...would be my guess.
First off, this guy was a crappy friend to sleep with his best friend's ex, you were drunk and he saw his opportunity and took it....I don't blame your ex for being angry, it isn't playground stuff, he may still not have resolved his relationship with you, and if his friend wanted to have a proper relationship with you because of "feeling", then he would not have slept with you while you were drunk, but would have spoken to his friend first and respectfully taken you out on a date to get to know you better....
So, why is this one of the best opportunities of your lives? Really, I am I missing something here? Why don't you both try being single for awhile and take a breather from relationships so that you can heal and learn something about yourself and learn from your past mistakes....I see this as going nowhere fast, I think this guy you slept with is going to side with his best bud, they are going to label you as hot, but cheap, and lacking self esteem and not long term relationship material, casual sex, maybe, but girlfriend, no.
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A
female
reader, Brandi +, writes (29 June 2007):
 I agree 100% with yummy mummy. You need to stop drinking. Ask this guy that you have feelings about him. And talk hang out and be friends. Chances are unless he was drunk as well he has feelings for you as well if he slept with you. So talk to him asap.
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A
male
reader, fergiepunk  +, writes (28 June 2007):
This is a toughy. You see in my opinion the ex has every right to be angry about this and not want this because face it no one wants their best friend and ex sleeping together. As a best friend you should respect the persons feelings towards their ex and not try to score with them. Drinking less is an important thing cause frankly more problems happen with drink. One thing I'd think though is that your ex might not even consider this guy a friend anymore cause of what you two did, I mean I sure wouldnt be comfortable with it and it would just be awkward. I don't think its a good idea because it started out badly.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (28 June 2007):
 One suggestion- stop over drinking :D I mean that in the friendliest way.
I can't say what this guy is going to say. It all depends on how much he cares for you/see's a future with you and how close he is to his best friend. I think your boyfriend is a little out of order for telling him he can't date you or he'll fall out with him. Sounds like a playground thing to me.
I can understand there being hard feelings and such but your ex has no claim over what you or this guy you like do at all. It is yours and his life and shouldn't really be dictated by your ex boyfriend whether it is his best mate or not.
You don't have to give up drinking :) Just drink less. Why get hammered when you can just have a few drinks. You'll stop doing the silly things and also not put yourself in a dangerous position of being too drunk to know what's going on.
Chat with this guy you like and see what he says. Explain your ex can't tell you and him how to live your lives but you will respect whatever he decides. That is if that is how you feel :)
xxxxxxx
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