A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am soooo confused! After a lot of flirting, sexting, and finally making out, I slept with my co-worker. He pursued me for a long time, I was supposedly this dream of something he could never attain. We spent an entire day together at a hotel. I thought the sex was really good. He seemed really bothered that I did not have an orgasm the first time, the next two times I did and it was incredible. I was comfortable around him and he seemed the same. It did not seem weird at all. We have worked together for 7 years and have always had a great working relationship/friendship.Well, ever since "the day", he has been distant and 'professional' at work. No more dirty text messages, no comments on how I good I look or anything. Only completely platonic conversations. After over a week of this completely opposite type of behavior, I asked him about and he came up with some really lame excuses. I can't sleep and I feel like screaming or crying all day and can't stand it. BTW - I am 45, married/same guy for 19 years. I adore my husband, but definitely enjoyed this experience. He is 36, engaged/living together. He has told me about two other (younger) women he had relationships with from work. Was it just the thrill of the chase? Did I not live up to his expectations? Is he wanting me to pursue him? Should I confront him again or just go on as friendly co-workers? PLEASE HELP! Before I lose my mind!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): your one time was merely justa f*ck. understand it and accept it. this man is only 36 , why would he want a desperate married much older woman when he has a younger woman in his life. he is in a committed relationship, so please stay away from him. salvage your pride. his actions are elling you that whatever "it" was, it is over. i am sure he is very embarressed. instead of wanting to f*ck him agin try working on your marriage. "you adore your hb" what a condescending woman!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I wonder if he was bothered about you not having an orgasm the first time because he has a great big bloody huge ego! He wants to know he is a hot stud who can satisfy women in bed. He already has a woman and you already have what sounds like a good man. So leave each other alone. This guy is clearly a man who likes to please women (that is WomEn..........plural) in bed and likes to please himself at the same time. It's a win win all round for him. I am 42 and had this hot young guy of 28 chasing me and chasing me and I really fancy him but I'm not going there because I know full well he just wants to notch up another older woman on his already well notched belt!!! He is also a nice guy, you can have a good laugh with him and he is quite intelligent as well .. but I am under no illusion that this is all the thrill of the chase. The difference is that this guy has been quite up front about it, in a polite sort of way he has made it clear he is after NSA sex. I'm not an NSA girl (nothing against people who can handle it .. it's just not for me as I prefer to be with one person in a more stable relationships as opposed to lots of NSA/one night stands etc ..) so I'm not going there. This guy is after NSA sex when it suits him not when it suits you. I'd really keep away from him. I agree with the poster who said how would you feel if your lovely husband were to go to bed with his fiance?? Look after your mental and physical health because a guy like this can only be bad for both. Some women can handle an NSA thing but it's dangerous because of getting attached etc .. which is always possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): It was probably the 'thrill of the chase' and 'another notch on his belt' - sounds as though he fancies himself as a bit of a don! I feel quite sorry for his woman really if this is how he carries on. As for you, what were you thinking? Do you know how lucky you are to have an adorable husband.............would you like to send him to me?? No I didn't think so! :) Just forget this guy from work and focus on this lovely husband of yours who doesn't deserve to be cheated on. I am sure your lover enjoyed your time in bed but he sounds as though he likes to have his cake and eat it, then make luxury trifle out of the leftovers! If I were you, I would focus on my husband and have good sex with him etc .. and just be polite and professional to the guy at work. He said what you wanted to hear just to get you into bed and he got what he wanted. Do beware of one thing .. ie if he gets bored again or is short of people to have a thrill with he might try it on with you again but it doesn't mean he cares .. it just means you are available at his whim. Do you, out of interest, feel at all guilty about your husband or his fiance?? You don't seem to sound that bothered about either of them and as for wanting to cry and scream because he isn't paying you attention, that sounds rather like a toddler having a tantrum because they are not getting attention! No amount of crying and screaming will make him pay you attention and this sort of guy, to be honest, wouldn't really care at all if you slept last night or not because they are basically selfish and take what they want when they want it. He probably thought you were just up for the thrill of the chase and a bit of fun just like he was so he might be quite surprised, especially since you are mature, if he knew how bothered you are about all this because he could be forgiven for thinking that you are two attached grown up mature adults who both knew the score and took a chance on a bit of fun. Just focus on the adorable husband that you have and completely forget this guy .. it doesn't matter whether he wants to sleep with you again or not and he will be doing you a big favour if he doesn't because if you are in this state about it all now, imagine what you could be like months down the line if you had an affair with him or got attached or some such. Just put it behind you and be professional at work. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): if you got used,its silly to expect support when you was cheating. you are probably carring on like nothing has happened. no feelings for anyone but yourself. why not have swops and let ur husband who you adore have a good session with his fiancee? maybe you could explore and watch each other. things come out in the strangest of circumstances. will it be "he made me feel unloved card"? or i made a mistake,nobodys perfect,with tears scenario. he has had his bit of variety now,if he runs out of options he may give you a good seeing to. who knows?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Thank you all for your honest advice. I really appreicate it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 February 2010):
You have paid the price. He never wanted you for anything other than sex, and now he's had it. Go home to that husband you claim to adore and work on your marriage. Your co worker doesn't care about you at all.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (23 February 2010):
Women often have trouble understanding the unspoken rules of "no-strings attached sex(NSA)". He was attracted to you sexually and that's it. He doesn't want a relationship or for it to go beyond that hotel room. To men, sex and love are not the same thing. They can have sex with you and even hate you. Its just physical gratification in your case. Don't humiliate yourself by continuing to badger him about it. Forget him and move on with your life. When he wants to sleep with you again, the texts will start again etc. With NSA, the only conversations are to plan the next encounter. So if you don't like being just a sex thrill and nothing more, forget him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): He appears to have used you to increase his tally. Why did YOU cheat on your 19 year relationship? What were YOU thinking?
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (23 February 2010):
It was just the thrill of WANTING to have sex w/ you.
Now that he got it.
"It all went out the window."
I would shop at this grocery store every week, there was this women that I was sexually attracted to that worked there(she was married), I just couldn't get here out my mind.(she was all I wanted sexually) We exchanged phone numbers texted each other for almost 8 months. FINALLY came when we decided to get a hotel. We finally had sex. And to be honest, After I was done I just couldn't look this women in the face anymore.
My desire, THRILL, appeal, ALL that was gone. as a matter of fact. I don't even go to that store any more.
I was better of just admiring her from a distance. I'm sure that was the case w/ him also. 45 yrs old? ...I wouldn't be moved either.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (23 February 2010):
 You lived up to his expectations or he wouldn't have stuck around for the third orgasm. I wouldn't blame his inactions on his enjoyment on your day of "fun," trust me, he enjoyed himself. The only way to really know what is going on, is to ask him. But whatever you do, don't risk losing your job or his to a co-worker trist. If he won't answer you, you have to move on.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (23 February 2010):
 That's exactly what it was. He is a player, just trying to rack up as many notches on his bedpost as he can. I'm sure married women are worth extra points for him especially since he enticed you away from your husband of 19 years, that you supposedly adore. That must have been a huge ego boost for this guy.
Like Vintage64 said you should probably put your energy into your marriage instead of wondering why this guy just treated you like a meat. Don't bother wondering how someone could be so cruel. Your coworker is a user of women and see's his conquests as nothing more than that. Pieces of meat.
Just out of curiosity, does your husband ever cheat on you? Maybe you two should discuss having open relationship. I mean I can't understand how you can say you "adore" him while making him a cuckold at the same time. Especially if you are planning to "enjoy experiences" with other men. Your husband should know what kind of women he's married to and be able to have a little fun on the side as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Yes I would say it was the thrill of the chase, and now he doesn't have to chase anymore.
Do not confront him, he is already coming up with lame excuses. Like you say go on as friendly co-workers, but try to keep your distance.
Put your energy into your marriage instead.
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