A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, I really need some advice re my feelings for a colleague. I am a gay man in my early thirties, though have never been in a relationship as such. However, for as long as I can remember, I have always focused my attentions on one individual at a time, who are inevitably straight!Currently I have a major thing for someone who works in my company. I fell for this guy the moment he walked though our door a few years ago, and my feelings have done nothing but intensify over that time. We always make a point of stopping to chat if we meet at work (which I try and make happen most days!) and he even features regularly in my dreams. Although we don’t work in the same department, I know for sure that he likes me as a friend and respects me as a person, even though I am 10 years older than him. Amongst other signs, he can be quite ‘touchy’ (physically) when talking with me, but that’s probably just his nature as a person and I am probably reading things into it that just aren’t there. All the indications are he is straight from what I know about him, but there’s a few little things which make me wonder if there’s something between us. When I analyse the situation we actually have very little in common, but there’s a lot that I really like about him.To cut a long story short he leaves us in a few weeks. I have often thought about approaching him, at the right time and place, which would be not at work of course. Right now I am thinking, well, what have I got to loose? If he still worked with us and I scared him away, then yes things could be awkward. I feel like it might help me feel better about the situation if I knew for sure how he felt? Only a couple of people in what is quite a small company know I am gay, and I don’t feel the company is grown up enough to handle it as a whole. Actually, this guy is someone who I feel I could talk to about it regardless.The correct (rational!) resolution to my situation is probably for me to find someone who can return my feelings for them – I just feel powerless to make this happen based on past experience and I end up falling for straight guys again and again. As I mentioned this chap isn’t the first, and probably won’t be the last…Thank you x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Dear Anonymous: You are playing with fire. I recently had an affair with a very straight man, who now probably hates me for what we did together. I love him and sleeping with him destroyed our friendship (we were very close, did everything together, basketball, movies, dinner, great conversations, jokes, etc). If I were you, I would reconsider and "carefully" weigh the consequences. Do you want a "relationship" with this man? Because more likely than not, if he's truly straight - its not going to happen. In my case all the clues were there for our relationship to go to the next level. But, after the intimacy he was confused, guilt ridden, regretful, angry, hurt, and in denial of what took place between us. This has left me emotionally depressed and physically exhausted. You work with this man, I was my friends client. Now, I can no longer use his companies service, due to the anxiety of this situation. You may find yourself, in a similar position where it may become difficult for you to go to work knowing there's tension in the air. Perhaps, it best to look for someone who is already comfortable with their sexuality. Hey, there are plenty of great mo's out there. However, if you still wish to pursue this man I wish you much success and hope you find happiness. The aftermath of my choice - was a night of fantastic sex, worth losing the man I admired, respected, cherish and loved? No.
Good Luck,
Broken Hearted
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): TBH there’s nothing outwardly gay about him, in terms of the ‘classic’ gay attributes. Although I guess the same would apply if you were to meet me. He is blessed with being incredibly good looking but at the same time has a very warm and caring personality, to me in particular. I find guys who are very obviously gay (and there is of course nothing wrong with that) really don’t do anything for me. Which is probably why I’ve never found anyone!
I hear what you’re saying though – if I can find the right time and place to approach him, then assuming he feels nothing for me (which I think is the likely outcome), one of two things would happen:
- he’d react badly and probably never talk to me again
- he’d accept and respect what I had said, and may or may not want to have anything further to do with me
But at least I would be able to move forward, and know more where I stand!
Any other thoughts, anyone?
Thanks x
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A
male
reader, aim  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 hiwell yeah, him being touchy can be or can not be a sign and can be hard to figure him out. are there any 'mannerisms' or maybe a certain kind of walk he does that maybe hints he is gay or straight? but really, more than thinking and questioning stuff on your head, you should trust your basic thought that you do want to talk to him outside work and casually bring the topic up that you like him. Then most probably, he would respond to it either he's straight or he's gay too. then, more doors will open for you. Take Care. =)
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Tell him. You have to. Even if he turns out to be straight, atleast you let him know how you feel. And you will regret keeping it to yourself in the long run, and always ask "what if..." The worst that could happen is he turns out to be straight, yes, but atleast you know. You can then move on. Also if he turns out to be a jerk about it, then you wouldnt want him as a friend anyway. Good luck :)
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