A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I wrong to want my aunt (on my dad's side of the family) not to come to a small party of 13 people that's happening next month, simply because she stole presents and food last time? (the presents as it were, were clothing and wine for my sister who'd returned from 3 years working in Germany, last year).The party's in three weeks time, and it's just me, mom and dad and my 4 four sisters, and my cousin Jenny and Rebecca, my aunt (on my mom's side of the family) and her girlfriend, so far.However, my aunt seems to think she's coming; she text me at 4am asking about the party.I'm hesitant about inviting her knowing what happened last time (she took all the food and the presents, then drove off in her car) and not sure what to do.I've since found out she's got a habit of taking food from parties after a friend of mine complained that she'd swiped their meals in a fast-food restaurant (while she was on a fourth date with a boyfriend); my friend knew my aunt from the library she worked in. Two other people complained.Who's in the right here? Am I right or wrong to do this?I need help from you guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2020): I love the story of the food smuggling, megalomaniac aunty who works in a LIBRARY!
That's not a usual profession for a kleptomaniac but maybe she lets her hair down at parties.
Does she distribute the leftovers to homeless people?
What a stunning party animal she is.
All those books mustve gone to her head....
I can't wait to see the film..would Julia Roberts take on the part of Aunty?
She'd probably carry it off!
Rock on Aunty Bookworm..You ol daredevil!
Maybe she might even crack a smile or catch an eye ..or Rob you blind of bread and butter...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 August 2020):
 That's a weird story; I am not accusing you, OP, of telling lies , or exaggerating- but you must have omitted parts of the story which makes difficult for us to understand what went down in practice.
First, why would your aunt do something like this ? All of a sudden ? Is it a mental illness ? Is this something that was always usual for her and always got swept under the carpet, or, she up and becomes a cleptomaniac out of the blue ? Did anybody of the family told her, or even forced her , to seek psyciatric help?... Why not?...
Second, how did she manage to take °all ° the food and disappear ? Did she take everybody's food , like 10 or 20 people's food and bring it to her car ? making several trips back and forth from the kitchen, and carrying away under your nose big trays of sandwiches, bowls of salad, cartons of pizza...? why nobody stopped her and told, hey, Aunt Millicent, were are you going with that food, that's for the party ! Or, if actually she managed to take all that stuff away sight unseen- why nobody thought of calling her up ,saying diplomatically : " Hi Aunt, imagine that , by mistake you brought away all the presents which were meant for my sister X!, funny isn't it, we need them back pronto though ". And what about the containers ( trays, pots,baking pans... ) - did nobody want those back, they just let Aunt keep them ?...
If by " stealing the food " you mean simply that , like many people at parties, Auntie got a little greedy and just pocketed a few sandwiches or cake slices more than her fair share, to bring home and eat the day after... yeah, well, that's selfish and it is very bad manners, but I would not be scandalized, and I would not call it " stealing ", and anyway is a problem that can easily be solved ... just preparing more food !, and keeping in mind that several people are dead set on bringing home " leftovers " from every part they attend.
If you literally mean that she stole stuff from your place, with the clear intent of stealing- then do not invite her, obviously ! If you want to give her an explanation or not is up to you, I don't think you are obliged, after all it is your party and you can invite ( or not ) whomever you want without owing the non-invited any explanation. But if you feel better being candid, tell her : she is not invited because last time she has been seen hightailing from the party with things not belonging to her, and the other guests got upset . I would not bring up , though, her " reputation ", or what the librarian says... because that's all hearsay and we know that malicious gossip some times spreads like wildfire . Just stick to what you know for a fact because it happened under your nose in your own place- that's enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2020): Hi
I think there is a bit more to this than meets the eye. Just tell her to be good fun or better still wrap some empty gifts as traps and put funny notes in, saying you know it's her and she is on camera. Turn the tables and make light of it. When she grabs too many doggie bags pull her up and tell her to put the food back.
Family always has one oddball, wouldn't life be boring if we were all serious.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2020):
 I would be honest with her if she calls and ask again about the party. Say, sorry Aunt ZX I am not inviting you to this one because last time you were invited you walked out with some presents that wasn't for you and you also swiped the food. It's just not what I want. It's uncomfortable for me.
Now OP, I get that some people are MORE than happy to "take home the left overs" and almost guard the food the want to take home (for later consumption) but... unless she CAN NOT afford to feed herself, it's really weird to steal the food at a party.
OR you can invite her to come AFTER the food has been served and consumed, that way... she can only "run off" with left overs.
Or ask your DAD what HE thinks you should do. He probably knows her WAY better and can either talk to her (if you can't/won't) or give you better advice.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 August 2020):
 If this is YOUR party then I would say you are allowed to invite (or omit) who you want.
It sounds like nobody has actually confronted your aunt about her behaviour. If not, why not? This behaviour is not acceptable so why not just tell her she can't carry on stealing from people? Why has your dad not said anything to her
And what the heck was she doing phoning you at 4am about a party?
I would simply say to her "You are not invited because we want to enjoy the party, rather than guarding our stuff from you so that you can't steal it". If you are not brave enough to confront her like that, make up an excuse like "we are limiting numbers so can't invite any more people".
Sooner or later someone is going to have to stand up to your aunt. I do wonder why nobody has confronted her yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2020): Aw, come-on! You've known her for all your life. Tell her what's on your mind!
It's going to be tough, but if you withhold a party-invitation from someone (particularly a relative) for bad-behavior; they're due an explanation as to why they are not welcome to come. This isn't the time to be shy; it may well curb or prevent her from being the "party-bandit" at future-parties! Frankly, it sounds like a case of mental-illness. She has no impulse-control.
If you worry about gifts, and auntie is coming, keep the gifts put-away. You could suggest to the recipient, you'll put them in a closet; or place them in their car. All this can be arranged before your party. Place some dollar-store food-containers aside; and let auntie know you'll be sure to pack her some leftovers after the party.
I'm sorry! I got a big chuckle out of this!
I've personally witnessed food-smugglers and booze-bandits at some very swanky parties! They're shameless! Even when the guests were offered party favors with pretty nice gifts inside gorgeous gift-bags! Some folks just can't resist! They'll take extra!
You'll simply have to tell auntie that she'll be under watchful-eyes! If she gets an invite, and if anything goes wrong...it will be her last!
Why would you be so shy about explaining why you are hesitant to invite her, if she isn't ashamed to steal or hoard? Unless you know she suffers mental-illness, she should have better manners than to plunder a party!
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