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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: helloi have this male friend for 5 years..... during those 5 years i lost both my best friend and my father for cancer.... he stood by me all the time and helped me a lot ....he pulled my hair back when i cried, slept over to stay with me to make sure i'm ok, he used to wipe my tears and nose with his bare hands without saying a word and did stuff my family did not do........3 months ago he told me he liked me and after that he started telling every one that we are together and started talking about moving in together and he asks me this question nearly everday: when are we gonna stat having sex?!!the problem is that i'm so gay and i'm with him becuase he was great to me and i dont want to lose such a good person..i think he is in love with me i dont wanna break his heart ..do you think i should be with him and ignore the fact that i dont desire men... maybe one day i will convert to a stright woman or i should tell him and just be honest even if it means breaking his heart and losing his friendship....i dont wanna mess things up...i hate my self for thinking of this idea..
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 You need to be honest with him. That was quite presumptuous of him to say you two were together just because he confessed his feelings.
There is nothing you can do to avoid hurting him here. I can guarantee you that he would not want you to sacrifice your happiness for him.
Would it hurt you to test the waters? Make sure to tell him the sex question is just too much, but maybe if you kissed him your love might surprise you.
Ultimately, you can't deny who you are. He loves you and I can tell you care for him. You want him to find someone who will love him like he deserves. If that's not going to be you, then he needs to know that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): he does not know i did not come out to any one i knew im gay when i was 11 and i manged keeping it a secret....i had to lie sometimes about having boyfriends...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Does he know you're gay?I imagine he does if he's know you for that long...If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do.I would get him alone, like your house, say just to hang out.Wait for him to say something like that. (So when we having sex?)And say something like, "Haha, you know I'm gay right?"He'll probably try to play it off as a joke, most likely I imagine he'll say something again.When he does, I would suggest that you look him in the eyes, and tell him straight up that you aren't interesting in having sex with him.Hopefully he'll understand, you'll probably have to explain to him.But be honest about it.But whatever you do, don't have sex with him out of pity. :/He'll most likely think you actually like him, in that way.
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A
male
reader, sevenseals +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Don't think you have any other choice but to be honest with him. It's obvious he's misread your social cues and, well, the only true fix is a straight-forward explanation.It happens to the best of us, but mixed-signals are nothing to fret over. If the friendship had been platonically incredible before the "trouble" began, then he should be able to see that and rationalize the situation with more clarity.Sexuality is a very strange thing, but as much as anyone's able to be attracted to anyone at any point, preferences are set in stone. It's possible that you could be sexually attracted to a man, but in this case, your preference is strongly female. Nothing he can do about that, nor you. Be honest, be friendly, and don't lose touch due to awkwardness. That's the unfortunate result that always seems to happen, but can totally be prevented.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): I don't think you're going to convert to being straight, if you were bisexual that would be another story. How is it that he doesn't know you're gay though after five years? You could explore a relationship with him but that would probably lead to disappointment for him and you.I would tell him asap. Say you're sorry that he has gotten the wrong idea about the two of you. Say you love him and hope to keep his friendship and hopefully you will.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (18 February 2011):
You need to be honest with him as soon as you can. Its clear he got the completely wrong idea about you two. The sooner you tell him, the better it will be.
As of now, whether he takes it well or not is out of your control. You can only break to him and hope for the best. A good friendship will always heal.
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