A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound so bad but I really need help. There's this guy, a co-worker who came by my workplace as temporary. We got along very well and became friendly. He met my family due to his offering to help us shop for a home. My mom told me he "liked" me but I didn't believe it. One night after work, we found ourselves passionately kissing-the chemistry was insane! He was so gentle in how he was with me, his respect was so sweet. He left my workplace but we kept in touch. Fast forward to a lot of steamy conversations etc. I got to know him and decided that he wasn't someone I could see myself with. We had sort of planned to be intimate but I don't love him so I couldn't. He's 12 years older, has a lot of pent up anger and uses marijuana...and doesn't want kids as he doesn't think his anger is good for children. I thought he'd see we weren't compatible. I like him and think that despite the things I've learned, he's a good guy. He's just lost. But when I canceled meeting up with him cause of a family thing, he said: " this is what happens when you keep me a secret." I thought of him as a possible first-time one night stand and never dreamed he had feelings but now, I think he does! He referred to me as "his girl." He's more sensitive than he lets on and I really hate to hurt him but I can't do this and lead him on. What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2016):
 Just be honest with him instead of making up excuses.
"Look, Bob I think you are a great guy, but I think we have some comparability issues that have made me decide to end this relationship. I wish you well." Or a simple, "I feel we are not on the same page, nor that same book."
You two ARE not a good match and it's GOOD that you have recognized it. It's the best way to avoid crappy long term relationships.
There is no way to drop him that won't hurt him at all. His ego will be a bit bruised and so will his feelings... BUT dragging it out? NOT kind at all.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 April 2016):
 It shows that you're a good person that you don't want to hurt the man, but the longer things are drawn out, the worse it will be to end things. Just keep it short, sweet and to the point. Something like" I think you're a nice man but I can't see things going anywhere so I think its best to end things before they go any further"...something like that. You can be polite but be very firm and don't waiver...and then move on. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (2 April 2016):
I agree with the previous posters. You have to be cruel to be kind – string him along out of misplaced kindness and further down the road he’ll get much more hurt. Tell him that you need to be honest with him about your feelings and explain that you don’t think you’re right for each other. Be clear that you are firm in this belief and then go your separate ways. Wish him well, and perhaps tell him his good qualities, but don’t be drawn in to hours of discussion about this. It’s not going to happen, end of story. That is the kindest thing you can do.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 Better to do it sooner rather than later when he is really invested himself. Just have to rip the band aid off and tell him you don't feel you are right for each other. Besides 12 year gap in age is not ideal when you are in your early 20's. Once the limerence wears off you quickly realise the arduous task of dealing with the polarity of mindset and lifestyle. The key is to keep it short and just sticking to your guns by not letting yourself get caught up in a moment of weakness if his tries to change your mind. All the best.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 April 2016):
 It is best to be decisive. A short sharp dash of honesty is easier to take than a lingering betrayal. Tell him he's not the one although he is a good catch for someone. Kiss goodbye and don't look back.
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