A
female
age
30-35,
*weets29
writes:Alright well i'm 18 years old and at University, and I really like this guy, lets call him max. I kept getting all the vibes that he liked me back, and so i was flirty and chatty around him to try to encourage him asking me out. But then the other night at a party, a friend told me that yes he does like me.He just also likes another girl. He's trying to 'choose' apparently. I'm new to the group of friends at the uni, so apparently he's leaning more to this other girl because 'he knows how she'll react to him.' kind of thing. But then at the party the other girl wasnt there, and he kept putting his arm around me and asking what i was doing later and just generally being flirty.But I'm a virgin, and now im worried that either he just wants a hook up from me? I was chatting to one of my friends Jason before he gave me a lift home (work in the morning) and Max came up and started to say something then noticed him. He looked at me, then jason, then me, then jason. Then he just looked angry and stormed off. I'm so confused! I dont want to compete for Max only to lose, and be an even bigger idiot than i feel now. Help!?
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 Never 'compete' for anyone. If this Max fella can't see you for you, then sod him!!! If you are new to the group, spend your time getting to know the others, and give them the chance to get to know you. Maybe one of the other guys will spot you first (then Max will be kicking himself!!)If Max has said that he is actively 'choosing' between you and someone else, then both girls are going to end up getting hurt more than likely...
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 March 2011):
"girlwhoneedshelp" is right. He's making obvious he's yet making his mind about you two. That's a very disrespectful thing to do. Since you are a virgin I would recommend you to take it easy. Don't loose it with the first guy you like. Specially if you like him physically and you don't know him enough. You will end up being used.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (13 March 2011):
 If he is making it public knowledge that he is choosing between 2 of you then he doesn't seem right. Especially if you are a virgin. You should save it for someone who knows exactly what they want, and thats you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Don't ever COMPETE for any man. Don't make yourself so available and so obvious. So "Max" is trying to choose - I keep getting this picture in my head of crowds of girls standing around waiting for a guy to hit them over the head with a club and drag them off to his cave!
Why is it only the man gets to choose? You have some say in this too. And just because a guy asks you out doesn't mean you have to say "Yes". And just because a guy asks you out doesn't mean you have to have sex with him.
Your entire question makes me feel that somehow you think the guys are in charge ... they are not. You are entirely in charge of you, you are entirely responsible for your own life and the decisions you make.
"Max" has no right to be looking angry and storming off because you're chatting to a guy. If he displays this immature, ridiculous behaviour when you're not even going out with him, what do you suppose it might be like to be his girlfriend?
It's always YOUR CHOICE. You may not be the one who's asking the questions, but you sure as hell are the one who gets to give the answer.
Don't hang around waiting for Max (or any guy) to make a decision. Ignore him and get on with enjoying your life and your friends (male and female).
Have a happy life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (13 March 2011):
 You shouldn't feel like an idiot! You haven't done anything! This guy obviously likes you and was annoyed to see you with Jason. However, I don't think you should "compete" for him. If he likes you enough for you to be with him, he will go for you. Just be friendly when you see him but try not to wait for him to make his mind up for too long! He's the one who can't make his mind up, and you shouldn't have to work at him to do so. Also, imagine if you do "compete" if you don't get him you'll feel rubbish and if you do, you'll always resent that you had to compete in the first place. You don't want a guy who is fickle and messes people around, so if he wants you, he has to convince you that he's genuine. As for being a virgin, don't worry too much. If this guy really likes you he'll wait till you're ready, if he was just looking for sex, then being a virgin makes no difference you deserve better either way! Try not to pin too much hope on this guy, and think about if he's really what you want. Other than that all you can do is wait and if he comes after you and says it's you he wants then you'll know. If he doesn't, or tries to keep both of you strung along, then you know where you stand and you're better off out of it! Try and be calm and casual, don't cut off other options and everything will work out for the best in the end. Good luck!
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