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female
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anonymous
writes: How do I handle letting my boyfriend go out and drink without me? Also, how do I get over being jealous and letting him actually look at girls? How do I change all of this if I have troubles doing so on my own?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 April 2006):
 You can't control somebody. If you try, you'll chase him away. He will always find other girls attractive, just as he finds you attractive. Some will be more attractive than you. Some won't. You will find other men attracative too. All that is normal. We're geared to be that way. That's nature. What's most important is the substance of a relationship. If we jumped to another mate every time we met someone more attractive, life would be so hollow. He's with you because he wants to be with you. He can still talk to other women. If he's a cheater, he's a cheater. You can't stop him. Looking at other girls in your company is not good though. He should control that.
You have to trust him. IF were out, what would you expect him to do if someone approached him to talk in a bar. Would you expect him to turn his back and ignore that person. That's not realistic. When you're in a public place that happens. He just has to give that other female the right signals, he's not available. Will it feel good for his self esteem to get attention, sure, just as it would for you. Be careful, you can worry yourself sick about this type of thing. Don't forget, he meets new people every day and always will.
A
female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (11 April 2006):
 Has anything bad happened before when your boyfriend and you were drinking together to make you feel this way? Have you two ever drunken together with friends... If you haven't then maybe you should, it might make you feel better about him drinking without you? But if you are not worried about something that could happen when he is drinking, and just worried because you are not invited then you need to know that you could push him away from you if you insist on being with him every time he does something. People need time away from their partner sometimes, if he goes out with his buddies, then you should make plans with your friends. You might find that he misses you more, or treats you a little better if you let him go out without you. I remember the first time my husband went drinking without me... I found out a few weeks later that he spent all night talking mostly about me! You should just keep in mind that the more things he does with you, the more his is going to start wanting to do things without you... I know this might be hard for you to understand, I am also the type of woman that likes to be with my man for everything, but I have learned that we are our closest when we have spent time without each other. I enjoy being closer with him rather than things being normal.As for you guy looking at other girls, I say its ok if he just looks... as long as he doesn’t stare. Try talking to him about how you feel when he looks at other girls, if he is a good boyfriend then he will respect you, but if he doesn’t respect that it bothers you then you need to dump him, because many woman have a problem with their man looking at other woman... not just you. Maybe you two can come to a compromise where you learn to live with him taking a peak, but nothing more.Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (11 April 2006):
 I think the first thing that you have to do is rememeber your b/f has chosen to be with you. Secondly, he needs his own time and own social outlet. One thing I would suggest is that you create a social outlet of your own. When he is out with his friends, go out with yours.
The second thing is the looking at other girls; looking can be natural however if it is making you feel bad then it is an issue that needs to be addressed and you need to talk to him about. However, you do need to remember that he has chosen to be with you.Hope that helps.
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